The companion piece to my other post - The Mekton Zeta's ML's guide to the use of mecha in your career as a galactic despot:
The Evil Overlord Mekton Addendum
1. I will never send ONE Robo-Beast or TerrorMech. I will send whole bunches of them!
2. All Elite Prototype TerrorMechs which are undergoing flight test will be kept under guard 24 hours a day, protected with a code-lock, and never go anywhere except under heavy escort.
3. If any of my TerrorMech pilots shows signs of letting an archaic sense of honor interfere with the performance of his duties, I will arrange for him to die in gloriously in combat and use the occasion of his funeral to inspire his fellow pilots to greater deeds.
4. High security testing bases will require the most elaborate security checks possible, and all incoming vehicles must be examined and driven-in by base personnel.
5. No Tactical Nuclear Mecha will never be issued live ammo without a trustworthy pilot inside.
6. No matter how trustworthy the pilot, all prototype or doomsday mecha will respond to a global-range "OFF" swirct worn on the commanding officer's belt.
7. Piloted mecha are one-man armies, thus pilots will be kept on a strictly need-to-know bases so they'll remain under control.
8. Regardless of their strategic priority, prisoners will never be interrogated on the flagship, or any command ship, but rather on a prison or hospital transport.
9. I will never use the same mecha construction corporation as my enemy.
10. I will keep in mind that dropping asteroids or colonies makes for bad press.
11. I will not create a TerrorMech in the shape of a giant egg, no matter how much it may bristle with threatening-looking weaponry. It just never works out.
12. ALL of my TerrorMechs will have FULLY ARTICULATED arms and hands.
13. My TerrorMechs will also include a wide arsenal of built-in armaments to prevent a simple kick or lucky shot from completely stripping it of offensive power.
14. My TerrorMech pilots will be just as well-trained as their foot-soldier counterparts. Any pilot who cannot hit a mecha-sized target within combat range will be used as target practice.
15. My TerrorMechs will include such important devices as inertial target tracking and a non-volatile powerplant.
16. My TerrorMechs will NOT include such devices as a torso-mounted multiple-shot missile launcher.
17. My TerrorMechs will always operate in pairs, as though they were infantrymen or fighter pilots, and NOT go out solo.
18. I will not waste batches of only 20 missles on the hero - it's a well-known fact he can easily dodge no less than 2000 at one time.
19. I will always tell my mecha pilots to run just BEFORE the hero draws his Blazing Sword or wields his Infinity Beam Gun.
20. I will never let the Mad Scientist creating the Ultimate TerrorMech volunteer to create a clone of himself to be the perfect pilot for said mecha. The brat will either grow up hating his father and defect with the thing, or be an even bigger sociopath than Dad and come after me. Neither is a desirable result.
21. I will not try to manufacture NewTypes. Too short a warranty, and too damn tempermental.
22. If the maintenance tech tells me that the TerrorMech I am boarding is low on fuel or ammo or is malfunctioning, I will believe him and choose another 'mech before rushing into battle. That's why I have maintenance techs, to take care of that sort of thing.
23. All Ancient Temples will be nuked from orbit, since that's where Heroic Rebels tend to congregate or hide their HeroMecha. Likewise deep ocean rifts and untrammeled wilderness will also receive attention from the orbital bombardment planners.
24. Using the brain of the Hero's Mentor to control my Ultimate Weapon is a bad idea, and whoever suggests such an inane plan will be fed to blood-thirsty stobor, feet first.
25. I will stress the teaching of basic tactics to all officers. Things like subtracted reserves, flanking and enveloping attacks, flank guards, etc. There should always be options other than head-on frontal assualts.
26. I will only hire ugly, socially unskilled, and really mean people as my commanders. That way, the chances of one of my men realizing that my opposition has a point, and therefore must take his charismatic, honorable, and damn-what-a-good-dancer self to their side is greatly reduced.
27. I will not put emergency destruct devices in my mecha. I will put them in my pilots. Nothing motivates like thermite.
28. I will allocate my Mecha randomly to my pilots. The Heroes will never be able to figure that one out!
29. All maintainence hatches on my Terror Mecha will have locks.
30. I will never employ a mecha designer who has a small child, no matter how brilliant he may be. His conscience will inevitably prompt him to give his masterwork to the child in order to defeat me.
31. All my Terror Mecha pilots will be instructed to immediately abort the mission and withdraw whenever a group of the opposing mecha successfully combine into one large one. At that point, the mission may safely be considered doomed.
32. My Faceless Legions of Terror will be instructed never to use the phrase "it's only a kid" as a justification for not firing on an enemy mek.
33. I will never accept a challenge to a one-on-one duel with the hero, nor will I allow my Terror Mecha pilots to do so.
34. I will never disregard an attacking mecha on the basis that "it couldn't possibly succeed."
35. No matter how delicious the irony, brainwashing one of the heroes and making him fight his friends in my new prototype mecha is a stupid idea.
36. My legions of robotic terror-droids will have enough programming to continue with their mission in the event that my command transmitter is jammed or destroyed. In no instance are they to become completely inert or fall apart immediately upon losing contact.
37. Regarding the previous entry, two words: BACKUP TRANSMITTERS.
38. All of my Massive Space Battle Fortresses will have huge blast doors and antiaircraft weaponry in the hangar bays, to prevent small enemy fighters from flying into them.
39. The main reactor in my Massive Space Battle Fortress will be placed in a well armored location, away from the exact center of the Fortress, and accessed by doors too small for starfighters, mecha, or large power armors.
40. When choosing targets in combat, my Faceless Legions of Terror will be instructed to consider any enemy pilot under the age of 18 to be a priority threat, and target him or her first.
41. On the face of defeat, I'll remember that woving to return seems to grant almost-indestructibility to Evil Overlords.
42. I shall never buid, or allow to be built, a TerrorMech with a weapon that would overload and explode after 15 shots, but with a 20-rounds mag.
43. Regarding the above, I shall keep all my design team members well away from any source of marijuana, Speed, LSD or similar substances.
44. You can not expect the masses to be properly awestruck by your world-wide announcments if your hands look dirty after building your ultimate personal power armor.
45. If I should have any offspring I will ensure that they have a healthy and happy childhood so as to reduce the chance of them turning on me
46. While there's nothing wrong with having evil, ruthless, and/or ambitious children I will remember that I too have these traits used them to became an evil overlord and plan accordingly.
47. If my TerrorMek prototype requires some special quality to use, such as genetic mutation caused by a cataclysm in the Antarctic, psionic abilities found in angsty teens, or the ability to *think* in a certain language, I will assume that my enemies have at least one person with both those qualities and infiltration skills, and will guard the prototype accordingly.
48. I will personally instruct the troops guarding the TerrorMek, to shoot on sight, anyone claiming to be "Just taking it out to be washed"
49. I will NEVER, EVER ask the question "What can one [mecha/inexperienced pilot/ship full of green cadets] do?"
50. I want to see the faces of my pilots - NO MASKS. Any pilot who insists on wearing a mask will have it attatched to his face the HARD way.
Contributed to by: The Mekton Zeta Mailing List
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