Well, I've already locked-in my idea for the Shinn flashback installment (which episode(s) it focuses on and at which point Shinn is flashbacking from), so that'll be next.
But if I do another afterwards...Lacus would be the prime candidate.
I will say that this next installment WILL have a link to the Reunion Special, as in how Kira got from running from Lacus in Ep. 6 to being her love-slave in the Special...
A Typical Episode of Gundam Seed Destiny
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Thundermuffin
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Blue Comet
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- Location: Aboard Musai Class ship Rezansia
classic-tacular(Suddenly the door to the hangar opens and Neo/Mu enters, holding a bag of what appears to be mushrooms.)
NEO/MU: (Looking at the bag) I hope these ‘shrooms I got from Andy are good. Afterall, can’t go into battle without my patented “enhanced spatial awarenessâ€, heheh.
i could always imagine Mu and Andy being druggies
also loved Clotho's bonus life
and a good shot at the Wii to top it all off ^^
3,000,000,000 points. I can almost taste the brownies.
Yeah, this pretty much explains Mu (lot more imaginative then 'Newtype Rip-off(Suddenly the door to the hangar opens and Neo/Mu enters, holding a bag of what appears to be mushrooms.)
NEO/MU: (Looking at the bag) I hope these ‘shrooms I got from Andy are good. Afterall, can’t go into battle without my patented “enhanced spatial awarenessâ€, heheh.
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Thundermuffin
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Nah, they'd probably just vaporize his arm or leg, upon which they graft on some kind of prosthetic limb that interfaces with the DRAGOONS on the Strike Freedom so each finger controls a DRAGOON and the knuckles could be for different fire modes and his arm could be like the ignition key and what the hell was the question again?EZero8 wrote:Hmmm... Mr. Yamato doing something suspicious ehh? I hope Murrue orders the lohengrins to be fired on him, though maybe he'd survive that too.
EDIT: I was going back through the episodes when I came across the Heine-getting-dogpiled thing in Ep. 5. I haven't yet seen Heine in GSD, so I was wondering...Why DOES it cost the producers a fortune every time he speaks?
Well f*** my a**...IT'S A DECEPTACON!!!
Because he was voiced by T.M. Revolution.ZeBaron wrote: EDIT: I was going back through the episodes when I came across the Heine-getting-dogpiled thing in Ep. 5. I haven't yet seen Heine in GSD, so I was wondering...Why DOES it cost the producers a fortune every time he speaks?
Code name Lockon Stratos. The man who can snipe from across the stratosphere.
Ohhh...so that's what that was. That would also explain the mechanic's comment in the 1st episode.Poochi wrote:Because he was voiced by T.M. Revolution.ZeBaron wrote: EDIT: I was going back through the episodes when I came across the Heine-getting-dogpiled thing in Ep. 5. I haven't yet seen Heine in GSD, so I was wondering...Why DOES it cost the producers a fortune every time he speaks?
Well f*** my a**...IT'S A DECEPTACON!!!
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Thundermuffin
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The Typical Gundam Seed Destiny Episode # 6.5
“Fly From The Inside, Freedom!”
Or
“I Found A Way…To Steal The Show From Shinn!”
(We open in one of the colonies of PLANT, in an unidentified city. We focus in on an elevator going up the side of a very, very, VERY tall building in the city. Within said-elevator, we find several important characters riding inside; Kira Yamato, Athrun Zala, Shinn Asuka, and Meyrin Hawke. Also, the DOM Trooper trio and Lunamaria Hawke are there. Kira, of note, is wearing a white ZAFT “high-commander” uniform, an outfit he has never worn in the series before. Kira fanboys and fangirls everywhere leave immediately to update their blogs on this particular note. We focus in on Shinn Asuka, who appears to be deep in thought. I know, it seems contradictory, but bear with me.)
SHINN: (Thinking) Here we go. Day one of my new life as a Lacus Klyne minion and already I’m being forced to go to some boring commencement ceremony.
(Shinn takes a look over at Kira, who is chatting with Athrun.)
KIRA: I’m excited! Being instantly promoted to ZAFT commander for no apparent reason must have pissed no small manner of people off. But once they see how cool I look in this new outfit, all will be forgiven, I’m sure!
ATHRUN: (Smiles) The ceremony’s gonna be grand, I tell ya. Being promoted to ZAFT commander is like…ten birthdays all in one. It’s the best.
LUNA: (Speaks up, pointedly to Athrun) Like you would know. You’ve never made it to that rank.
(Athrun turns and glares over at Luna.)
ATHRUN: (Indignantly) I was gonna be, eventually! But something about my various assorted desertions and defections just rubbed the higher-ups the wrong way!
MEYRIN: (Speaks up, looking out the window of the elevator) We’ve been riding this thing a long time…
KIRA: Yeah. This is a really tall building.
MEYRIN: Gotta wonder sometimes about “improved” Coordinator engineering. (Mockingly) “Oh, I know! I’ll make buildings that are even TALLER!” (Mutters) Yeah, real frickin’ innovative there.
LUNA: Well…being tall is nice. You’d know that if you were tall.
MEYRIN: (Turns to Luna) Oh come off it, you’re only a few inches over me.
LUNA: Yeah…height-wise. Don’t feel bad though- you’ve got me beat width-wise at least.
MEYRIN: (Seething) Thanks SO much for bringing that up. As if I don’t have ENOUGH self-esteem issues!
LUNA: You?? At least YOU were on the winning side of the war. I got totally beaten and humiliated! By like…more than half the people standing in this elevator right now!
(Luna makes a sweeping arm motion, indicating the DOM Trooper trio, who shrug unapologetically but remain silent, Athrun, who smiles and nods in affirmation, and Shinn, who is now staring off into space, still lost in what would evidently be deep thought. Luna looks miffed that he isn’t paying attention.)
LUNA: (Glares) Yeah, I even got attacked by my supposed “boyfriend” over there. (Waves at Shinn) Hey! Can’t you hear me, you head/basket-case?
(Shinn still isn’t paying attention to Luna. She continues to talk in his direction, but her words don’t register to him. Shinn glances again in Kira’s direction, as the Ultimate Coordinator has turned back to talk with Athrun.)
SHINN: (Thinking) There he is; my one-time arch-nemesis. We’ve patched things up for now…but there was a time when all I could think about was totally crushing him and his stupid Freedom. I didn’t know it was him back then, but I can still remember the day we first crossed paths…
(We fade into flashback land to several months prior, just shortly after the second Bloody Valentine War started. The Minerva is docked in Orb’s port, resting for repairs after saving planet Earth from the Junius 7 drop. We cut to a corridor in the Minerva as Shinn walks down it, wearing a disgusted look on his face. As he rounds a corner, he almost bumps into Luna.)
LUNA: Oh, Shinn, hi. What are you doing here?
SHINN: (Grumbles) What do you mean? I live here.
LUNA: I mean, why haven’t you gone ashore? You used to live here in Orb, didn’t you? Before you joined ZAFT.
SHINN: (Looks uncomfortable) Yeah.
LUNA: So wouldn’t you want to visit your old home? Maybe take in some of Orb’s famous neutrality?
SHINN: (Looks away) No.
LUNA: Why not? I’m sure your parents would be happy to-
(Luna abruptly stops talking and puts her hand over her mouth as Shinn looks sharply back at her.)
LUNA: I’m…sorry…I forgot your family was brutally killed in Orb!
SHINN: (Looks down) It’s okay.
LUNA: Oh, Shinn, that was SO insensitive of me!
SHINN: Really, it’s fine.
LUNA: I can only imagine what it was like; seeing their twisted bodies lying there, torn apart by an explosion…
SHINN: Luna…
LUNA: …limbs missing and that cold vacant stare of their dead eyes…
SHINN: (Annoyed) Luna.
LUNA: …and the horrible knowledge that if you were just a bit closer to them when they were hit, you’d be dead too instead of living on with the unbearable guilt and the suffering and the like…
SHINN: (Shouts) LUNA!
(Luna jumps at this. Shinn stares at her with serious eyes and begins leaning closer to her as he talks.)
SHINN: (Menacingly) I hate this country. I hate what this country caused to happen to my parents and Mayu. This country has caused me nothing but heartache and every moment we spend in this harbor is slowly eating away at my soul. So there, Luna. There’s your answer as to why I’m not going out there. Orb hates me…and I hate Orb. And the best way I can think of to SHOW that hate is by not stepping foot on its soil for as long as we’re here, GOT IT?
(Shinn is right in Luna’s face by this point; she’s leaning back a bit. She holds her hands up defensively.)
LUNA: Got it, got it. Although…
SHINN: (Pulls back, annoyed) Although what?
LUNA: (Thoughtfully) Seems to me…
SHINN: (Annoyed) What, what??
LUNA: That if you REALLY want to show your disgust for Orb…
SHINN: Yessssss?
LUNA: You’ll go ashore just to SPITE the country that hates you.
(Shinn stares back at her with widened eyes. Cut to outside the Minerva minutes later as Shinn, in civilian clothes and riding a motor-scooter, drives away from the dock and heads into Orb‘s mainland.)
SHINN: (Screams) THOUGHT YOU GOT RID OF ME, DIDN’T YOU, YOU FILTHY PIECE OF CRAP COUNTRY???
(Cut to the Minerva’s exterior deck, where Luna stands at a railing, watching Shinn drive off. Meyrin, in civilian clothes, walks up beside her.)
MEYRIN: (Confused) Yo…I just got back from the mainland with the others and…why is Shinn headed off like that?
LUNA: Oh, I just got him to take a ride. It was depressing how he’s been moping around the Minerva for the past few days.
MEYRIN: That was probably a good idea. Otherwise he’ll become like Rey; just all…isolated and weird.
LUNA: Well, Rey has that clone excuse. He can be forgiven for being generally disgusted with the entire world around him. But Shinn…he needs to find some other way to express himself.
MEYRIN: (Grins) Ooh, sounds like someone might have a crush on someone else!
LUNA: (Scoffs) Rey’s too high-maintenance. Wait, scratch that; Rey’s like…ULTRA-high-maintenance. Plus, there’s that whole advanced aging thing…when I’m twenty, he’ll be like…thirty. And when I’m thirty…he’ll be like…dead.
MEYRIN: (Singsong) That’s not the two people I was talk-ING about…
LUNA: (Looks at Meyrin, dumbfounded look) What, Rey and Shinn?? I don’t THINK they’re…that way. Although they DO share the same room…so that WOULD make things easy…
MEYRIN: (Shakes her head) No, no! I mean, YOU and Shinn!
LUNA: (Laughs) Me and…HA! Like I’d EVER be attracted to Shinn.
MEYRIN: (Laughs) Yeah…I’m just kidding anyway. I’d probably disown you as my sister if you settled for someone like the captain of Angst-Central.
LUNA: (Smiles) Yeah…
(We cut away from the sisters Hawke and the currently peaceful island of Orb, to Lord Djibril’s large mansion complex, located somewhere where I don‘t know where it is. Within its walls, Djibril sits down in front of a large bank of monitors and prepares for his usual Evil Old Man Video Meeting ™ with the other members of LOGOS. A butler comes up alongside his chair and offers a large plate of cookies. Djibril grabs one and examines it in disgust.)
DJIBRIL: There’s raisins in them! I loathe raisins!
BUTLER: (Sputters) Suh-sorry, sir. I shall dispose of these at once.
DJIBRIL: (Glares) I had my last butler quietly executed outside behind the Halloween decorations storage shed for far less! See that you don’t disappoint me again!
BUTLER: (Gulps) Of course, sir.
(The butler leaves under Djibril’s withering glare, as the large video monitors come to life with the images of various members of LOGOS. Djibril smiles and begins to address them.)
DJIBRIL: Distinguished members of our eminent little society, I come to you with news that Orb is very close to signing a treaty with the Earth Alliance Forces that will give us access to Orb’s military forces in our crusade against PLANT.
LOGOS MEMBER # 1: I have word here, Djibril, that the ZAFT ship Minerva is currently docked in Orb.
LOGOS MEMBER # 2: If the treaty goes through soon, they could easily take advantage of that situation!
LOGOS MEMBER # 3: I dunno…if not for the Minerva, the complete chunk of Junius 7 would have hit Earth and probably killed the majority of us. Wouldn’t it be…I dunno, what’s the word?
LOGOS MEMBER # 4: (Offers) Dick-ish?
LOGOS MEMBER # 3: Yeah! Wouldn’t we end up looking like a bunch of dicks if we had the Minerva attacked right out of Orb’s waters?
DJIBRIL: (Annoyed) Dennis…we’re RACISTS. Regardless of what we do or don’t do, we’re going to come off as dicks. So we might as well make life miserable for those stinking animals on the Minerva.
LOGOS MEMBER # 2: (Rubbing his hands together evilly) Yeah! That’ll teach em’ to save our lives!
DJIBRIL: (Smiles) I’ll continue putting pressure on the EAF to push their treaty-signing with Orb. I’ll contact you gentlemen again when I have more news.
LOGOS MEMBER # 1: My wife says hi, Djibril. She says that we’ll have to get together with you and your cat and go out for dinner again one night.
DJIBRIL: Susan said that? Aw, she’s a peach. I’ll discuss it with Mr. Bigotsworth* and get back to you.
*My name for Lord Djibril’s cat. Clever, eh? It’s no repainted Gaia for Andy, but still…
LOGOS MEMBER # 1: Signing off.
(The monitors switch off as the other LOGOS members hang up. Djibril sits back in his chair contently as Mr. Bigotsworth jumps up on his lap. His butler walks back into the room, holding another tray.)
BUTLER: Tea, sir?
DJIBRIL: (Pleased) Yes, thank you.
(As Djibril watches, the butler pours some hot tea into a cup, then adds sugar, then reaches for a quart of milk. Djibril suddenly stands up, as Mr. Bigotsworth leaps off his lap, and grabs the butler’s arm before he can pour the milk into the tea.)
BUTLER: (Worried) Sir?
DJIBRIL: (Sneers) I’m intolerant of lactose, you clod.
BUTLER: (Flustered) M-my apologies…!
DJIBRIL: (Reaching into his shirt) And what I’m intolerant of…
(The butler tenses up and takes a step back as Djibril produces a fancy, decorative pistol from within his shirt and thumbs back the hammer.)
DJIBRIL: (Aims at the quart of milk) …I DESTROY.
(As Djibril maliciously grins, he pulls the trigger. We don’t see what happens to the container, but milk splatters all over Djibril’s smirking face. The butler shields himself but gets milk all over him as well. The milk-spattered Djibril calmly pulls the pistol back up and puts it back in his shirt, then turns his attention to the trembling butler.)
DJIBRIL: (Snarls) Now clean this mess up!
(Djibril stalks away as the butler hurriedly drops to the floor and begins soaking the milk up with his shirt sleeves. Djibril sits back in his chair, fuming, until Mr. Bigotsworth jumps back onto his lap. The cat begins licking the milk off Djibril’s face.)
DJIBRIL: (Giggling) Heehee, stop it! Stop it, you naughty, naughty cat, you!
(Djibril squirms in his chair as the cat continues to lick him. Suddenly, he glances back over at the butler, who is staring up at him with a weirded-out expression.)
DJIBRIL: (Screams) DON’T LOOK AT US!!!
(The butler quickly turns his attention back to cleaning the spilt milk as Mr. Bigotsworth continues to lick Djibril’s face and he continues to giggle and squirm. Meanwhile, we cut back to Orb, to the residence currently owned by Murrue Ramius and Andrew Watfield. A pizza-delivery guy walks up to the main entrance and rings the bell. A few seconds later, someone answers- a young man wearing a robe and sandals, with long flowing brown hair that reaches to his shoulders, and a beard and mustache on his face. This is Kira Yamato.)
PIZZA DELIVERY GUY: (Looks at the pizza box) Uh, delivery for…”Jesus Yamato”?
(Kira’s face contorts into a frown. He leans back into the house and yells off-screen.)
KIRA: (Shouts) I am NOT AMUSED, Andy!!
ANDY: (Laughs heartily from somewhere inside the house) What? You don’t get it?
(Kira makes a disgusted sound, slaps some money into the pizza guy’s hand, then takes the food inside. We cut to inside the house; Kira passes by the blind Reverend Melchior, sitting on a chair across from another chair, on which sits one of the war orphans that also live in this house.)
ORPHAN # 1: Okaaaay…go!
(The orphan and Melchior shake their hands and do Rock-Paper-Scissors. The orphan gets scissors, Melchior gets rock.)
MELCHIOR: (Excited) Did I win?
ORPHAN # 1: Uhhhhhh…no.
MELCHIOR: (Clenches his fist and bangs it into his other palm) Crap! That’s fifty-eight losses in a row, dammit! Again!
ORPHAN # 1: (Shrugs) It’s your money.
(Kira continues walking into the living room, where Murrue sits reading a book on the couch and the rest of the war orphans are sitting on the floor, in front of the TV set. One orphan is holding a video game controller, while another controller rests on the floor, and three other kids sit behind him and watch the screen. Kira sets the pizzas down on the floor, where the three other kids begin opening the boxes and eating. Kira sits himself back next to the kid playing the video game and picks up his controller.)
KIRA: Hey…you un-paused the game when I was away!
ORPHAN # 2: (Smirks) Yeah, how ‘bout that?
KIRA: Well, that isn’t fair!
ORPHAN # 2: Like it makes a difference; I’ve been owning you for the better part of the morning. Why don’t you just bust out those mad Ultimate Coordinator skills of yours?
KIRA: (Frowns) My God Mode doesn’t extend to video games…
(Murrue looks up from her book and gets up off the couch.)
MURRUE: Oh, Kira-kun. If you’re planning to visit the Orb Memorial today, you should at least shower and shave.
KIRA: (Not looking at her, focused on the video game) Nah, I won’t be doing that.
MURRUE: (Sternly) Kira Yamato, ever since the first Bloody Valentine War ended, you’ve just been lounging about, being lazy. You need to start pulling yourself back together again!
KIRA: (Still not looking at her) You can’t tell me what to do; you’re not my REAL mom!
MURRUE: (Sighs) Kira, your “real” mom isn’t even your real mom! Beside she’s constantly in a liquor-induced stupor after the mysterious disappearance of your dad.
(Murrue motions off-screen and we pan over to see Kira’s mom lying draped across an armchair with a bottle of whiskey in her hand. She takes a swig then haphazardly motions in Kira’s general direction with the bottle.)
KIRA’S MOM: (Drunk as hell) Doowhut yer capt’n toldja do, hun. (Burps, then takes another swig of whiskey)
MURRUE: (Looks back at Kira) You desperately need a haircut, too.
KIRA: (Still intently playing the video game) Yup, sure. Whatever you were saying.
(Seeing that Kira isn’t going to cooperate, Murrue sighs and folds her arms.)
MURRUE: (Eyes narrow) Children; subdue Mr. Yamato.
(Kira’s eyes widen as suddenly all the kids in the room jump on him and start tickling him. He starts laughing uncontrollably and thrashing about on the ground.)
KIRA: (Tears coming to his eyes as he giggles) Ahah! Stuh-stop it! Ahaha! I’ll, ahah! I’ll kill you all, ahahah, I swear it! Ahahahah!
(Cut to several minutes later. Kira is sitting with a frown in a wooden washtub outside while Murrue is scrubbing his head with shampoo. He’s also been shaved and looks more like we remember him from Seed.)
KIRA: (Grumbles) I hate you SO much sometimes…
MURRUE: Hey! Andy and I took you and Lacus and your mom and the Reverend and the orphans in when your house was destroyed. You should thank your lucky stars we’re so generous.
KIRA: Yeah…yeah.
MURRUE: Okay, done. Go get dressed and you and Lacus can head out.
KIRA: (Grumbles) Marvelous.
(Minutes later, Lacus is waiting in the house’s kitchen, sitting on a stool and listening to the radio.)
RADIO VOICE: The weather in Orb today is absolutely inoffensive. Not too hot, not too cold. Looks like it gonna be another perfectly neutral day!
(Kira walks into the kitchen, dressed in the usual civilian entire he wore in Seed. Apparently he only has one set of casual clothes. Lacus eagerly jumps up and greets him.)
LACUS: (Chipper) Good morning, Kira!
PINK-CHAN: (Bounces up into view) Good morning, Kira!
KIRA: (Mutters) It’s one in the afternoon.
LACUS: (Catches Pink-Chan) Well, I haven’t seen you yet today!
KIRA: (Walks past her) Yeah…wonder why that could be?
LACUS: Ooh, so we’re going out?
KIRA: That’s the plan.
LACUS: (Jumps up in a cheer) Yay!
(Lacus looks to Kira adoringly, but Kira simply walks out of the kitchen. She quickly follows him. We cut to outside where Kira stalks determinedly away from the house, with Lacus desperately trying to keep up with his brisk pace.)
LACUS: (Trying to get his attention) Kira! Kira! Kirakirakira!
KIRA: (Sighs) What?
LACUS: Want me to sing a song while we walk?
KIRA: Not rea-
(But Lacus starts singing away. One of her songs. I dunno which one; they all sound alike to me. Somehow magically there is instrumental back-up along with her singing. Kira hunches his shoulders, sighs again, then starts walking faster to try and gain some distance from Lacus, who is singing with her eyes closed. Unfortunately for Kira, Pink-Chan sees that he’s moving away.)
PINK-CHAN: (Cutely) I won’t allow it! I won’t allow it!
(Lacus opens her eyes, then starting moving faster and also singing faster, trying to keep up with Kira. Kira looks back over his shoulder and glares at Pink-Chan.)
KIRA: (Mutters under his breath) One of these days I’m going to “accidentally” step on that thing and break it.
(We cut away from Kira and Lacus to the main Orb parliament building. Inside the main meeting room, Cagalli Yula Athha confronts Yuna Roma Seiran, his father Unato Ema Seiran, and a bunch of Orb representatives.)
CAGALLI: (Shouts) We’re WHAT??
YUNA: (Confused) Getting Chinese food for lunch. What’s wrong?
CAGALLI: (Shakes her head) No, no! The thing you said right before that!
YUNA: Oh. Accepting a treaty of alliance with the EAF?
CAGALLI: Yeah, that! How can we DO something like that?
YUNA: It’s really quite simple, Cagalli dear. They’ve given us an ultimatum- we’re either with them or against them. I mean, when someone tells you that, how are you supposed to respond?
CAGALLI: (Yells) Against them, of course!
YUNA: (Puts his hand on his head) Of COURSE! Why didn’t I think of that?? I’ll just get on the phone with the EAF right now and tell them “never mind, screw you”.
CAGALLI: (Dubious look) What, seriously?
YUNA: (Sighs) No, not seriously, Cagalli. I was being sarcastic to make you look stupid. Geez.
(The other Orb reps in the room stifle some chuckles at this as Cagalli glares at Yuna. Unato touches Cagalli’s shoulder to get her attention.)
UNATO: Look, Cagalli, I know you want to follow in your dad’s footsteps, despite him being the no-good hippie that he was, but we have to be practical! The EAF will burn Orb down again if we don’t comply!
CAGALLI: But…but ZAFT isn’t our enemy! We owe them our gratitude for helping prevent the Junius 7 drop. And furthermore, allying with the EAF goes against the ideals of…
YUNA: (Interrupts) Yes, yes, we know. We’ve heard it all before. Geez, you sure are your windbag father’s windbag daughter…
CAGALLI: (Whirls back to Yuna, furious) Yuna, you slimy piece of-
YUNA: (Wags his finger) Now, now. Save the dirty talk for our wedding night, my love.
CAGALLI: (Enraged) I’ll…you…you can just go to hell!
(Cagalli turns and determinedly stalks out of the room. Yuna turns to his dad after she leaves.)
YUNA: (Grins) It’s funny how easy it is to make her mad. We’re going to be so happy together…
(A short time later, we cut to the Minerva, still in the Orb harbor. On the bridge, a call comes in on the open communications channel. Talia Gladys and Arthur Trine move over to the console to listen.)
VOICE: (On radio) Minerva. Leave soon. Orb is about to sign a treaty with the EAF. It’s not safe for you to hang here anymore.
TALIA: Far be it from me to question the kindness of strangers, but how do we know you’re telling the truth?
ARTHUR: (Dubious) Yeah; who is this exactly?
(We cut to the other end of the line, where we see Andy sitting in his home at a bench that has a large radio system on it. He pauses, pouring some more grounds into a pot of coffee and begins stirring it. The coffee package says “Sea World Brand Coffee Mix, now with the great taste of whale!”. Andy takes a sip of the new brew.)
ANDY: (Sighs contently) Ah…robust.
(Andy puts the coffee pot down and hits the transmit button again on his radio.)
ANDY: (Talking into radio) I can’t tell you who I am…but I can tell you that you can trust this information implicitly and unreservedly. Are you familiar with the man called Andrew Watfield?
(Cut back to the Minerva. Talia and Arthur’s faces register recognition at the name.)
TALIA: The…Desert Tiger? Yes, I know of him…
(Cut back to Andy.)
ANDY: Well, this isn’t him, but the information I just gave you was offered on his behalf.
(Cut back to the Minerva.)
TALIA: Soooo, the anonymous friend of a known ZAFT deserter is offering us information, huh?
ARTHUR: The sheer credibility of it all just leaps off the page at you, doesn’t it?
ANDY: (On radio) Hey, believe it or not, you’re in for trouble. So use this information or don’t use it.
TALIA: What would you gain by telling us this? And how can you be sure they’ll sign the treaty?
(Cut to Andy’s end of the transmission.)
ANDY: Hey, just being neighborly is all. Surely you saw the signs that things were going to escalate in this manner.
(Cut to the Minerva)
TALIA: Oh, I saw the signs. And they opened up my eyes, I SAW the signs.
ANDY: (On radio) I have to go now, but please consider using this information to your advantage. This is Andrew Watfield…’s anonymous friend, signing off!
(The transmission cuts out, leaving Talia and Arthur looking at each other with worried expressions. We cut to a remote part of Orb along the waterfront; this is a former military base which now has a simple stone memorial dedicated to those who lost their lives in the first Bloody Valentine War. Shinn Asuka walks alone over the desolated area, lost in memories. Suddenly, he spies someone else standing before the stone memorial overlooking the ocean.)
SHINN: (Surprised) Huh?
(As Shinn walks closer, we see that it is Kira Yamato standing before the memorial. Kira kneels down and scoops up a handful of pebbles from the ground, then rolls them around in his hand thoughtfully. Curious, Shinn approaches Kira from behind.)
SHINN: (Hesitantly) Um…
(Kira’s eyes widen in surprise, and he whirls about lightning-fast to face the newcomer.)
KIRA: (Panicked) AH! Full-burst!!!
(Kira throws the handful of pebbles as hard as he can at Shinn, who gets unexpectedly hit by them.)
SHINN: (Brings his arms up defensively) AGH! What the hell??
(Kira calms down as fast as he panicked and watches Shinn carefully as the younger boy brushes some dirt off his clothes.)
KIRA: Oh…sorry. Reflex reaction. You startled me.
SHINN: (Grumbles) It’s okay.
KIRA: I was just leaving anyway…there isn’t much here…
(Kira motions back to the memorial stone, which has fresh flowers planted all around it.)
SHINN: (Glares at the stone) I hate flowers…
KIRA: They’ll probably get destroyed when the tide comes in anyway.
SHINN: (Eyes narrow) Probably, eh? I’d rather not take that risk…
(Shinn walks brusquely past Kira, up to the memorial stone, and begins violently stomping all the flowers that are growing there. Kira watches him inquisitively until finally, Shinn has flattened all the flowers growing around the stone.)
KIRA: I…admire your resolve. But what do you have against flowers?
SHINN: (Turns back to Kira) What good are they? What did they ever do for anyone?
KIRA: Well, they’ve been helping guys get laid for the past something-hundred years…
SHINN: (Shrugs) There’s other ways, like setting your standards incredibly low or killing someone’s sister…
KIRA: (Nods) True.
(A strange, significant silence settles over the two young men, as the wind blows in the background. Shinn finally turns around and begins to walk away.)
SHINN: I’ve got to leave…nice meeting you.
KIRA: Yeah…bye…
(Shinn walks away as Kira watches him go. Lacus comes walking up a nearby hill, gently singing. She sees Shinn walking away and walks up beside Kira.)
LACUS: Who was that?
KIRA: (Distantly) Didn’t get his name. Seemed like a nice guy, although I got a strange feeling off him…like we’ve met before…in a different time…at a different place…
LACUS: (Gushy) Oh, Kira, you say the most poetic things! You’re so deep!
(Lacus suddenly clasps on to Kira’s arm adoringly as he stares off into space. Kira nearly jumps out of his clothes.)
KIRA: (Stammers) Uh…er…yeah, thanks.
(Lacus closes her eyes and presses herself against Kira’s shoulder. From the look of Kira’s expression, it’s as if the girl holding his arm is some kind of parasitic pink-haired fungus.)
LACUS: (Happily) Do you want to sit in and watch a movie together tonight? (Suggestively) WITHOUT Murrue and the orphans, I mean?
(Kira blanches in fear. With some difficulty, he untangles himself from Lacus’s grip, and steps back a few paces.)
KIRA: (Continuing to step back towards the ocean) See, that sounds great and all…but the thing is…
LACUS: (Slowly advancing on him. smiling) Yesssss….?
(Kira suddenly points off-screen, behind Lacus.)
KIRA: What’s THAT???
LACUS: (Confused) What??
(Lacus turns around to see where Kira is pointing. As soon as she turns, Kira dashes off-screen to the left. A few seconds go by and suddenly we see him riding a jet-ski on the ocean, driving in the opposite direction. Lacus turns back and watches him go in confusion.)
KIRA: (Yells as he drives away) Somethingscomeupgottagobye!!!
LACUS: (Yells after him) I’ll see you back at the house then, Kira?
(No response as Kira is already out of range. Lacus waits for a few seconds, then cups her hands and yells into them in the direction Kira went.)
LACUS: (Shouts) Okay! I’ll just wait here till you get back, in that case!
(Lacus just keeps standing there as the sun sets, giving the impression that she really will stand there until Kira comes back to that spot. We cut to the next morning, as the Minerva prepares to cast off from Orb‘s harbor. Aboard the Minerva in a hallway, Cagalli talks with Talia.)
CAGALLI: (Looking down in shame) I’m so sorry things turned out this way…I tried to do everything I could to stop it.
TALIA: (Under her breath, grumbling) Yeah, I’m sure…frickin’ useless crybaby…
CAGALLI: (Looks up) Huh?
TALIA: (Big smile) I said, God bless you, dear! For all your wonderful help!
(Talia pats Cagalli’s shoulder comfortingly. Suddenly, Shinn comes walking around a corner. He sees Cagalli and immediately scowls.)
SHINN: (Angry) You!
CAGALLI: (Turns) Oh, uh, hi…angry kid whose name I didn’t bother to remember.
SHINN: (Furious) You’ve got some nerve coming here after your country agreed to sign that treaty with the EAF!
CAGALLI: (Ashamed) I just wanted to…
SHINN: Save it! I don’t wanna hear any more hollow words from the Athhas! You can’t cover up your crimes with your fancy talking!
CAGALLI: (Struggling to speak) I…urhm…you…derr…
SHINN: (Glares) If I ever see you again…I’ll kill you!
(Cagalli’s eyes widen and she looks to Talia.)
CAGALLI: Are you gonna just let him speak to me like this??
(Talia just shakes her head and laughs.)
TALIA: (Smiling) Oh Shinn. You and your frequent threats of homicide.
(Shinn turns to Talia, growling.)
SHINN: (Glares) Nobody humors me! I’ll kill you too!
TALIA: (Laughs) There he goes again! (Pats the still-growling Shinn on the head) Who’s a cute little boy?
(Shinn snaps at her hand with his teeth. Talia quickly pulls it back.)
TALIA: (Sternly) You won’t get your biscuit with THAT attitude, young man….now go to your room!
(Shinn turns back to Cagalli, glaring at her.)
SHINN: (Angrily) You and your whole stinking country… (Shinn makes a “gun” with his hand and points it right at Cagalli’s head) …stay out of my way or you’re all dead. (Shinn makes a “recoil” motion with his hand) Bang.
(Shinn then begins walking and purposely shoulder-checks Cagalli out of the way, shoving her to the side as he walks away. Cagalli looks unsettled and rubs her shoulder as Talia and her stand there wordlessly for a few seconds. Suddenly, Shinn comes walking back onto screen behind Cagalli.)
SHINN: (Flustered) My…my room’s this way.
(Shinn begins walking in the opposite direction, then turns back and shoulder-checks Cagalli AGAIN for the hell of it, THEN turns back and keeps walking off-screen. Cut to the Orb main parliament building, where Orb’s chief representatives have just finished signing a treaty with some EAF representatives. Unato Ema Seiran puts his pen down.)
UNATO: Done and done. I’m sure that we’ll almost not regret this maybe!
YUNA: (Leans over his father’s shoulder) Of course we won’t, dad. Look how trustworthy these gentlemen appear.
(Yuna motions to the EAF military representatives, who all have malevolent-looking smirks on their faces and are wringing their hands in a distinctly diabolical manner. One begins laughing manically in the background.)
UNATO: (Confused) Uh…yeah…
(The EAF rep stops laughing, quickly clears his throat and regards Yuna and Unato.)
EAF REPRESENTATIVE # 1: Sorry, got carried away. We’re just SO HAPPY that you guys signed this deal!
EAF REPRESENTATIVE # 2: Now; to business! We have a battle-group stationed a few miles outside your waters. They will attack the Minerva as soon as it leaves Orb territory.
EAF REPRESENTATIVE # 3: We’d appreciate it if you scrambled your naval forces and made sure the Minerva has nowhere to run to.
YUNA: Give you guys a distinctively unfair advantage, eh? I like the sound of that!
EAF REP # 2: That’s just the way the EAF rolls!
YUNA: (Giddy) To the military headquarters!
(As Yuna and the EAF reps rush off-screen, we cut to the Minerva floating in the ocean, a short time later. The ZAFT battleship has just left Orb’s territorial waters. Suddenly, a vast armada of EAF ships come into view in the distance. On the Minerva’s bridge, Talia Gladys regards the sight with angered eyes.)
TALIA: So that mysterious informant was telling the truth…damn his sexy voice to hell!
ARTHUR: (Overwhelmed at the sight of the enemy) C-Captain, what do we do?
TALIA: Have Shinn, Rey, and Lunamaria launch. The Earth Forces are launching their mobile suits…
(We see that it is true; the EAF fleet begins launching several squads of Windams equipped with Jet Striker packs. Cut to the hangar of the Minerva- Shinn and the others are preparing to launch in their mobile suits.)
LUNA: (Seeing the EAF fleet on a monitor) That’s a lot of mobile suits…
SHINN: (Scoffs) Who cares; we’ll carve a path through them or die trying!
LUNA: See, I’m not so cool with the “or die trying” part of that sentence…
REY: Enough chatter- let’s get out there.
LUNA: (Gulps nervously) Right-o, then.
(Rey and Luna’s ZAKUs launch, as well as Impulse’s components, which Shinn assembles into Force Impulse configuration. Rey and Luna’s units land on the Minerva’s deck, as Force Impulse hovers above.)
REY: Go Shinn! Go attack their entire fleet alone while we stand back here not aiding you in any discernable fashion!
SHINN: (Gung-ho) Got it! DAAAAAAIIIGGHHHHH!!!
(Shinn rockets off with purpose towards the incoming squads of Windams. Luna’s ZAKU turns towards Rey.)
LUNA: Uhhh, huh…you didn’t even have to convince him.
REY: He’ll be fine. They’re only Windams after all. They make Leos look like the Strike Freedom.
LUNA: Wow, and I don’t even know what the Strike Freedom IS yet!
(True to Rey’s assessment, the Windams fall easily to Impulse as Shinn wades into the center of the battlefield. Every beam fired by Impulse’s rifle blows a Windam up. One Windam manages to break through and heads on an attack run at the Minerva, but it collides with a stray seagull that has wandered into the battlefield and promptly explodes into pieces. The seagull keeps flying along as if nothing happened. Soon, the EAF‘s mobile suit forces have been reduced by a significant amount. Cut to Shinn in the Impulse.)
SHINN: (Looking around wildly) What else ya got, huh??
(Suddenly, Shinn notices a large mobile armor being launched from one of the EAF battleships. We cut to its cockpit, where it is manned by three pilots.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 1: Grrrrr, that ZAFT suit is making us look bad!
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 2: We’ll show him what it means to mess with the Zamza-Zah, the silliest-named mobile unit at the EAF’s disposal!
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 3: Fear our hilarity, Coordinator filth!!!
(The Minerva radios the Impulse.)
MEYRIN: (On radio) Shinn- pull back! We’re going to take that mobile armor out with the positron cannon!
SHINN: Got it!
(The Impulse pulls away as the Minerva’s positron cannon deploys. Cut to the Zamza-Zah’s cockpit.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 1: (Grins) They’re playing right into our hands!
(On the Minerva’s bridge, Talia grits her teeth and gives the order.)
TALIA: FIRE!
(The Minerva’s cannon fires as the Zamza-Zah goes upright and deploys positron deflectors. The Minerva’s blast strikes the EAF mobile armor directly and pushes it back as the positron blast spills in all directions off the deflector array. The beam spill-over decimates more than half of the EAF’s naval fleet. Finally, the blast ends and the Zamza-Zah rights itself again.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 3: (Triumphantly) HA! We took their best shot!
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 2: Er…yeah, but half our fleet is gone now…
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 1: The important part is…we’re still okay!
(On the Minerva’s bridge, the crew regard the situation with some tension.)
ARTHUR: Sufferin’ psycommu! It-it blocked our positron cannon!
TALIA: This might call for a strategic go-backwards really fast.
MEYRIN: A retreat?
TALIA: Yeah, that’s it. Prepare to fall back into Orb waters!
(The Minerva turns about, but finds that the Orb navy is now at their backs, preventing them from retreating.)
ARTHUR: What-what is this??
TALIA: (Eyes narrow) Dammit, they aren’t going to let us back…
(We cut to the Orb military HQ, where Yuna observes the battle in a large monitor room, along with dozens of other Orb military analysts.)
YUNA: (Smiles) Yes…the Minerva is trapped like a rat that‘s…surrounded by larger rats!
(Suddenly, the door to the room slides opens and Cagalli stalks in. Yuna turns to regard her with a smirk.)
CAGALLI: Yuna! What is going on here??
YUNA: We’re simply helping out our new best buddies in finishing off that Coordinator vessel.
CAGALLI: (Glares) This isn’t right! We should never have-
YUNA: (Returns the glare) Have WHAT? Secured our country’s future?
CAGALLI: (Can’t compose herself) No, but, you…it-!
YUNA: (Rolls his eyes) You should really hire new speechwriters.
(Everyone in the room chortles at little. Cagalli looks around helplessly.)
YUNA: (Smirks) Just sit back and leave the thinking to me, will you? After all, thinking is so very hard for poor wittle Cagalli after her head boo-boo…
CAGALLI: But-
YUNA: (Interrupts) Quiet! I’m not done emasculating you in front of everyone yet!
CAGALLI: (Frowns) Geez, you’re mean.
YUNA: Look, this is about the last time I’m threatening for the rest of the series, so try not to ruin it for me, huh?
(We cut back to the battle outside Orb’s waters as Shinn notices the blockade of Orb ships.)
SHINN: They’re fencing us in?? Bastards!
(Unfortunately, while Shinn’s focus is disrupted, the Zamza-Zah flies up and grabs the Impulse’s leg with a giant claw.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 1: Going down, punk.
(The Zamza-Zah drags Impulse downward and hurls the mobile suit at the ocean. The Impulse’s leg snaps off in the EAF mobile armor’s grip as it falls. Within the cockpit, Shinn strains to stay conscious as the Zamza-Zah fires its beam cannons downward to finish Impulse off. Suddenly, Shinn snaps to attention, with renewed determination.)
SHINN: (Grits his teeth) Die when I haven’t even read the latest Harry Potter book* yet? NOT A CHANCE!
*Cosmic Era is up to book thirty-eight; “Harry Potter and the Fiery Discharge”.
(Shinn immediately invokes “Memory of Dead Family”, which boosts his rage meter +50 and allows him to enter SEED mode. He regains control of the Impulse, just narrowly avoiding the Zamza-Zah’s blasts. Shinn rights his suit and begins flying back towards the Minerva.)
SHINN: (Radios Minerva) Meyrin! The as-of-yet-unmentioned-magic-instant-recharge-ray!
(On the Minerva‘s bridge, Meyrin blinks in confusion, but quickly recovers and responds.)
MEYRIN: Right! Emitting the Deuterion Beam!
(The Deuterion Beam fires from the Minerva and Impulse receives it on its head-crest. The Zamza-Zah crew watch in fascination.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 2: Uh…maybe we should attack him now, while he’s all standing still and what not?
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 3: Nah, that’d never work.
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 2: But-!
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 3: (Puts hands over his ears) Can’t hear yoooouuuuu!
(The Deuterion beam finishes and Impulse regains complete Phase Shift and power. Shinn turns about as the Zamza-Zah moves in to attack.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 1: I’ve had enough of your plot-devicery! DIE!
(The Zamza-Zah fires its beam cannons at the oncoming Force Impulse, striking its shield. But Shinn powers through the blast and abandons his shield as Impulse draws a beam saber and flies over the Zamza-Zah’s blast range. The three mobile armor pilots only have a moment to react in disbelief as Impulse raises its beam saber to strike.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 3: Oh-
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 2: My-
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 1: Coconuts!
(Impulse’s saber slams into the Zamza-Zah’s cockpit, killing the three pilots. Shinn pulls back as the mobile armor falls into the ocean and explodes. Not missing a beat, Shinn radios the Minerva again.)
SHINN: Minerva- a new Leg Flyer and the Sword Silhouette!
(New components are launched from the Minerva as Impulse detaches its current Silhouette and damaged Leg Flyer and synchs up with the new ones. As Shinn forms up the Sword Impulse, evil pirate music begins playing in the background. Because…because they’re fighting on the ocean…I guess. Shinn turns his furious gaze towards the now-nearly defenseless EAF fleet as Impulse brandishes its twin ASSwords.)
SHINN: (Screams) I’ll hack you all to bits, one by one!
(Sword Impulse hurtles towards an EAF battleship as the bridge officers brace for attack.)
BRIDGE OFFICER # 1: AGH! Deploy the anti-giant-robot-with-beam-swords countermeasures!
BRIDGE OFFICER # 2: There aren’t any! In a world where giant robots are the primary means of combat, these ships are only designed to fight other sea-faring vessels!
BRIDGE OFFICER # 1: (Bangs a console) The fools! When will they learn???
(Impulse lands on the ship and destroys the bridge with an ASS swipe. It rockets off and repeats the action with every other EAF ship in the formation. Cut back to the Minerva’s bridge as the crew watches Shinn’s rampage in awe.)
MEYRIN: Whoa. Shinn for the win.
ARTHUR: No…fucking…way.
TALIA: Okay then, let’s use this plot-miracle and get the hell out of here, STAT!
(As the Minerva continues forward, we see the EAF fleet burning as Sword Impulse stands engulfed in the flames of destroyed battleships. On this image, we fade out and cut to that evening at Murrue and Andy’s house. Everyone has long since gone to sleep. Just outside the perimeter of the residence, a group of darkly-clad figures gather. They are assassins, here to do assassin-y stuff.)
ASSASSIN # 1: Okay; the target is in that house. Our orders are clear; kill her and leave no witnesses.
ASSASSIN # 2: Any particular method?
ASSASSIN # 1: Just fast and efficiently, no fuss. And especially no kinky torture. That means YOU, Randy!
ASSASSIN # 3: Damn! (Reaches into a duffel bag, pulls out a leather mask with a zipper on the mouth, a pair of handcuffs, and a whip, then reluctantly tosses them aside.)
ASSASSIN # 1: Remember; fast and clean. Now hands in the center!
(The assassin group huddles up and slaps a hand apiece into the center of the huddle.)
ASSASSIN # 1: One, two, three…
EVERYONE: (Simultaneously) ASSASSINS!
(The dozen or so assassins quickly scatter over the residence, cloaked by the night. As they approach the house, we cut to inside to Murrue Ramius’s bedroom. She is asleep in her bed when suddenly her finely-tuned important plot-event senses snap her awake. She hurriedly sits up and looks towards a window.)
MURRUE: Something’s…not right out there.
(Quickly pulling on a pair of pants and grabbing her gun, Murrue dashes out of her room. Meanwhile nearby in another room, an assassin is sneaking in through the window. He quietly shuts the window behind him, readies his gun and stealthily creeps to the door. Suddenly, before he can open it, the door knob begins to turn and open by itself. The assassin quickly flattens himself against the wall next to the door as Andy walks in, drinking a mug of coffee.)
ANDY: (Takes a sip) Ahhh, it’s true what they say; “the twenty-seventh cup of the day is always the best”. And by “they”, I of course mean “me”.
(Suddenly, Andy looks into his mug and frowns. The liquid’s surface ripples a little.)
ANDY: That’s odd…the coffee shouldn’t move like that in here…
(As Andy examines his coffee, the assassin sneaks up behind him, ready to garrote him with some strangle-wire. Suddenly, Andy whirls about and throws the coffee right into the assassin’s face, burning him.)
ASSASSIN: (Scalded) AIAAIAGHHHH!!!
ANDY: (Smirks) This room’s atmosphere is specially-treated and modulated for the precisely-perfect coffee-drinking experience! Did you really think I wouldn’t notice the change in air pressure??
(Nearby down the hall, the assassin’s scream wakes the rest of the residents of the house. Kira quickly springs out of bed, puts his pants on and runs out of the room, almost colliding with a gun-toting Murrue.)
KIRA: What’s going on??
MURRUE: Someone or some ONES have broken into the house!
KIRA: (Quickly) I’ll get the kids out of here! (Pauses) And my mom! (Another pause) And Torii! (Pauses again) And the Reverend! (Long pause) And Lacus if there’s time!
MURRUE: Right, go!
(Kira dashes down the hall, as Murrue catches sight of two more assassins entering through another door in the opposite hallway. She starts shooting at them and soon there is a fire-fight. Back in Andy’s room, the assassin staggers back in pain and brandishes a knife.)
ASSASSIN: (Snarls) You’ll pay for that, Hugh Jackman! This is for “Van Helsing”!
(The assassin lunges at the seemingly-unarmed Andy. Andy raises his fake arm, which transforms into a gun and fires a glowing white ball of energy into the assassin. The assassin is struck by the blast and immediately “pops” into a spiral of pixilated spheres that cascade outward in a spiral. A power capsule appears right where the assassin vanished and Andy picks it up. A cute musical riff plays. ANDY GOT “ASSASSIN SHOT”.)
ANDY: Better go get to the others…
(Andy dashes out of the room. Meanwhile, Murrue has killed her first two opponents and meets with Kira again, who now has Melchior, the orphans, Lacus, and his mother in tow.)
MELCHIOR: What is going on?
MURRUE: People trying to kill us, we have to get to the bunker! No time to explain!
KIRA: Where’s Andy?
(A nearby wall suddenly breaks open and Andy bursts through it. He brushes some plaster chips off his shirt.)
ANDY: (Casually) Yo.
MURRUE: (Annoyed) We have doors for a reason, you know.
(Some assassins appear at the end of the hallway, but Andy and Murrue quickly gun them down. They then quickly lead the others through a secret passage way, down into the basement of the house, as the remaining assassins regroup outside.)
ASSASSIN # 1: Okay; I’m not gonna lie. That didn’t go so well. So we go to “Plan B”, designated “Screw Stealth”.
(The assassins all turn to run for the ocean as we cut back inside, where Andy and Murrue have led the others into a secret shielded bunker underneath the main house. Suddenly, the whole foundation begins to shake and everyone is nearly tossed to the ground. We cut back outside, where we see ZAFT-manufactured amphibious ASH mobile suits emerging from the ocean, with the assassins piloting them. They immediately begin opening fire on the house. Cut back into the bunker, where the war orphans desperately cling to Lacus, terrified.)
ORPHAN: (Looks up at Lacus) Are…are we gonna die?
LACUS: (Comfortingly) Of course not, sweetie.
(Lacus quickly looks to Murrue and talks aside with her.)
LACUS: (Quietly) Do we have enough suicide pills for us AND the children?
MELCHIOR: (To Andy) What is going on?
ANDY: Quiet; I’m trying to think…
(Suddenly, unseen by anyone, a gun barrel pokes through a ventilation grate near the ceiling. The gun barrel slowly travels over everyone until it rests on Lacus. Fingers tense up on the trigger to fire. Suddenly, Pink-Chan jumps up in front of Lacus.)
PINK-CHAN: (Cutely) Look out! Look out!
(Lacus follows Pink-Chan’s line of sight to see the gun aimed right at her.)
LACUS: (Concerned) Oh m-
(The assassin fires, the bullet flies towards Lacus. Suddenly, Kira comes out of nowhere and shoves Lacus roughly to the ground. The bullet misses her and hits the wall. Murrue and Andy immediately whirl around and unload their pistols into the ventilation grate.)
ASSASSIN: (From outside) AGH!!!
(Murrue and Andy stop firing. Murrue turns to Lacus, who is slowly getting off the ground. Lacus looks lovingly at Kira.)
LACUS: (Gushy) Oh, Kira! You saved me from the sniper!
KIRA: (Puts his hand on his head and rolls his eyes) Yeah…but only because the kids don’t need to see any more violence…
(Murrue turns back and cautiously walks underneath the ventilation grate.)
MURRUE: (Calls up into it) Are you dead yet?
ASSASSIN: (From the grate) Uh…yeah…
MURRUE: (Narrows eyes) Be honest, now.
ASSASSIN: (Sighs) Ohhhh-kay. I’m still alive.
(Murrue raises her gun and fires into the grate again. A cry of pain sounds from outside.)
ASSASSIN: (Dying) That one did it.
(We hear a body crumple to the ground outside of the grate and blood begins to drip through it. The orphans quietly watch the blood drip to the floor.)
ORPHAN # 2: (Slowly grins) Heh. Neat.
(Andy and Murrue quickly usher the others through ANOTHER door to an even DEEPER and even SECRET-ER bunker.)
MELCHIOR: (To Kira’s mom) What is going on?
KIRA’S MOM: (Still drunk somehow) Somethin’…a’unno…
(The whole room shakes again. Murrue puts her hand on the wall to steady herself, then looks to Kira.)
MURRUE: Kira-kun…I think we have to consider using…“it”.
KIRA: (Downcast) But…
ANDY: She’s right, Kira. Unless you’d rather just lay down and die.
KIRA: Well, it’s just that…if I use “it”, we’ll have to go into hiding on the Archangel…
ANDY: (Grins) So? Don’t you wanna go on another wacky adventure?
(Kira turns and glares at Andy.)
KIRA: I cannot stress ENOUGH how much I do NOT want to go on “another wacky adventure”. The last wacky adventure I went on got me blown up twice and my girlfriend killed. Oh, and I found out my parents weren’t my real parents and I was a little attracted to my sister. (Pauses) Yeah…that was a pretty crappy year.
MELCHIOR: Use what? What are you all talking about? WHAT IS GOING ON??
(Ignoring the Reverend, Kira takes a deep breath as Lacus and the kids watch him worryingly. Finally, he turns to Andy.)
KIRA: Fine then. Let’s do it. Better than dying. Marginally at least…
(Kira and Andy walk up to a large door at the rear of the room, and simultaneously key in a sequence on parallel keypads. The door slides open, revealing a mini-hangar where the FREEDOM GUNDAM rests, fully-repaired since the end of the last war. Everyone walks in and looks up at it in awe.)
MELCHIOR: (Dramatically) Metal…Gear…
ANDY: (Looks over at Melchior with a dubious glance) What? You can’t see what it is…
MELCHIOR: (Looks back at Andy with a frown) Well maybe if you jerkholes actually TOLD me what was happening around me instead of just leaving the blind man to fend for HIMSELF, I wouldn’t have to guess all the time!!
(But Andy’s already ignoring Melchior as Kira strides with purpose towards Freedom as we cut to outside, where the assassins’ ASH units are inspecting the rubble of the house. Cut to the lead ASH unit’s cockpit.)
ASSASSIN # 1: Okay, no way they survived all this, unless of course they were main characters. We’ll-
(Suddenly, a beam rifle shot erupts from the side of the cliff that the house is built into. The ASH units all turn to watch as Freedom bursts from the rubble and flies up to hover above them all.)
ASSASSIN # 2: It can’t be! That’s the Freedom!
ASSASSIN # 1: (Comically) WHAAAAA-AAAAA-T?
KIRA: (Sternly) Countdown to ass-stompage commencing…5...4...
(But the promised ass-stompage never comes, as we fade out of flashback land and fade back into the present. In the elevator, Shinn shakes his head in slight confusion.)
SHINN: (Thinking) Wait a second, why was I remembering that?? (Looks over at Kira) He-he even steals my flashbacks from me! Goddammit!!!
(Shinn glares at the oblivious Kira as the Ultimate Coordinator listens to Athrun talk.)
ATHRUN: …So anyway, I saved his girl’s life and then proceeded to make him look like an utter tool right in front of her. I’m a good friend like that.
KIRA: (Impressed) I see.
MEYRIN: Hey- I think we’ve finally arrived at the top!
LUNA: Well, about damn time!
(Kira walks up in front of the group as the door to the elevator opens and reveals the meeting room.)
KIRA: Well, time to-
(Kira freezes as he sees Lacus standing there waiting for him in the center of the room. She’s flanked by Yzak, Dearka, Shiho, Arthur, and a bunch of other ZAFT officials.)
LACUS: (Smiles) Hello, my love.
KIRA: (Freaks out) It’s a trap!
(Kira immediately reaches into his pocket and produces a “disco-blaster”. He fires crudely-animated laser bolts from it at Lacus, but she holds her hand out and effortlessly deflects the blasts. She then motions and the gun is wrenched from Kira’s hand by some invisible force and flies back to Lacus.)
LACUS: (Sinisterly) We would be honored if you would join us…
KIRA: (Panicked) No chance!
(Kira turns to jump back into the elevator, but suddenly Hilda blocks his path.)
LACUS: (Smirks) Restrain him.
HILDA: Yes, Lacus-sama. Boys?
OTHER DOM PILOT: Yeah!
OTHER OTHER DOM PILOT: I concur!
(The two other DOM pilots each grab Kira by an arm and begin dragging him towards Lacus. Kira kicks and screams the entire way. Once he‘s next to her, Lacus leans close to him.)
LACUS: (Smiles sweetly) There’s no escaping me, dear. Now I’m going to “improve” you so you’ll never leave me again!
KIRA: (Turns back) Agh! Athrun! Do something!
LACUS: (Looks to Athrun, narrows her eyes) Yes, Athrun…do something.
(Athrun looks at Kira, then at Lacus, then back to Kira.)
ATHRUN: (Holds his hands up) Hey, whatever. I think you two need some time alone anyway.
(Lacus smiles and Kira looks to Athrun in disbelief.)
KIRA: (Screams) You sold me out, Zala! You sold me out!
ATHRUN: (Waves and laughs) Take care, buddy!
(Lacus regards Luna, Shinn, and Meyrin, who are watching the spectacle unfold with some confusion.)
LACUS: (Flatly) You guys can go. I have what I came for.
(Lacus and her entourage depart, with the two DOM troopers dragging an unwilling, screaming Kira behind them. Athrun, Luna, Meyrin, and Shinn just turn around and get back into the elevator and begin the slow journey down.)
LUNA: Ummm…quick question? How come Lacus continues to pursue a relationship with Kira if he clearly wants nothing to do with her?
ATHRUN: (Shrugs) Same reason there’s a hot springs on the Archangel…
MEYRIN: (Stretches and yawns) Oh well, I guess I’ll turn in when I get back home. All this elevator riding has made me tired.
ATHRUN: (Nods) Yeah, we all deserve a rest after that trying, trying series…I mean, war.
(Luna looks over at Shinn, who is wearing a slight smirk on his face.)
LUNA: Shinn? You look happy. Are you okay?
SHINN: (Turns to Luna) Eh, I was just thinking that sometimes even when things seem bad…the universe has a way of balancing it out.
LUNA: (Tilts her head in surprise) That’s unusually deep for you, Shinn. I think you especially need some rest.
SHINN: Yeah. (Wide grin) Besides, we all need to be in top form for when Gundam 00 fails and everyone comes crawling back to Cosmic Era.
ATHRUN: (Smiles) You’re making sense again, Shinn!
SHINN: (Smiles back) Don’t get used to it!
(Athrun offers Shinn his hand and they high-five. All is right in the world as we fade out.)
THE END
“Fly From The Inside, Freedom!”
Or
“I Found A Way…To Steal The Show From Shinn!”
(We open in one of the colonies of PLANT, in an unidentified city. We focus in on an elevator going up the side of a very, very, VERY tall building in the city. Within said-elevator, we find several important characters riding inside; Kira Yamato, Athrun Zala, Shinn Asuka, and Meyrin Hawke. Also, the DOM Trooper trio and Lunamaria Hawke are there. Kira, of note, is wearing a white ZAFT “high-commander” uniform, an outfit he has never worn in the series before. Kira fanboys and fangirls everywhere leave immediately to update their blogs on this particular note. We focus in on Shinn Asuka, who appears to be deep in thought. I know, it seems contradictory, but bear with me.)
SHINN: (Thinking) Here we go. Day one of my new life as a Lacus Klyne minion and already I’m being forced to go to some boring commencement ceremony.
(Shinn takes a look over at Kira, who is chatting with Athrun.)
KIRA: I’m excited! Being instantly promoted to ZAFT commander for no apparent reason must have pissed no small manner of people off. But once they see how cool I look in this new outfit, all will be forgiven, I’m sure!
ATHRUN: (Smiles) The ceremony’s gonna be grand, I tell ya. Being promoted to ZAFT commander is like…ten birthdays all in one. It’s the best.
LUNA: (Speaks up, pointedly to Athrun) Like you would know. You’ve never made it to that rank.
(Athrun turns and glares over at Luna.)
ATHRUN: (Indignantly) I was gonna be, eventually! But something about my various assorted desertions and defections just rubbed the higher-ups the wrong way!
MEYRIN: (Speaks up, looking out the window of the elevator) We’ve been riding this thing a long time…
KIRA: Yeah. This is a really tall building.
MEYRIN: Gotta wonder sometimes about “improved” Coordinator engineering. (Mockingly) “Oh, I know! I’ll make buildings that are even TALLER!” (Mutters) Yeah, real frickin’ innovative there.
LUNA: Well…being tall is nice. You’d know that if you were tall.
MEYRIN: (Turns to Luna) Oh come off it, you’re only a few inches over me.
LUNA: Yeah…height-wise. Don’t feel bad though- you’ve got me beat width-wise at least.
MEYRIN: (Seething) Thanks SO much for bringing that up. As if I don’t have ENOUGH self-esteem issues!
LUNA: You?? At least YOU were on the winning side of the war. I got totally beaten and humiliated! By like…more than half the people standing in this elevator right now!
(Luna makes a sweeping arm motion, indicating the DOM Trooper trio, who shrug unapologetically but remain silent, Athrun, who smiles and nods in affirmation, and Shinn, who is now staring off into space, still lost in what would evidently be deep thought. Luna looks miffed that he isn’t paying attention.)
LUNA: (Glares) Yeah, I even got attacked by my supposed “boyfriend” over there. (Waves at Shinn) Hey! Can’t you hear me, you head/basket-case?
(Shinn still isn’t paying attention to Luna. She continues to talk in his direction, but her words don’t register to him. Shinn glances again in Kira’s direction, as the Ultimate Coordinator has turned back to talk with Athrun.)
SHINN: (Thinking) There he is; my one-time arch-nemesis. We’ve patched things up for now…but there was a time when all I could think about was totally crushing him and his stupid Freedom. I didn’t know it was him back then, but I can still remember the day we first crossed paths…
(We fade into flashback land to several months prior, just shortly after the second Bloody Valentine War started. The Minerva is docked in Orb’s port, resting for repairs after saving planet Earth from the Junius 7 drop. We cut to a corridor in the Minerva as Shinn walks down it, wearing a disgusted look on his face. As he rounds a corner, he almost bumps into Luna.)
LUNA: Oh, Shinn, hi. What are you doing here?
SHINN: (Grumbles) What do you mean? I live here.
LUNA: I mean, why haven’t you gone ashore? You used to live here in Orb, didn’t you? Before you joined ZAFT.
SHINN: (Looks uncomfortable) Yeah.
LUNA: So wouldn’t you want to visit your old home? Maybe take in some of Orb’s famous neutrality?
SHINN: (Looks away) No.
LUNA: Why not? I’m sure your parents would be happy to-
(Luna abruptly stops talking and puts her hand over her mouth as Shinn looks sharply back at her.)
LUNA: I’m…sorry…I forgot your family was brutally killed in Orb!
SHINN: (Looks down) It’s okay.
LUNA: Oh, Shinn, that was SO insensitive of me!
SHINN: Really, it’s fine.
LUNA: I can only imagine what it was like; seeing their twisted bodies lying there, torn apart by an explosion…
SHINN: Luna…
LUNA: …limbs missing and that cold vacant stare of their dead eyes…
SHINN: (Annoyed) Luna.
LUNA: …and the horrible knowledge that if you were just a bit closer to them when they were hit, you’d be dead too instead of living on with the unbearable guilt and the suffering and the like…
SHINN: (Shouts) LUNA!
(Luna jumps at this. Shinn stares at her with serious eyes and begins leaning closer to her as he talks.)
SHINN: (Menacingly) I hate this country. I hate what this country caused to happen to my parents and Mayu. This country has caused me nothing but heartache and every moment we spend in this harbor is slowly eating away at my soul. So there, Luna. There’s your answer as to why I’m not going out there. Orb hates me…and I hate Orb. And the best way I can think of to SHOW that hate is by not stepping foot on its soil for as long as we’re here, GOT IT?
(Shinn is right in Luna’s face by this point; she’s leaning back a bit. She holds her hands up defensively.)
LUNA: Got it, got it. Although…
SHINN: (Pulls back, annoyed) Although what?
LUNA: (Thoughtfully) Seems to me…
SHINN: (Annoyed) What, what??
LUNA: That if you REALLY want to show your disgust for Orb…
SHINN: Yessssss?
LUNA: You’ll go ashore just to SPITE the country that hates you.
(Shinn stares back at her with widened eyes. Cut to outside the Minerva minutes later as Shinn, in civilian clothes and riding a motor-scooter, drives away from the dock and heads into Orb‘s mainland.)
SHINN: (Screams) THOUGHT YOU GOT RID OF ME, DIDN’T YOU, YOU FILTHY PIECE OF CRAP COUNTRY???
(Cut to the Minerva’s exterior deck, where Luna stands at a railing, watching Shinn drive off. Meyrin, in civilian clothes, walks up beside her.)
MEYRIN: (Confused) Yo…I just got back from the mainland with the others and…why is Shinn headed off like that?
LUNA: Oh, I just got him to take a ride. It was depressing how he’s been moping around the Minerva for the past few days.
MEYRIN: That was probably a good idea. Otherwise he’ll become like Rey; just all…isolated and weird.
LUNA: Well, Rey has that clone excuse. He can be forgiven for being generally disgusted with the entire world around him. But Shinn…he needs to find some other way to express himself.
MEYRIN: (Grins) Ooh, sounds like someone might have a crush on someone else!
LUNA: (Scoffs) Rey’s too high-maintenance. Wait, scratch that; Rey’s like…ULTRA-high-maintenance. Plus, there’s that whole advanced aging thing…when I’m twenty, he’ll be like…thirty. And when I’m thirty…he’ll be like…dead.
MEYRIN: (Singsong) That’s not the two people I was talk-ING about…
LUNA: (Looks at Meyrin, dumbfounded look) What, Rey and Shinn?? I don’t THINK they’re…that way. Although they DO share the same room…so that WOULD make things easy…
MEYRIN: (Shakes her head) No, no! I mean, YOU and Shinn!
LUNA: (Laughs) Me and…HA! Like I’d EVER be attracted to Shinn.
MEYRIN: (Laughs) Yeah…I’m just kidding anyway. I’d probably disown you as my sister if you settled for someone like the captain of Angst-Central.
LUNA: (Smiles) Yeah…
(We cut away from the sisters Hawke and the currently peaceful island of Orb, to Lord Djibril’s large mansion complex, located somewhere where I don‘t know where it is. Within its walls, Djibril sits down in front of a large bank of monitors and prepares for his usual Evil Old Man Video Meeting ™ with the other members of LOGOS. A butler comes up alongside his chair and offers a large plate of cookies. Djibril grabs one and examines it in disgust.)
DJIBRIL: There’s raisins in them! I loathe raisins!
BUTLER: (Sputters) Suh-sorry, sir. I shall dispose of these at once.
DJIBRIL: (Glares) I had my last butler quietly executed outside behind the Halloween decorations storage shed for far less! See that you don’t disappoint me again!
BUTLER: (Gulps) Of course, sir.
(The butler leaves under Djibril’s withering glare, as the large video monitors come to life with the images of various members of LOGOS. Djibril smiles and begins to address them.)
DJIBRIL: Distinguished members of our eminent little society, I come to you with news that Orb is very close to signing a treaty with the Earth Alliance Forces that will give us access to Orb’s military forces in our crusade against PLANT.
LOGOS MEMBER # 1: I have word here, Djibril, that the ZAFT ship Minerva is currently docked in Orb.
LOGOS MEMBER # 2: If the treaty goes through soon, they could easily take advantage of that situation!
LOGOS MEMBER # 3: I dunno…if not for the Minerva, the complete chunk of Junius 7 would have hit Earth and probably killed the majority of us. Wouldn’t it be…I dunno, what’s the word?
LOGOS MEMBER # 4: (Offers) Dick-ish?
LOGOS MEMBER # 3: Yeah! Wouldn’t we end up looking like a bunch of dicks if we had the Minerva attacked right out of Orb’s waters?
DJIBRIL: (Annoyed) Dennis…we’re RACISTS. Regardless of what we do or don’t do, we’re going to come off as dicks. So we might as well make life miserable for those stinking animals on the Minerva.
LOGOS MEMBER # 2: (Rubbing his hands together evilly) Yeah! That’ll teach em’ to save our lives!
DJIBRIL: (Smiles) I’ll continue putting pressure on the EAF to push their treaty-signing with Orb. I’ll contact you gentlemen again when I have more news.
LOGOS MEMBER # 1: My wife says hi, Djibril. She says that we’ll have to get together with you and your cat and go out for dinner again one night.
DJIBRIL: Susan said that? Aw, she’s a peach. I’ll discuss it with Mr. Bigotsworth* and get back to you.
*My name for Lord Djibril’s cat. Clever, eh? It’s no repainted Gaia for Andy, but still…
LOGOS MEMBER # 1: Signing off.
(The monitors switch off as the other LOGOS members hang up. Djibril sits back in his chair contently as Mr. Bigotsworth jumps up on his lap. His butler walks back into the room, holding another tray.)
BUTLER: Tea, sir?
DJIBRIL: (Pleased) Yes, thank you.
(As Djibril watches, the butler pours some hot tea into a cup, then adds sugar, then reaches for a quart of milk. Djibril suddenly stands up, as Mr. Bigotsworth leaps off his lap, and grabs the butler’s arm before he can pour the milk into the tea.)
BUTLER: (Worried) Sir?
DJIBRIL: (Sneers) I’m intolerant of lactose, you clod.
BUTLER: (Flustered) M-my apologies…!
DJIBRIL: (Reaching into his shirt) And what I’m intolerant of…
(The butler tenses up and takes a step back as Djibril produces a fancy, decorative pistol from within his shirt and thumbs back the hammer.)
DJIBRIL: (Aims at the quart of milk) …I DESTROY.
(As Djibril maliciously grins, he pulls the trigger. We don’t see what happens to the container, but milk splatters all over Djibril’s smirking face. The butler shields himself but gets milk all over him as well. The milk-spattered Djibril calmly pulls the pistol back up and puts it back in his shirt, then turns his attention to the trembling butler.)
DJIBRIL: (Snarls) Now clean this mess up!
(Djibril stalks away as the butler hurriedly drops to the floor and begins soaking the milk up with his shirt sleeves. Djibril sits back in his chair, fuming, until Mr. Bigotsworth jumps back onto his lap. The cat begins licking the milk off Djibril’s face.)
DJIBRIL: (Giggling) Heehee, stop it! Stop it, you naughty, naughty cat, you!
(Djibril squirms in his chair as the cat continues to lick him. Suddenly, he glances back over at the butler, who is staring up at him with a weirded-out expression.)
DJIBRIL: (Screams) DON’T LOOK AT US!!!
(The butler quickly turns his attention back to cleaning the spilt milk as Mr. Bigotsworth continues to lick Djibril’s face and he continues to giggle and squirm. Meanwhile, we cut back to Orb, to the residence currently owned by Murrue Ramius and Andrew Watfield. A pizza-delivery guy walks up to the main entrance and rings the bell. A few seconds later, someone answers- a young man wearing a robe and sandals, with long flowing brown hair that reaches to his shoulders, and a beard and mustache on his face. This is Kira Yamato.)
PIZZA DELIVERY GUY: (Looks at the pizza box) Uh, delivery for…”Jesus Yamato”?
(Kira’s face contorts into a frown. He leans back into the house and yells off-screen.)
KIRA: (Shouts) I am NOT AMUSED, Andy!!
ANDY: (Laughs heartily from somewhere inside the house) What? You don’t get it?
(Kira makes a disgusted sound, slaps some money into the pizza guy’s hand, then takes the food inside. We cut to inside the house; Kira passes by the blind Reverend Melchior, sitting on a chair across from another chair, on which sits one of the war orphans that also live in this house.)
ORPHAN # 1: Okaaaay…go!
(The orphan and Melchior shake their hands and do Rock-Paper-Scissors. The orphan gets scissors, Melchior gets rock.)
MELCHIOR: (Excited) Did I win?
ORPHAN # 1: Uhhhhhh…no.
MELCHIOR: (Clenches his fist and bangs it into his other palm) Crap! That’s fifty-eight losses in a row, dammit! Again!
ORPHAN # 1: (Shrugs) It’s your money.
(Kira continues walking into the living room, where Murrue sits reading a book on the couch and the rest of the war orphans are sitting on the floor, in front of the TV set. One orphan is holding a video game controller, while another controller rests on the floor, and three other kids sit behind him and watch the screen. Kira sets the pizzas down on the floor, where the three other kids begin opening the boxes and eating. Kira sits himself back next to the kid playing the video game and picks up his controller.)
KIRA: Hey…you un-paused the game when I was away!
ORPHAN # 2: (Smirks) Yeah, how ‘bout that?
KIRA: Well, that isn’t fair!
ORPHAN # 2: Like it makes a difference; I’ve been owning you for the better part of the morning. Why don’t you just bust out those mad Ultimate Coordinator skills of yours?
KIRA: (Frowns) My God Mode doesn’t extend to video games…
(Murrue looks up from her book and gets up off the couch.)
MURRUE: Oh, Kira-kun. If you’re planning to visit the Orb Memorial today, you should at least shower and shave.
KIRA: (Not looking at her, focused on the video game) Nah, I won’t be doing that.
MURRUE: (Sternly) Kira Yamato, ever since the first Bloody Valentine War ended, you’ve just been lounging about, being lazy. You need to start pulling yourself back together again!
KIRA: (Still not looking at her) You can’t tell me what to do; you’re not my REAL mom!
MURRUE: (Sighs) Kira, your “real” mom isn’t even your real mom! Beside she’s constantly in a liquor-induced stupor after the mysterious disappearance of your dad.
(Murrue motions off-screen and we pan over to see Kira’s mom lying draped across an armchair with a bottle of whiskey in her hand. She takes a swig then haphazardly motions in Kira’s general direction with the bottle.)
KIRA’S MOM: (Drunk as hell) Doowhut yer capt’n toldja do, hun. (Burps, then takes another swig of whiskey)
MURRUE: (Looks back at Kira) You desperately need a haircut, too.
KIRA: (Still intently playing the video game) Yup, sure. Whatever you were saying.
(Seeing that Kira isn’t going to cooperate, Murrue sighs and folds her arms.)
MURRUE: (Eyes narrow) Children; subdue Mr. Yamato.
(Kira’s eyes widen as suddenly all the kids in the room jump on him and start tickling him. He starts laughing uncontrollably and thrashing about on the ground.)
KIRA: (Tears coming to his eyes as he giggles) Ahah! Stuh-stop it! Ahaha! I’ll, ahah! I’ll kill you all, ahahah, I swear it! Ahahahah!
(Cut to several minutes later. Kira is sitting with a frown in a wooden washtub outside while Murrue is scrubbing his head with shampoo. He’s also been shaved and looks more like we remember him from Seed.)
KIRA: (Grumbles) I hate you SO much sometimes…
MURRUE: Hey! Andy and I took you and Lacus and your mom and the Reverend and the orphans in when your house was destroyed. You should thank your lucky stars we’re so generous.
KIRA: Yeah…yeah.
MURRUE: Okay, done. Go get dressed and you and Lacus can head out.
KIRA: (Grumbles) Marvelous.
(Minutes later, Lacus is waiting in the house’s kitchen, sitting on a stool and listening to the radio.)
RADIO VOICE: The weather in Orb today is absolutely inoffensive. Not too hot, not too cold. Looks like it gonna be another perfectly neutral day!
(Kira walks into the kitchen, dressed in the usual civilian entire he wore in Seed. Apparently he only has one set of casual clothes. Lacus eagerly jumps up and greets him.)
LACUS: (Chipper) Good morning, Kira!
PINK-CHAN: (Bounces up into view) Good morning, Kira!
KIRA: (Mutters) It’s one in the afternoon.
LACUS: (Catches Pink-Chan) Well, I haven’t seen you yet today!
KIRA: (Walks past her) Yeah…wonder why that could be?
LACUS: Ooh, so we’re going out?
KIRA: That’s the plan.
LACUS: (Jumps up in a cheer) Yay!
(Lacus looks to Kira adoringly, but Kira simply walks out of the kitchen. She quickly follows him. We cut to outside where Kira stalks determinedly away from the house, with Lacus desperately trying to keep up with his brisk pace.)
LACUS: (Trying to get his attention) Kira! Kira! Kirakirakira!
KIRA: (Sighs) What?
LACUS: Want me to sing a song while we walk?
KIRA: Not rea-
(But Lacus starts singing away. One of her songs. I dunno which one; they all sound alike to me. Somehow magically there is instrumental back-up along with her singing. Kira hunches his shoulders, sighs again, then starts walking faster to try and gain some distance from Lacus, who is singing with her eyes closed. Unfortunately for Kira, Pink-Chan sees that he’s moving away.)
PINK-CHAN: (Cutely) I won’t allow it! I won’t allow it!
(Lacus opens her eyes, then starting moving faster and also singing faster, trying to keep up with Kira. Kira looks back over his shoulder and glares at Pink-Chan.)
KIRA: (Mutters under his breath) One of these days I’m going to “accidentally” step on that thing and break it.
(We cut away from Kira and Lacus to the main Orb parliament building. Inside the main meeting room, Cagalli Yula Athha confronts Yuna Roma Seiran, his father Unato Ema Seiran, and a bunch of Orb representatives.)
CAGALLI: (Shouts) We’re WHAT??
YUNA: (Confused) Getting Chinese food for lunch. What’s wrong?
CAGALLI: (Shakes her head) No, no! The thing you said right before that!
YUNA: Oh. Accepting a treaty of alliance with the EAF?
CAGALLI: Yeah, that! How can we DO something like that?
YUNA: It’s really quite simple, Cagalli dear. They’ve given us an ultimatum- we’re either with them or against them. I mean, when someone tells you that, how are you supposed to respond?
CAGALLI: (Yells) Against them, of course!
YUNA: (Puts his hand on his head) Of COURSE! Why didn’t I think of that?? I’ll just get on the phone with the EAF right now and tell them “never mind, screw you”.
CAGALLI: (Dubious look) What, seriously?
YUNA: (Sighs) No, not seriously, Cagalli. I was being sarcastic to make you look stupid. Geez.
(The other Orb reps in the room stifle some chuckles at this as Cagalli glares at Yuna. Unato touches Cagalli’s shoulder to get her attention.)
UNATO: Look, Cagalli, I know you want to follow in your dad’s footsteps, despite him being the no-good hippie that he was, but we have to be practical! The EAF will burn Orb down again if we don’t comply!
CAGALLI: But…but ZAFT isn’t our enemy! We owe them our gratitude for helping prevent the Junius 7 drop. And furthermore, allying with the EAF goes against the ideals of…
YUNA: (Interrupts) Yes, yes, we know. We’ve heard it all before. Geez, you sure are your windbag father’s windbag daughter…
CAGALLI: (Whirls back to Yuna, furious) Yuna, you slimy piece of-
YUNA: (Wags his finger) Now, now. Save the dirty talk for our wedding night, my love.
CAGALLI: (Enraged) I’ll…you…you can just go to hell!
(Cagalli turns and determinedly stalks out of the room. Yuna turns to his dad after she leaves.)
YUNA: (Grins) It’s funny how easy it is to make her mad. We’re going to be so happy together…
(A short time later, we cut to the Minerva, still in the Orb harbor. On the bridge, a call comes in on the open communications channel. Talia Gladys and Arthur Trine move over to the console to listen.)
VOICE: (On radio) Minerva. Leave soon. Orb is about to sign a treaty with the EAF. It’s not safe for you to hang here anymore.
TALIA: Far be it from me to question the kindness of strangers, but how do we know you’re telling the truth?
ARTHUR: (Dubious) Yeah; who is this exactly?
(We cut to the other end of the line, where we see Andy sitting in his home at a bench that has a large radio system on it. He pauses, pouring some more grounds into a pot of coffee and begins stirring it. The coffee package says “Sea World Brand Coffee Mix, now with the great taste of whale!”. Andy takes a sip of the new brew.)
ANDY: (Sighs contently) Ah…robust.
(Andy puts the coffee pot down and hits the transmit button again on his radio.)
ANDY: (Talking into radio) I can’t tell you who I am…but I can tell you that you can trust this information implicitly and unreservedly. Are you familiar with the man called Andrew Watfield?
(Cut back to the Minerva. Talia and Arthur’s faces register recognition at the name.)
TALIA: The…Desert Tiger? Yes, I know of him…
(Cut back to Andy.)
ANDY: Well, this isn’t him, but the information I just gave you was offered on his behalf.
(Cut back to the Minerva.)
TALIA: Soooo, the anonymous friend of a known ZAFT deserter is offering us information, huh?
ARTHUR: The sheer credibility of it all just leaps off the page at you, doesn’t it?
ANDY: (On radio) Hey, believe it or not, you’re in for trouble. So use this information or don’t use it.
TALIA: What would you gain by telling us this? And how can you be sure they’ll sign the treaty?
(Cut to Andy’s end of the transmission.)
ANDY: Hey, just being neighborly is all. Surely you saw the signs that things were going to escalate in this manner.
(Cut to the Minerva)
TALIA: Oh, I saw the signs. And they opened up my eyes, I SAW the signs.
ANDY: (On radio) I have to go now, but please consider using this information to your advantage. This is Andrew Watfield…’s anonymous friend, signing off!
(The transmission cuts out, leaving Talia and Arthur looking at each other with worried expressions. We cut to a remote part of Orb along the waterfront; this is a former military base which now has a simple stone memorial dedicated to those who lost their lives in the first Bloody Valentine War. Shinn Asuka walks alone over the desolated area, lost in memories. Suddenly, he spies someone else standing before the stone memorial overlooking the ocean.)
SHINN: (Surprised) Huh?
(As Shinn walks closer, we see that it is Kira Yamato standing before the memorial. Kira kneels down and scoops up a handful of pebbles from the ground, then rolls them around in his hand thoughtfully. Curious, Shinn approaches Kira from behind.)
SHINN: (Hesitantly) Um…
(Kira’s eyes widen in surprise, and he whirls about lightning-fast to face the newcomer.)
KIRA: (Panicked) AH! Full-burst!!!
(Kira throws the handful of pebbles as hard as he can at Shinn, who gets unexpectedly hit by them.)
SHINN: (Brings his arms up defensively) AGH! What the hell??
(Kira calms down as fast as he panicked and watches Shinn carefully as the younger boy brushes some dirt off his clothes.)
KIRA: Oh…sorry. Reflex reaction. You startled me.
SHINN: (Grumbles) It’s okay.
KIRA: I was just leaving anyway…there isn’t much here…
(Kira motions back to the memorial stone, which has fresh flowers planted all around it.)
SHINN: (Glares at the stone) I hate flowers…
KIRA: They’ll probably get destroyed when the tide comes in anyway.
SHINN: (Eyes narrow) Probably, eh? I’d rather not take that risk…
(Shinn walks brusquely past Kira, up to the memorial stone, and begins violently stomping all the flowers that are growing there. Kira watches him inquisitively until finally, Shinn has flattened all the flowers growing around the stone.)
KIRA: I…admire your resolve. But what do you have against flowers?
SHINN: (Turns back to Kira) What good are they? What did they ever do for anyone?
KIRA: Well, they’ve been helping guys get laid for the past something-hundred years…
SHINN: (Shrugs) There’s other ways, like setting your standards incredibly low or killing someone’s sister…
KIRA: (Nods) True.
(A strange, significant silence settles over the two young men, as the wind blows in the background. Shinn finally turns around and begins to walk away.)
SHINN: I’ve got to leave…nice meeting you.
KIRA: Yeah…bye…
(Shinn walks away as Kira watches him go. Lacus comes walking up a nearby hill, gently singing. She sees Shinn walking away and walks up beside Kira.)
LACUS: Who was that?
KIRA: (Distantly) Didn’t get his name. Seemed like a nice guy, although I got a strange feeling off him…like we’ve met before…in a different time…at a different place…
LACUS: (Gushy) Oh, Kira, you say the most poetic things! You’re so deep!
(Lacus suddenly clasps on to Kira’s arm adoringly as he stares off into space. Kira nearly jumps out of his clothes.)
KIRA: (Stammers) Uh…er…yeah, thanks.
(Lacus closes her eyes and presses herself against Kira’s shoulder. From the look of Kira’s expression, it’s as if the girl holding his arm is some kind of parasitic pink-haired fungus.)
LACUS: (Happily) Do you want to sit in and watch a movie together tonight? (Suggestively) WITHOUT Murrue and the orphans, I mean?
(Kira blanches in fear. With some difficulty, he untangles himself from Lacus’s grip, and steps back a few paces.)
KIRA: (Continuing to step back towards the ocean) See, that sounds great and all…but the thing is…
LACUS: (Slowly advancing on him. smiling) Yesssss….?
(Kira suddenly points off-screen, behind Lacus.)
KIRA: What’s THAT???
LACUS: (Confused) What??
(Lacus turns around to see where Kira is pointing. As soon as she turns, Kira dashes off-screen to the left. A few seconds go by and suddenly we see him riding a jet-ski on the ocean, driving in the opposite direction. Lacus turns back and watches him go in confusion.)
KIRA: (Yells as he drives away) Somethingscomeupgottagobye!!!
LACUS: (Yells after him) I’ll see you back at the house then, Kira?
(No response as Kira is already out of range. Lacus waits for a few seconds, then cups her hands and yells into them in the direction Kira went.)
LACUS: (Shouts) Okay! I’ll just wait here till you get back, in that case!
(Lacus just keeps standing there as the sun sets, giving the impression that she really will stand there until Kira comes back to that spot. We cut to the next morning, as the Minerva prepares to cast off from Orb‘s harbor. Aboard the Minerva in a hallway, Cagalli talks with Talia.)
CAGALLI: (Looking down in shame) I’m so sorry things turned out this way…I tried to do everything I could to stop it.
TALIA: (Under her breath, grumbling) Yeah, I’m sure…frickin’ useless crybaby…
CAGALLI: (Looks up) Huh?
TALIA: (Big smile) I said, God bless you, dear! For all your wonderful help!
(Talia pats Cagalli’s shoulder comfortingly. Suddenly, Shinn comes walking around a corner. He sees Cagalli and immediately scowls.)
SHINN: (Angry) You!
CAGALLI: (Turns) Oh, uh, hi…angry kid whose name I didn’t bother to remember.
SHINN: (Furious) You’ve got some nerve coming here after your country agreed to sign that treaty with the EAF!
CAGALLI: (Ashamed) I just wanted to…
SHINN: Save it! I don’t wanna hear any more hollow words from the Athhas! You can’t cover up your crimes with your fancy talking!
CAGALLI: (Struggling to speak) I…urhm…you…derr…
SHINN: (Glares) If I ever see you again…I’ll kill you!
(Cagalli’s eyes widen and she looks to Talia.)
CAGALLI: Are you gonna just let him speak to me like this??
(Talia just shakes her head and laughs.)
TALIA: (Smiling) Oh Shinn. You and your frequent threats of homicide.
(Shinn turns to Talia, growling.)
SHINN: (Glares) Nobody humors me! I’ll kill you too!
TALIA: (Laughs) There he goes again! (Pats the still-growling Shinn on the head) Who’s a cute little boy?
(Shinn snaps at her hand with his teeth. Talia quickly pulls it back.)
TALIA: (Sternly) You won’t get your biscuit with THAT attitude, young man….now go to your room!
(Shinn turns back to Cagalli, glaring at her.)
SHINN: (Angrily) You and your whole stinking country… (Shinn makes a “gun” with his hand and points it right at Cagalli’s head) …stay out of my way or you’re all dead. (Shinn makes a “recoil” motion with his hand) Bang.
(Shinn then begins walking and purposely shoulder-checks Cagalli out of the way, shoving her to the side as he walks away. Cagalli looks unsettled and rubs her shoulder as Talia and her stand there wordlessly for a few seconds. Suddenly, Shinn comes walking back onto screen behind Cagalli.)
SHINN: (Flustered) My…my room’s this way.
(Shinn begins walking in the opposite direction, then turns back and shoulder-checks Cagalli AGAIN for the hell of it, THEN turns back and keeps walking off-screen. Cut to the Orb main parliament building, where Orb’s chief representatives have just finished signing a treaty with some EAF representatives. Unato Ema Seiran puts his pen down.)
UNATO: Done and done. I’m sure that we’ll almost not regret this maybe!
YUNA: (Leans over his father’s shoulder) Of course we won’t, dad. Look how trustworthy these gentlemen appear.
(Yuna motions to the EAF military representatives, who all have malevolent-looking smirks on their faces and are wringing their hands in a distinctly diabolical manner. One begins laughing manically in the background.)
UNATO: (Confused) Uh…yeah…
(The EAF rep stops laughing, quickly clears his throat and regards Yuna and Unato.)
EAF REPRESENTATIVE # 1: Sorry, got carried away. We’re just SO HAPPY that you guys signed this deal!
EAF REPRESENTATIVE # 2: Now; to business! We have a battle-group stationed a few miles outside your waters. They will attack the Minerva as soon as it leaves Orb territory.
EAF REPRESENTATIVE # 3: We’d appreciate it if you scrambled your naval forces and made sure the Minerva has nowhere to run to.
YUNA: Give you guys a distinctively unfair advantage, eh? I like the sound of that!
EAF REP # 2: That’s just the way the EAF rolls!
YUNA: (Giddy) To the military headquarters!
(As Yuna and the EAF reps rush off-screen, we cut to the Minerva floating in the ocean, a short time later. The ZAFT battleship has just left Orb’s territorial waters. Suddenly, a vast armada of EAF ships come into view in the distance. On the Minerva’s bridge, Talia Gladys regards the sight with angered eyes.)
TALIA: So that mysterious informant was telling the truth…damn his sexy voice to hell!
ARTHUR: (Overwhelmed at the sight of the enemy) C-Captain, what do we do?
TALIA: Have Shinn, Rey, and Lunamaria launch. The Earth Forces are launching their mobile suits…
(We see that it is true; the EAF fleet begins launching several squads of Windams equipped with Jet Striker packs. Cut to the hangar of the Minerva- Shinn and the others are preparing to launch in their mobile suits.)
LUNA: (Seeing the EAF fleet on a monitor) That’s a lot of mobile suits…
SHINN: (Scoffs) Who cares; we’ll carve a path through them or die trying!
LUNA: See, I’m not so cool with the “or die trying” part of that sentence…
REY: Enough chatter- let’s get out there.
LUNA: (Gulps nervously) Right-o, then.
(Rey and Luna’s ZAKUs launch, as well as Impulse’s components, which Shinn assembles into Force Impulse configuration. Rey and Luna’s units land on the Minerva’s deck, as Force Impulse hovers above.)
REY: Go Shinn! Go attack their entire fleet alone while we stand back here not aiding you in any discernable fashion!
SHINN: (Gung-ho) Got it! DAAAAAAIIIGGHHHHH!!!
(Shinn rockets off with purpose towards the incoming squads of Windams. Luna’s ZAKU turns towards Rey.)
LUNA: Uhhh, huh…you didn’t even have to convince him.
REY: He’ll be fine. They’re only Windams after all. They make Leos look like the Strike Freedom.
LUNA: Wow, and I don’t even know what the Strike Freedom IS yet!
(True to Rey’s assessment, the Windams fall easily to Impulse as Shinn wades into the center of the battlefield. Every beam fired by Impulse’s rifle blows a Windam up. One Windam manages to break through and heads on an attack run at the Minerva, but it collides with a stray seagull that has wandered into the battlefield and promptly explodes into pieces. The seagull keeps flying along as if nothing happened. Soon, the EAF‘s mobile suit forces have been reduced by a significant amount. Cut to Shinn in the Impulse.)
SHINN: (Looking around wildly) What else ya got, huh??
(Suddenly, Shinn notices a large mobile armor being launched from one of the EAF battleships. We cut to its cockpit, where it is manned by three pilots.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 1: Grrrrr, that ZAFT suit is making us look bad!
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 2: We’ll show him what it means to mess with the Zamza-Zah, the silliest-named mobile unit at the EAF’s disposal!
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 3: Fear our hilarity, Coordinator filth!!!
(The Minerva radios the Impulse.)
MEYRIN: (On radio) Shinn- pull back! We’re going to take that mobile armor out with the positron cannon!
SHINN: Got it!
(The Impulse pulls away as the Minerva’s positron cannon deploys. Cut to the Zamza-Zah’s cockpit.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 1: (Grins) They’re playing right into our hands!
(On the Minerva’s bridge, Talia grits her teeth and gives the order.)
TALIA: FIRE!
(The Minerva’s cannon fires as the Zamza-Zah goes upright and deploys positron deflectors. The Minerva’s blast strikes the EAF mobile armor directly and pushes it back as the positron blast spills in all directions off the deflector array. The beam spill-over decimates more than half of the EAF’s naval fleet. Finally, the blast ends and the Zamza-Zah rights itself again.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 3: (Triumphantly) HA! We took their best shot!
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 2: Er…yeah, but half our fleet is gone now…
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 1: The important part is…we’re still okay!
(On the Minerva’s bridge, the crew regard the situation with some tension.)
ARTHUR: Sufferin’ psycommu! It-it blocked our positron cannon!
TALIA: This might call for a strategic go-backwards really fast.
MEYRIN: A retreat?
TALIA: Yeah, that’s it. Prepare to fall back into Orb waters!
(The Minerva turns about, but finds that the Orb navy is now at their backs, preventing them from retreating.)
ARTHUR: What-what is this??
TALIA: (Eyes narrow) Dammit, they aren’t going to let us back…
(We cut to the Orb military HQ, where Yuna observes the battle in a large monitor room, along with dozens of other Orb military analysts.)
YUNA: (Smiles) Yes…the Minerva is trapped like a rat that‘s…surrounded by larger rats!
(Suddenly, the door to the room slides opens and Cagalli stalks in. Yuna turns to regard her with a smirk.)
CAGALLI: Yuna! What is going on here??
YUNA: We’re simply helping out our new best buddies in finishing off that Coordinator vessel.
CAGALLI: (Glares) This isn’t right! We should never have-
YUNA: (Returns the glare) Have WHAT? Secured our country’s future?
CAGALLI: (Can’t compose herself) No, but, you…it-!
YUNA: (Rolls his eyes) You should really hire new speechwriters.
(Everyone in the room chortles at little. Cagalli looks around helplessly.)
YUNA: (Smirks) Just sit back and leave the thinking to me, will you? After all, thinking is so very hard for poor wittle Cagalli after her head boo-boo…
CAGALLI: But-
YUNA: (Interrupts) Quiet! I’m not done emasculating you in front of everyone yet!
CAGALLI: (Frowns) Geez, you’re mean.
YUNA: Look, this is about the last time I’m threatening for the rest of the series, so try not to ruin it for me, huh?
(We cut back to the battle outside Orb’s waters as Shinn notices the blockade of Orb ships.)
SHINN: They’re fencing us in?? Bastards!
(Unfortunately, while Shinn’s focus is disrupted, the Zamza-Zah flies up and grabs the Impulse’s leg with a giant claw.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 1: Going down, punk.
(The Zamza-Zah drags Impulse downward and hurls the mobile suit at the ocean. The Impulse’s leg snaps off in the EAF mobile armor’s grip as it falls. Within the cockpit, Shinn strains to stay conscious as the Zamza-Zah fires its beam cannons downward to finish Impulse off. Suddenly, Shinn snaps to attention, with renewed determination.)
SHINN: (Grits his teeth) Die when I haven’t even read the latest Harry Potter book* yet? NOT A CHANCE!
*Cosmic Era is up to book thirty-eight; “Harry Potter and the Fiery Discharge”.
(Shinn immediately invokes “Memory of Dead Family”, which boosts his rage meter +50 and allows him to enter SEED mode. He regains control of the Impulse, just narrowly avoiding the Zamza-Zah’s blasts. Shinn rights his suit and begins flying back towards the Minerva.)
SHINN: (Radios Minerva) Meyrin! The as-of-yet-unmentioned-magic-instant-recharge-ray!
(On the Minerva‘s bridge, Meyrin blinks in confusion, but quickly recovers and responds.)
MEYRIN: Right! Emitting the Deuterion Beam!
(The Deuterion Beam fires from the Minerva and Impulse receives it on its head-crest. The Zamza-Zah crew watch in fascination.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 2: Uh…maybe we should attack him now, while he’s all standing still and what not?
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 3: Nah, that’d never work.
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 2: But-!
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 3: (Puts hands over his ears) Can’t hear yoooouuuuu!
(The Deuterion beam finishes and Impulse regains complete Phase Shift and power. Shinn turns about as the Zamza-Zah moves in to attack.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 1: I’ve had enough of your plot-devicery! DIE!
(The Zamza-Zah fires its beam cannons at the oncoming Force Impulse, striking its shield. But Shinn powers through the blast and abandons his shield as Impulse draws a beam saber and flies over the Zamza-Zah’s blast range. The three mobile armor pilots only have a moment to react in disbelief as Impulse raises its beam saber to strike.)
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 3: Oh-
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 2: My-
ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT # 1: Coconuts!
(Impulse’s saber slams into the Zamza-Zah’s cockpit, killing the three pilots. Shinn pulls back as the mobile armor falls into the ocean and explodes. Not missing a beat, Shinn radios the Minerva again.)
SHINN: Minerva- a new Leg Flyer and the Sword Silhouette!
(New components are launched from the Minerva as Impulse detaches its current Silhouette and damaged Leg Flyer and synchs up with the new ones. As Shinn forms up the Sword Impulse, evil pirate music begins playing in the background. Because…because they’re fighting on the ocean…I guess. Shinn turns his furious gaze towards the now-nearly defenseless EAF fleet as Impulse brandishes its twin ASSwords.)
SHINN: (Screams) I’ll hack you all to bits, one by one!
(Sword Impulse hurtles towards an EAF battleship as the bridge officers brace for attack.)
BRIDGE OFFICER # 1: AGH! Deploy the anti-giant-robot-with-beam-swords countermeasures!
BRIDGE OFFICER # 2: There aren’t any! In a world where giant robots are the primary means of combat, these ships are only designed to fight other sea-faring vessels!
BRIDGE OFFICER # 1: (Bangs a console) The fools! When will they learn???
(Impulse lands on the ship and destroys the bridge with an ASS swipe. It rockets off and repeats the action with every other EAF ship in the formation. Cut back to the Minerva’s bridge as the crew watches Shinn’s rampage in awe.)
MEYRIN: Whoa. Shinn for the win.
ARTHUR: No…fucking…way.
TALIA: Okay then, let’s use this plot-miracle and get the hell out of here, STAT!
(As the Minerva continues forward, we see the EAF fleet burning as Sword Impulse stands engulfed in the flames of destroyed battleships. On this image, we fade out and cut to that evening at Murrue and Andy’s house. Everyone has long since gone to sleep. Just outside the perimeter of the residence, a group of darkly-clad figures gather. They are assassins, here to do assassin-y stuff.)
ASSASSIN # 1: Okay; the target is in that house. Our orders are clear; kill her and leave no witnesses.
ASSASSIN # 2: Any particular method?
ASSASSIN # 1: Just fast and efficiently, no fuss. And especially no kinky torture. That means YOU, Randy!
ASSASSIN # 3: Damn! (Reaches into a duffel bag, pulls out a leather mask with a zipper on the mouth, a pair of handcuffs, and a whip, then reluctantly tosses them aside.)
ASSASSIN # 1: Remember; fast and clean. Now hands in the center!
(The assassin group huddles up and slaps a hand apiece into the center of the huddle.)
ASSASSIN # 1: One, two, three…
EVERYONE: (Simultaneously) ASSASSINS!
(The dozen or so assassins quickly scatter over the residence, cloaked by the night. As they approach the house, we cut to inside to Murrue Ramius’s bedroom. She is asleep in her bed when suddenly her finely-tuned important plot-event senses snap her awake. She hurriedly sits up and looks towards a window.)
MURRUE: Something’s…not right out there.
(Quickly pulling on a pair of pants and grabbing her gun, Murrue dashes out of her room. Meanwhile nearby in another room, an assassin is sneaking in through the window. He quietly shuts the window behind him, readies his gun and stealthily creeps to the door. Suddenly, before he can open it, the door knob begins to turn and open by itself. The assassin quickly flattens himself against the wall next to the door as Andy walks in, drinking a mug of coffee.)
ANDY: (Takes a sip) Ahhh, it’s true what they say; “the twenty-seventh cup of the day is always the best”. And by “they”, I of course mean “me”.
(Suddenly, Andy looks into his mug and frowns. The liquid’s surface ripples a little.)
ANDY: That’s odd…the coffee shouldn’t move like that in here…
(As Andy examines his coffee, the assassin sneaks up behind him, ready to garrote him with some strangle-wire. Suddenly, Andy whirls about and throws the coffee right into the assassin’s face, burning him.)
ASSASSIN: (Scalded) AIAAIAGHHHH!!!
ANDY: (Smirks) This room’s atmosphere is specially-treated and modulated for the precisely-perfect coffee-drinking experience! Did you really think I wouldn’t notice the change in air pressure??
(Nearby down the hall, the assassin’s scream wakes the rest of the residents of the house. Kira quickly springs out of bed, puts his pants on and runs out of the room, almost colliding with a gun-toting Murrue.)
KIRA: What’s going on??
MURRUE: Someone or some ONES have broken into the house!
KIRA: (Quickly) I’ll get the kids out of here! (Pauses) And my mom! (Another pause) And Torii! (Pauses again) And the Reverend! (Long pause) And Lacus if there’s time!
MURRUE: Right, go!
(Kira dashes down the hall, as Murrue catches sight of two more assassins entering through another door in the opposite hallway. She starts shooting at them and soon there is a fire-fight. Back in Andy’s room, the assassin staggers back in pain and brandishes a knife.)
ASSASSIN: (Snarls) You’ll pay for that, Hugh Jackman! This is for “Van Helsing”!
(The assassin lunges at the seemingly-unarmed Andy. Andy raises his fake arm, which transforms into a gun and fires a glowing white ball of energy into the assassin. The assassin is struck by the blast and immediately “pops” into a spiral of pixilated spheres that cascade outward in a spiral. A power capsule appears right where the assassin vanished and Andy picks it up. A cute musical riff plays. ANDY GOT “ASSASSIN SHOT”.)
ANDY: Better go get to the others…
(Andy dashes out of the room. Meanwhile, Murrue has killed her first two opponents and meets with Kira again, who now has Melchior, the orphans, Lacus, and his mother in tow.)
MELCHIOR: What is going on?
MURRUE: People trying to kill us, we have to get to the bunker! No time to explain!
KIRA: Where’s Andy?
(A nearby wall suddenly breaks open and Andy bursts through it. He brushes some plaster chips off his shirt.)
ANDY: (Casually) Yo.
MURRUE: (Annoyed) We have doors for a reason, you know.
(Some assassins appear at the end of the hallway, but Andy and Murrue quickly gun them down. They then quickly lead the others through a secret passage way, down into the basement of the house, as the remaining assassins regroup outside.)
ASSASSIN # 1: Okay; I’m not gonna lie. That didn’t go so well. So we go to “Plan B”, designated “Screw Stealth”.
(The assassins all turn to run for the ocean as we cut back inside, where Andy and Murrue have led the others into a secret shielded bunker underneath the main house. Suddenly, the whole foundation begins to shake and everyone is nearly tossed to the ground. We cut back outside, where we see ZAFT-manufactured amphibious ASH mobile suits emerging from the ocean, with the assassins piloting them. They immediately begin opening fire on the house. Cut back into the bunker, where the war orphans desperately cling to Lacus, terrified.)
ORPHAN: (Looks up at Lacus) Are…are we gonna die?
LACUS: (Comfortingly) Of course not, sweetie.
(Lacus quickly looks to Murrue and talks aside with her.)
LACUS: (Quietly) Do we have enough suicide pills for us AND the children?
MELCHIOR: (To Andy) What is going on?
ANDY: Quiet; I’m trying to think…
(Suddenly, unseen by anyone, a gun barrel pokes through a ventilation grate near the ceiling. The gun barrel slowly travels over everyone until it rests on Lacus. Fingers tense up on the trigger to fire. Suddenly, Pink-Chan jumps up in front of Lacus.)
PINK-CHAN: (Cutely) Look out! Look out!
(Lacus follows Pink-Chan’s line of sight to see the gun aimed right at her.)
LACUS: (Concerned) Oh m-
(The assassin fires, the bullet flies towards Lacus. Suddenly, Kira comes out of nowhere and shoves Lacus roughly to the ground. The bullet misses her and hits the wall. Murrue and Andy immediately whirl around and unload their pistols into the ventilation grate.)
ASSASSIN: (From outside) AGH!!!
(Murrue and Andy stop firing. Murrue turns to Lacus, who is slowly getting off the ground. Lacus looks lovingly at Kira.)
LACUS: (Gushy) Oh, Kira! You saved me from the sniper!
KIRA: (Puts his hand on his head and rolls his eyes) Yeah…but only because the kids don’t need to see any more violence…
(Murrue turns back and cautiously walks underneath the ventilation grate.)
MURRUE: (Calls up into it) Are you dead yet?
ASSASSIN: (From the grate) Uh…yeah…
MURRUE: (Narrows eyes) Be honest, now.
ASSASSIN: (Sighs) Ohhhh-kay. I’m still alive.
(Murrue raises her gun and fires into the grate again. A cry of pain sounds from outside.)
ASSASSIN: (Dying) That one did it.
(We hear a body crumple to the ground outside of the grate and blood begins to drip through it. The orphans quietly watch the blood drip to the floor.)
ORPHAN # 2: (Slowly grins) Heh. Neat.
(Andy and Murrue quickly usher the others through ANOTHER door to an even DEEPER and even SECRET-ER bunker.)
MELCHIOR: (To Kira’s mom) What is going on?
KIRA’S MOM: (Still drunk somehow) Somethin’…a’unno…
(The whole room shakes again. Murrue puts her hand on the wall to steady herself, then looks to Kira.)
MURRUE: Kira-kun…I think we have to consider using…“it”.
KIRA: (Downcast) But…
ANDY: She’s right, Kira. Unless you’d rather just lay down and die.
KIRA: Well, it’s just that…if I use “it”, we’ll have to go into hiding on the Archangel…
ANDY: (Grins) So? Don’t you wanna go on another wacky adventure?
(Kira turns and glares at Andy.)
KIRA: I cannot stress ENOUGH how much I do NOT want to go on “another wacky adventure”. The last wacky adventure I went on got me blown up twice and my girlfriend killed. Oh, and I found out my parents weren’t my real parents and I was a little attracted to my sister. (Pauses) Yeah…that was a pretty crappy year.
MELCHIOR: Use what? What are you all talking about? WHAT IS GOING ON??
(Ignoring the Reverend, Kira takes a deep breath as Lacus and the kids watch him worryingly. Finally, he turns to Andy.)
KIRA: Fine then. Let’s do it. Better than dying. Marginally at least…
(Kira and Andy walk up to a large door at the rear of the room, and simultaneously key in a sequence on parallel keypads. The door slides open, revealing a mini-hangar where the FREEDOM GUNDAM rests, fully-repaired since the end of the last war. Everyone walks in and looks up at it in awe.)
MELCHIOR: (Dramatically) Metal…Gear…
ANDY: (Looks over at Melchior with a dubious glance) What? You can’t see what it is…
MELCHIOR: (Looks back at Andy with a frown) Well maybe if you jerkholes actually TOLD me what was happening around me instead of just leaving the blind man to fend for HIMSELF, I wouldn’t have to guess all the time!!
(But Andy’s already ignoring Melchior as Kira strides with purpose towards Freedom as we cut to outside, where the assassins’ ASH units are inspecting the rubble of the house. Cut to the lead ASH unit’s cockpit.)
ASSASSIN # 1: Okay, no way they survived all this, unless of course they were main characters. We’ll-
(Suddenly, a beam rifle shot erupts from the side of the cliff that the house is built into. The ASH units all turn to watch as Freedom bursts from the rubble and flies up to hover above them all.)
ASSASSIN # 2: It can’t be! That’s the Freedom!
ASSASSIN # 1: (Comically) WHAAAAA-AAAAA-T?
KIRA: (Sternly) Countdown to ass-stompage commencing…5...4...
(But the promised ass-stompage never comes, as we fade out of flashback land and fade back into the present. In the elevator, Shinn shakes his head in slight confusion.)
SHINN: (Thinking) Wait a second, why was I remembering that?? (Looks over at Kira) He-he even steals my flashbacks from me! Goddammit!!!
(Shinn glares at the oblivious Kira as the Ultimate Coordinator listens to Athrun talk.)
ATHRUN: …So anyway, I saved his girl’s life and then proceeded to make him look like an utter tool right in front of her. I’m a good friend like that.
KIRA: (Impressed) I see.
MEYRIN: Hey- I think we’ve finally arrived at the top!
LUNA: Well, about damn time!
(Kira walks up in front of the group as the door to the elevator opens and reveals the meeting room.)
KIRA: Well, time to-
(Kira freezes as he sees Lacus standing there waiting for him in the center of the room. She’s flanked by Yzak, Dearka, Shiho, Arthur, and a bunch of other ZAFT officials.)
LACUS: (Smiles) Hello, my love.
KIRA: (Freaks out) It’s a trap!
(Kira immediately reaches into his pocket and produces a “disco-blaster”. He fires crudely-animated laser bolts from it at Lacus, but she holds her hand out and effortlessly deflects the blasts. She then motions and the gun is wrenched from Kira’s hand by some invisible force and flies back to Lacus.)
LACUS: (Sinisterly) We would be honored if you would join us…
KIRA: (Panicked) No chance!
(Kira turns to jump back into the elevator, but suddenly Hilda blocks his path.)
LACUS: (Smirks) Restrain him.
HILDA: Yes, Lacus-sama. Boys?
OTHER DOM PILOT: Yeah!
OTHER OTHER DOM PILOT: I concur!
(The two other DOM pilots each grab Kira by an arm and begin dragging him towards Lacus. Kira kicks and screams the entire way. Once he‘s next to her, Lacus leans close to him.)
LACUS: (Smiles sweetly) There’s no escaping me, dear. Now I’m going to “improve” you so you’ll never leave me again!
KIRA: (Turns back) Agh! Athrun! Do something!
LACUS: (Looks to Athrun, narrows her eyes) Yes, Athrun…do something.
(Athrun looks at Kira, then at Lacus, then back to Kira.)
ATHRUN: (Holds his hands up) Hey, whatever. I think you two need some time alone anyway.
(Lacus smiles and Kira looks to Athrun in disbelief.)
KIRA: (Screams) You sold me out, Zala! You sold me out!
ATHRUN: (Waves and laughs) Take care, buddy!
(Lacus regards Luna, Shinn, and Meyrin, who are watching the spectacle unfold with some confusion.)
LACUS: (Flatly) You guys can go. I have what I came for.
(Lacus and her entourage depart, with the two DOM troopers dragging an unwilling, screaming Kira behind them. Athrun, Luna, Meyrin, and Shinn just turn around and get back into the elevator and begin the slow journey down.)
LUNA: Ummm…quick question? How come Lacus continues to pursue a relationship with Kira if he clearly wants nothing to do with her?
ATHRUN: (Shrugs) Same reason there’s a hot springs on the Archangel…
MEYRIN: (Stretches and yawns) Oh well, I guess I’ll turn in when I get back home. All this elevator riding has made me tired.
ATHRUN: (Nods) Yeah, we all deserve a rest after that trying, trying series…I mean, war.
(Luna looks over at Shinn, who is wearing a slight smirk on his face.)
LUNA: Shinn? You look happy. Are you okay?
SHINN: (Turns to Luna) Eh, I was just thinking that sometimes even when things seem bad…the universe has a way of balancing it out.
LUNA: (Tilts her head in surprise) That’s unusually deep for you, Shinn. I think you especially need some rest.
SHINN: Yeah. (Wide grin) Besides, we all need to be in top form for when Gundam 00 fails and everyone comes crawling back to Cosmic Era.
ATHRUN: (Smiles) You’re making sense again, Shinn!
SHINN: (Smiles back) Don’t get used to it!
(Athrun offers Shinn his hand and they high-five. All is right in the world as we fade out.)
THE END
Last edited by Thundermuffin on Mon Jul 19, 2010 11:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Nice. PROTIP: If they can still talk, they aint dead yet.(Murrue turns back and cautiously walks underneath the ventilation grate.)
MURRUE: (Calls up into it) Are you dead yet?
ASSASSIN: (From the grate) Uh…yeah…
MURRUE: (Narrows eyes) Be honest, now.
ASSASSIN: (Sighs) Ohhhh-kay. I’m still alive.
(Murrue raises her gun and fires into the grate again. A cry of pain sounds from outside.)
ASSASSIN: (Dying) That one did it.
(We hear a body crumple to the ground outside of the grate and blood begins to drip through it. The orphans quietly watch the blood drip to the floor.)
ORPHAN # 2: (Slowly grins) Heh. Neat.
The last scene also shows what happened that led to Kira being in his whacked state that we saw him in during the reunion special.
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Destroy Gundam
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Once again, you come through with a side-splittingly funny episode.
You'd think Kira would learn after a while to never trust anyone with blue hair...especially Athrun.Thundermuffin wrote:KIRA: (Screams) You sold me out, Zala! You sold me out!
ATHRUN: (Waves and laughs) Take care, buddy!
I'm not so sure on that. Windams move at a slightly faster speed than "plodding"...Thundermuffin wrote:REY: He’ll be fine. They’re only Windams after all. They make Leos look like the Strike Freedom.
REGENE: (Grins) Any last words, Buuuuur-ing?
(Bring just grits his teeth and the Garazzo’s escape pod breaks off from its main body, flying straight up.)
REGENE: (Shakes head) Right then. Forgot we don’t talk on Planet You.
(Bring just grits his teeth and the Garazzo’s escape pod breaks off from its main body, flying straight up.)
REGENE: (Shakes head) Right then. Forgot we don’t talk on Planet You.
Oh my, the references to other works are increasing in frequency! I loved the Darth Lacus Bespin-style sequence, and Mega Man Andy (that was a Mega Man reference, right?) and "Metal... Gear?" were funny as well.
The Orb folks were fun, especially Yuna. For a guy who was as annoying as he was in the actual series, it's surprising how much humor you can derive from him in satire.
This episode didn't exactly hold together quite as well as most of the others, choosing to bounce around all over the landscape to some extent, but the "He even steals my flashbacks!" line sorta made up for that.
All in all, it's another great entry in the series. Well done!
The Orb folks were fun, especially Yuna. For a guy who was as annoying as he was in the actual series, it's surprising how much humor you can derive from him in satire.
This episode didn't exactly hold together quite as well as most of the others, choosing to bounce around all over the landscape to some extent, but the "He even steals my flashbacks!" line sorta made up for that.
All in all, it's another great entry in the series. Well done!
Don't call it a comeback...
...in fact, it's best if you forget I was ever here before.
...in fact, it's best if you forget I was ever here before.
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Thundermuffin
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I'm glad someone noticed that as well, cause I sure did once I read the completed work of this installment. I especially need to cut down on the video game references, I go absolutely nuts with those cuz most situations lend themselves well to those jokes.Ascension wrote:Oh my, the references to other works are increasing in frequency! I loved the Darth Lacus Bespin-style sequence, and Mega Man Andy (that was a Mega Man reference, right?) and "Metal... Gear?" were funny as well.
Basically, I wanted to bleed the rest of my ideas out with this installment, and usually the pop culture references are "buffer" material between my own gags and poking fun at the actual series. But the buffer material is increasing, which tells me I should be done with Destiny for the time being.
Also, it's a bit harder to make light of the more tightly-written episodes of the shows. The first six installments were extremely easy because of generally poor production on all ends for the episodes that they were based on.
In any case, this is officially my last installment focused on Destiny and my last installment in general, at least for awhile.
Stargazer is next on my list, but it probably won't be for awhile. And somewhere down the line, I'll probably do an installment for the Seed movie.
This installment wasnt too bad. It was funny, but it wasnt quite the same as the previous ones.
Still, I'm looking forward to your next installments, whenever they come. Keep up the good work.
Still, I'm looking forward to your next installments, whenever they come. Keep up the good work.
ShadowCell wrote:"Poor fool, ShadowCell!" you say. "You can't win against fandom stupidity with the Power of the Mod!"
this is a nice line, a country so neutral even the weathers are neutral.RADIO VOICE: The weather in Orb today is absolutely inoffensive. Not too hot, not too cold. Looks like it gonna be another perfectly neutral day!
an inventive way to spell out retreat....TALIA: This might call for a strategic go-backwards really fast.
yeah, i never tought of this. why no anti-ms warshipBRIDGE OFFICER # 1: AGH! Deploy the anti-giant-robot-with-beam-swords countermeasures!
BRIDGE OFFICER # 2: There aren’t any! In a world where giant robots are the primary means of combat, these ships are only designed to fight other sea-faring vessels!
SD Gundam Capsule Fighter Online SEA IGN: 8bitNPC
quasadra said:
All in all, it was a funny story again, especially since you linked up consistency with your other stories (as has been noted). I think you are right thinking of giving Destiny a rest and trying out Stargazer. You can make only so much gold out of so much dirt, after all.
I think this has been bemoaned on this forum clearly enough that I was glad I saw Thundermuffin commenting on it. And Shinn is still one of my favorite retards of anime.yeah, i never tought of this. why no anti-ms warship
All in all, it was a funny story again, especially since you linked up consistency with your other stories (as has been noted). I think you are right thinking of giving Destiny a rest and trying out Stargazer. You can make only so much gold out of so much dirt, after all.
-We will not be caught by surprise!
*Almost everyone I've killed uttered similar last words.
-Then I am glad once again that you are on my side.
*They've often said that too.
*Almost everyone I've killed uttered similar last words.
-Then I am glad once again that you are on my side.
*They've often said that too.
I would have thought Kira would've liked that, it just reflects him. Someone could use this as their username.PIZZA DELIVERY GUY: (Looks at the pizza box) Uh, delivery for…â€Jesus Yamatoâ€?
lol, you should have made Kira repeatedly throw dirt at Shinn when he said that. That's what the definition here would suggest.KIRA: (Panicked) AH! Full-burst!!!
A fairly well written ep, considering you are following very closely to the actual Destiny eps. Its also nice to see Shinn end on the higer note too.
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Thundermuffin
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Yeah, I don't want it to seem I'm being overly-negative about my own work, but this installment underwent more cuts and rewrites then any of the others, which definitely tells me I should look elsewhere for more source material.
You have no idea what I deleted from from this one, just cause I didn't think it worked in the grand scheme. Melchior had a whole subplot to himself...but it would have made this installment even more fragmented than it already was.
Probably because I used several episodes to draw from in this installment, rather than just singular ones for the other two flashbacks. I simply didn't have enough material to draw from just the Minerva's battle in Orb's waters episode or the assassins' attempt on Lacus.
You have no idea what I deleted from from this one, just cause I didn't think it worked in the grand scheme. Melchior had a whole subplot to himself...but it would have made this installment even more fragmented than it already was.
Probably because I used several episodes to draw from in this installment, rather than just singular ones for the other two flashbacks. I simply didn't have enough material to draw from just the Minerva's battle in Orb's waters episode or the assassins' attempt on Lacus.
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Draco Starcloud
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I think Shinn ended this latest installment on a high-note: totally uninjured and Kira being drug off by Lacus goons.
Draco's Lair - Latest Update: 1/9/10Chris wrote:IMMA CHARGIN MAH MAHQ @_@