A Typical Episode of Gundam Seed Destiny

[Poochi]

This was well worth the wait!

Hehe I found the chess game with the Freedom figure strangely hilarious. Also:

NEO/MU: (Wooden) My name…is NEO.

NEO/MU: Ugh, a disturbance in the Force! (Looks up) A being with godlike power approaches…

lol

[Thundermuffin]

YUNA: (Whining) These handcuffs chafe my wrists!

RANDOM ORB SOLDIER # 1: You talking chafes my ears, so QUIET!

.

Was that inspired by Pinky & the Brain?

Nope. Just wrote that on the spur of the moment. Many of my best lines happen that way.

Ohh, a Bullwinkle Show nod.

Yeah, I had a lot of different funny titles for these chapters, and I figured I could use more than one in this way.

All of the Wing references are so good, though you should have made the pilot named Otto...

I considered it, but decided that'd be too blatant. I figured people would get the reference and if they didn't, Neo's similarity to Zechs is still apparent.

I don't know how you come up with this stuff, Thundermuffin. Another side-splittiingly hilarious installment!

Thanks. Destiny's already mostly-comical plot made it extremely easy. And a steady diet of the Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama, and any number of funny shows. But like I said, some of my best stuff just springs out organically while I'm writing.

Oh and a general thanks all around for the praise. I intended this to be a one-shot, but the great reaction to the first part and the general abundance of stuff to make fun of in Destiny made me decide to make this a series. Like I mentioned, two more chapters to go. Then I'm throwing around the possibility of doing a special "prequel" chapter that covers the beginning of Destiny. I'll see how much material I have left after the sixth chapter.

[RGM-79G GM Command]

Another great job Thundermuffin, this keeps getting better and better.

[Cardi Doorl]

Finally read it. Still very good, still keeps me laughing, though I think the chapter right before it is still the best so far.

Also, I thought, as I read the line with the kamikaze soldier referring to Mu as "Zechs", "Damn, he's going a little heavy on allusions to Wing. Hell, it's starting to get annoying". Then right after that we have this line:

NEO/MU: Okay, that’s enough Wing references for this chapter.

Quit pre-reading my mind!

[Thundermuffin]

Finally read it. Still very good, still keeps me laughing, though I think the chapter right before it is still the best so far.

Also, I thought, as I read the line with the kamikaze soldier referring to Mu as "Zechs", "Damn, he's going a little heavy on allusions to Wing. Hell, it's starting to get annoying". Then right after that we have this line:

NEO/MU: Okay, that’s enough Wing references for this chapter.

Quit pre-reading my mind!

Yeah, there were several nods to Wing I wanted to get in there, but they were all too close together and the opportunity to use them probably wasn't going to present itself again, so I just poked fun at the fact that I went overboard.

[Destroy Gundam]

Out of curiosity, what were those nods to Wing that you didn't use?

[Thundermuffin]

There was going to be a line about how the Murasame Corps are a rip-off of the Maganac Corps, but I decided to cut it because of the abundance of Wing gags in that short amount of time. The only hint of it that remains is my description of Cagalli wearing goggles. Also, the "lightning baron" gag was a bit more elaborate, and as I mentioned, I considered calling that one Murasame pilot Otto. Again, I just simplified it.

I kept most of the Wing gags in, though, and just covered my bases by drawing attention to the fact that there might have been one too many of them.

Probably a symptom of the fact that Wing was the first Gundam I saw in its entirety.

[Antares]

This thread has been pure win all over. Please, please write more. I'd say your grasp on sarcastic parody is superb, I wish I could write as well as that...

[Blue Comet]

Man I can't believe i just started reading this yesterday. They need to dub this stuff over DESTINY footage just to make it that much more funny. I can't stop laughing even now as i'm typing this. Kira and Lacus scenes are the best IMO!

KIRA: (Terrified) AGH!!! Get it off! GET IT OFF!!!

LACUS: (Giggles) Oh, Kira, you tease, it’s me!

KIRA: (Even more terrified) GET IT OFF!!! AIIIIEEEEEEE!!!

Greatest Fanfic EVER!!!

[Thundermuffin]

Thanks. I live for approval.

Just a little update; the next chapter will arrive anywhere from two weeks to a month, just because I'm swarmed with schoolwork and the general chaos of life.

I'm pretty pleased with it so far, I tried to use some characters that haven't been seen yet or are already dead. Mayu just writes herself...

[solid snake]

This is hilarious! Even though I've never seen a single episode of Destiny, this is a riot no matter what. Keep up the good work. All hail Thundermuffin!

[Thundermuffin]

Okay, I managed to get a great deal written yesterday since I've had the flu and had to stay in. Expect the next chapter in day or two, if not later today.

[Destroy Gundam]

Take your time. This is worth waiting for.

[Destroy Gundam]

Double Post. Delete this.

[Thundermuffin]

The Typical Gundam Seed Destiny Episode # 5

“Bang. Zoom. Giant Death Ray in the Moon”

Or

“Two Many Lacuses”

(We open up in a weird, bluish, starry void of limbo-ish space where most Gundam characters go when they die. The ghost of Stellar appears. She stretches and yawns.)

STELLAR: Hugggghhh. Whelp, just another normal day bein’ a ghost.

(Stellar floats there wordlessly for a minute.)

STELLAR: (Sighs) Fuck. You wouldn’t believe how fast this gets old.

(The ghost of Mayu Asuka appears.)

MAYU: Oh, hello. I didn’t realize this quadrant of limbo was occupied. I’ll leave.

STELLAR: It’s a free limbo. You can go wherever you want. There’s some more limbo over there. And behind us is limbo. And above us. And below us, I can’t be sure, but I think there’s more limbo.

MAYU: (Sighs) I know. I was just hoping something might have changed since last I checked.

(The ghosts of Sting and Auel appear.)

AUEL: What’s cooking, girls?

STELLAR: Nothing. It’s ALWAYS nothing. Why do you INSIST on asking that every time??

AUEL: Well at least I have a positive attitude! You gotta take what you can get up here.

STING: Yeah, death totally sucks. Really.

(Fllay Allister’s ghost appears.)

FLLAY: Hi, everyone. How’s it going?

(Auel and Sting immediately run over to Fllay.)

STING: (Smitten) Oh, not too bad, Fllay. Not too bad.

(Auel pushes Sting aside.)

AUEL: (Smitten) Yes, we’re good. How are you this fine…day…or night…or whatever?

FLLAY: (Giggles) I’m okay.

(Sting pushes Auel aside.)

STING: Well, that’s good.

AUEL: (Trying to get around Sting) Yes, very good.

(Off to the side, Stellar looks annoyed.)

STELLAR: I don’t get what they see in her.

MAYU: Guys just like the pretty, manipulative type who puts out when she wants them to kill things.

STELLAR: You’re like, eight. What do you know?

MAYU: Hey, well, at least I’m not all “Oooooh, protect Stellar!” and “Ahhhhh, Shinn will protect Stellar!” and so forth and etcetera ad nauseam.

STELLAR: Well, at least I’M not willing to get my whole family killed on account of a cell phone.

MAYU: (Snaps) It wasn’t any ordinary cell phone!

(A shadow falls over Mayu’s face.)

MAYU: (Distantly, eerily) It talked to me. It told me I was the hand of the Lord and I would bathe in the blood of the innocent. The end-time was coming and there could be only one!

(Stellar gives Mayu a look.)

STELLAR: Oh…kay.

(Suddenly, three more ghostly figures appear in the area- Orga, Shani, and Clotho. Stellar, Auel, and Sting’s attention is immediately drawn to them.)

STING: Hey! It’s-

ORGA: YOU GUYS!!!

STELLAR: (Sighs) Oh crud, here we go again.

STING: (Growls) Our arch-rivals; the Druggies!!!

ORGA: Well, well. We meet again, Extended!!!

STING: (Angry) This time, it’ll be the last time!!!

ORGA: Oh, we’ll see about that.

(Stellar walks up behind Sting and Auel.)

STELLAR: I explain to you every time that we all are actually on the same side.

STING: That’s not the point, Stellar! We’ve got to prove that WE are the superior EAF trio!!!

STELLAR: (Frustrated) But that point is pointless!

ORGA: Yeah, it is pointless, chicky-pie. You know we’ll beat you this time. Right, guys?

(Orga turns to the other two; Shani is just listening to music, Clotho is playing a handheld video game. Shani pulls one of his earphones out.)

SHANI: Huh? Oh yeah. Whatever. Go Team Druggie.

CLOTHO: (Eyes still on his game) I’ll empty the dishwasher later, Mom.

(Sting and Orga walk up to each other, standing a few feet away and having a menacing stare contest. Auel quickly runs in between them.)

AUEL: Whoa, whoa, guys! Stellar’s right- we shouldn’t be fighting!

(Sting and Orga seem to relax a bit.)

AUEL: Now let’s all calm down and we’ll…

(Suddenly Auel turns and kicks Orga in the groin.)

AUEL: SUCKER!!!

ORGA: (Grabs his crotch and hobbles back) URK! (Weakly) Get em’!!!

CLOTHO: (Tossing his video game aside) Aheheheheeeheheehah!!! WARGASM!!!

STING: IT’S ON!!!

(Sting, Auel, Clotho, and Shani all leap at each other. As they land, it forms a large cartoon-ish cloud of dust where we can’t see what’s going on. Still holding his groin, Orga hobbles over to the dust cloud and throws himself in. Stellar stands just outside of the fight-cloud.)

STELLAR: (Sighs) Oh well. I guess it’s something to do. (Screams) STELLAR SMASH!!!

(Stellar pulls her large knife seemingly out of nowhere, bites down on it to hold it in her mouth and dives into the fight-cloud. We can only hear sounds of fighting emanating from the cloud. Mayu walks over to Fllay, who watches the cloud in confusion.)

MAYU: (Sighs) It always comes to this.

FLLAY: But, if they just put their differences aside and worked together, we could have gotten rid of all the Coordinators by now.

MAYU: HEY! I’m a Coordinator!

FLLAY: (Flips out) WHAT??? I’LL KILL YOU, SPACE-MONSTER!!!

(Fllay tackles Mayu, throwing them both into the fight-cloud as well. The fight rages for a few more seconds. Suddenly, Heine Westenfluss’s ghost appears.)

HEINE: Hey, guys. What’s up?

(The fight immediately ceases and the cloud clears, revealing everyone tangled-up; Auel’s biting Orga’s arm, Shani is using his earphones’ cord to strangle Sting, Stellar’s got Clotho in a hold with her knife to his throat, and Mayu is kneeling on Fllay’s back, twisting Fllay’s forearm behind her body. Everyone looks with rapt attention at Heine, frozen in what they were doing.)

HEINE: (Nervous) What’s wro-

AUEL: (Interrupts with a shout) GET HIM!!!

(Everyone immediately springs up and rushes Heine. He barely gets off a startled yelp before everyone else tackles and pig-piles him.)

ORGA: Clamp his mouth! Clamp his mouth before he talks again!

STELLAR: (Slaps her hand over Heine’s face) Got it!!!

FLLAY: (Confused) Wait, why are we doing this?

CLOTHO: You idiot! Every time Heine talks, it costs the producers a fortune!!!

STING: We all take a 40 % pay cut even when he says just one complete sentence!!!

FLLAY: Oh, screw that!!! I haven’t had to haunt Kira in awhile; I get a small enough paycheck as it is!

SHANI: Tell me about it. Unmanned ZAKUs get more money than I do.

HEINE: (Managing to push Stellar’s hand off) This is no ZAKU! NO ZAKU!!!

FLLAY: (Screams) SHUT UP!

(Everyone continues trying to stifle Heine as he struggles under the pig-pile. The ghost of Rau Le Creuset appears to watch the spectacle.)

RAU: Well, well. Even in death, humans cannot get along with each other. Yet another reason my plan to kill everyone was totally justified.

(Rau’s watch beeps; he looks at it.)

RAU: Whoops, I’ve got a scheduled haunting of Gilbert in ten minutes. Ahhhhh, afterlife is good.

(Rau disappears and we fade out of limbo. Cut to the hangar in Orb where the Archangel currently rests. Cagalli stands in front of the Archangel’s crew, who are standing in rows before her. Cagalli is about to address them before they depart.)

CAGALLI: Well, everyone, we’ve reached the point in any Gundam series where we go back to space for some reason. But I cannot go with you this time; there is much to do here in Orb.

KIRA: Like what?

CAGALLI: Oh…you know…stuff.

ATHRUN: What stuff? I can’t think of any stuff.

CAGALLI: (Sharply) Very important things.

KIRA: So now it’s “things”?

ATHRUN: What happened to “stuff”?

CAGALLI: Just drop it.

KIRA: Drop what?

CAGALLI: (Yells) The questions about the stuff and the things I have to do!

ATHRUN: Oh, so stuff AND things now?

KIRA: (Suspicious) This doesn’t hang together so well, Cagalli. What could you possibly have to do that would keep you from coming with us to space?

(Cagalli sighs, defeated; she knows she’s been caught.)

CAGALLI: Look, nothing, okay? I have nothing to do. I’m removing myself from this train wreck before it gets worse. Are you happy now?

(This quiets Kira and Athrun. Cagalli walks up to them and hugs them both.)

CAGALLI: Please, just be happy for me that I won’t have to see you guys embarrass yourselves anymore.

ATHRUN: Cagalli…

CAGALLI: (To Athrun) You could stay here too…Kira is righteous enough to defeat anyone that might give the Archangel trouble.

KIRA: (Nods) I AM made of starlight and awesome-sauce, after all.

ATHRUN: (Shakes his head sadly) I still haven’t made up for being an indecisive, spineless, yet still super-cool jackass for three quarters of the series thus far. I can only redeem myself by owning Shinn some more.

CAGALLI: Okay then. Have fun with that. (Looks over everyone) Good luck to you all.

NEO/MU: (Shouts from second row) Thanks for the free mobile suit! And letting us crash in your dead no-good hippie dad’s mansion!

CAGALLI: (Grumbles under her breath as she’s walking away) Moocher.

(Cagalli walks out of the hangar into a hallway, followed by Kisaka and some of her advisors. Meyrin is walking in the opposite direction to the hangar. Cagalli turns to talk to her.)

MEYRIN: Oh, hi.

CAGALLI: Look, watch out for Athrun now. As his sidekick I expect you to be willing to take ASS for him.

MEYRIN: (Startled) Wh-what?

CAGALLI: You know, anti-ship swords, like Nicol did.

MEYRIN: Oh. Okay. The way you phrased it, I just…

CAGALLI: Please, Athrun’s not interested in you THAT way.

MEYRIN: (Miffed) Why not? I’m cute! You should be worried; as far as you know, he might be all over me as soon as you’re out of sight.

CAGALLI: (Laughs) My timid little flower Athrun? Not likely.

MEYRIN: Yuh-huh. We’ve got a total love triangle thing going on here.

CAGALLI: Yeah, one that is more forced and contrived than Kou/Nina/Gato. And that’s saying something. Anyway, get going! It’s getting to be that time in the series when something catastrophic happens…

(We cut to a large space battle between ZAFT and the EAF just off the far side of the moon. The EAF mobile suits and armors are protecting a large relay station made from colony remains from the ZAFT troops. Cut to a particular trio of ZAFT suits moving in; a white GOUF Ignited, black ZAKU Phantom, and a ZAKU Warrior piloted by Yzak, Dearka, and Shiho respectively.)

YZAK: Those bastards are going to way too much trouble to defend this thing! We’re taking it out!

DEARKA: We have to get through those EAF mobile armors first, Yzak!

YZAK: (Angry) I know that! Don’t give me problems! Give me results!

SHIHO: Commander, maybe I should provide cover fire while you two-

YZAK: (Rolls his eyes) Yeah, sure, you do whatever you have to do to make you feel needed. Just back off and leave the work to the main characters, would you?

SHIHO: (Sighs) Yes, sir.

(Shiho’s ZAKU drops back as Yzak and Dearka’s units move in, flying side by side, to take out an EAF Zamza-Zah mobile armor.)

DEARKA: (Smirks) Alright, now we’re talking! Just like the old days! Fighting the significant enemies!

YZAK: Yeah! This’ll be just like when I defeated Forbidden and Raider at Jachin Due.

DEARKA: Uh, you only defeated Forbidden. I defeated Raider.

YZAK: (Angry) What? I defeated Raider! Sure I used your gun, but I fired the shot!

DEARKA: (Confused) Used my gun? What alternate reality are you tuned into, Yzak? I just shot Raider through the cockpit and it exploded, simple as that!

YZAK: (Angry) Nuh-uh! You were owned by Providence and I had to step in and save your ass using your own rifle to boot!

DEARKA: (Incredulous) That is NOT how it happened, Yzak. You are being delusional.

YZAK: (Enraged) Don’t fucking call me delusional, you dumbass!

DEARKA: Well, that’s what you’re being, Yzak.

YZAK: (Angry) I’m warning you, Dearka, don’t cross the line…

DEARKA: Oh? You mean doing something like this?

(Dearka’s ZAKU Phantom reaches over and finger-flicks the “commander-spike” on the head of Yzak’s GOUF, causing it to snap off.)

YZAK: (Furious) GODDAMMIT, DEARKA!!!

(Yzak’s GOUF Ignited reaches over and takes a swing at Dearka’s ZAKU, but Dearka manages to avoid it and flies off-course.)

DEARKA: (Laughs) Oops, no backsies!

YZAK: (Livid) RAGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! DEAAAAAARKAAAA!!!!

(Yzak’s GOUF peels off from its attack run and follows Dearka’s ZAKU, trying to catch up. A short distance away, Shiho’s ZAKU Warrior watches them fly off.)

SHIHO: Sigh.

(Shiho turns and flies towards the Zamza-Zah. It fires its beam cannons off, but Shiho deftly spirals through the shots and tosses off her beam-tomahawk. The thrown melee weapon spins and embeds in the Zamza-Zah’s side, then Shiho’s ZAKU rushes in and takes hold of it again. As she pulls the tomahawk out, she sticks a grenade in the open wound and pushes off the Zamza-Zah’s side. A few seconds later, the EAF mobile armor blows up. Shiho’s ZAKU hovers there for a second more.)

SHIHO: Just keep climbing the ladder, Shiho. Just keep climbing the ladder.

(We cut to the EAF lunar base stationed on the far side of the moon. In the main command center, Lord Djibril, AKA “Captain Nefarious”, prepares to do something really evil.)

DJIBRIL: Time for a planetary-scale spanking, Coordinators. Fire the Requiem!

RANDOM EAF OFFICER: Target?

DJIBRIL: Oh come on, you don’t aim something this sickeningly powerful. Just shoot.

RANDOM EAF OFFICER: M’kay.

(The Requiem megadeath weapon fires from a crater in the moon; the beam passes through the giant relay station, then re-directs towards the PLANTs, streaking across space and passing by the Minerva leading a fleet of ZAFT vessels. Cut to the Minerva’s bridge.)

TALIA: (Watching the enormous Requiem blast blaze by) Oh, that CAN’T be good.

(The blast strikes the PLANTs and destroys several of them in a hellish blaze of death and destruction. We cut to the Archangel, which has just cleared Earth orbit and is headed for the moon. The bridge crew watches the bright light of death strike the PLANTs.)

MURRUE: What was that???

NEUMANN: Looked like some kinda crazy ray…of death!

(Kira suddenly runs onto the bridge, his eyes wide with horror.)

KIRA: (Horrified) People’s souls! Being consumed by white light! Being evaporated! STAY AWAY FROM THE KILLING LIGHT!!!

MURRUE: (Looks at Kira) What the hell is he going on about?

MIRIALLIA: Ah, Kira’s always been on a different wavelength that the rest of us…

(Flashback. Kira, Sai, Kuzzey, Miriallia, and Tolle are all sitting at a picnic table on Heliopolis.)

SAI: Man, life here sure is sweet. Sunshine, lollypops, and rainbows and everything that’s wonderful and magical.

KUZZEY: And artificially-produced by the colony’s fake ecosystem. (Sighs) This place is so dull. And meaningless. Like me.

SAI: Ah well, life is pretty sweet for me at least! One day I’m gonna marry a pretty, manipulative girl who puts out when she wants me to kill things. And by kill things, I hope she means in video games.

KUZZEY: Yeah, I’m SOOOOO sure that relationship will work out.

TOLLE: (Angry) You’re such a killjoy, Kuzzey! I swear, I’m gonna lose my head one day!

MIRIALLIA: Oh, he didn’t mean anything by it, Tolle. Kira, what do you think?

(Kira has a faraway look on his face; he suddenly stands and screams at the sky.)

KIRA: (Panicked) Arbilus, look- it’s Unicron!!!

(Everyone else gives Kira a puzzled look.)

TOLLE: Uh…Kira?

(Kira abruptly turns and runs away from the table.)

KIRA: (Screaming) The ships! Get to the ships! It’s our only chanceeeeeee!!!

(End flashback. We’re back on the Archangel’s bridge. Kira is still stood in shock, looking at the white light of the Requiem’s blast and then abruptly, he turns and wordlessly walks off the bridge. Murrue shakes her head.)

MURRUE: Huggghhhh, friggin’ Coordinators and their issues. Lacus even has us flying everywhere to meddle with stuff just to satisfy her twisted need to tell everyone how to think.

NEUMANN: Yeah. Sometimes I wish this stupid ship would just crash and kill everyone aboard in a hellstorm of irony and shattered, flaming chunks of fanwank.

(Everyone on the bridge looks at Neumann. He notices and slowly looks back at them from the pilot seat.)

NEUMANN: I-I mean, no I don’t.

(We cut to the Minerva, which is on its way to attack the EAF moon base which houses the Requiem. In the briefing room, Talia and Arthur outline the attack plan to Shinn, Rey, and Lunamaria.)

TALIA: Basically, our plan is have Shinn berserk his way through their cardboard-like mobile units. Rey, you’ll watch. Or help if you want- it really doesn’t make that much difference.

ARTHUR: And while they are focused on that direct attack, Luna will approach from a secret trench dug into the other side of the moon’s surface and enter the base interior to wreak havoc from within.

LUNA: Oooooooh, a trench run! I’ll have to use the Force………Silhouette.

ARTHUR: (Shakes his head) Sorry, the Blast Silhouette’s model sales are low, so you’ll be using that instead.

SHINN: (Confused) There’s a “Blast” Silhouette?

REY: A shrewd strategy, Captain. We’ll prepare to launch.

(Minutes later, the Minerva enters the battlefield and begins flying along the moon’s surface. The EAF defense force takes notice and launches Windams, Zamza-Zahs, and most frighteningly; three more Destroy units. The Minerva launches Destiny, Legend, and Blast Impulse.)

SHINN: (Smiles) This plan is stupid-brilliant.

LUNA: Yeah, I almost feel sorry for those Earthbound clowns.

SHINN: (Laughs obnoxiously) Ha! You rhymed!

REY: Enough chatter. Get going, Luna. We’ll take those Destroys down.

LUNA: Good luck!

(Blast Impulse peels off and flies in a different direction as Destiny and Legend move to engage the incoming EAF units. Shinn effortlessly picks off Windams with beam rifle shots. Rey deploys Legend’s DRAGOONs and destroys even more. The Minerva activates its positron cannon and fires, but a Zamza-Zah blocks the shot with its reflector array. Suddenly, Destiny comes up from behind the Zamza-Zah and blasts a hole in the mobile armor with its beam cannon.)

ZAMZA-ZAH PILOT: Agh! He’s seen through our flimsy, one-sided defensive measure!!! (Explodes)

SHINN: When you get to hell, tell em’…tell em’…

(Shinn pauses to think. He radios Rey.)

SHINN: Rey! What’s my name again?

REY: (On radio) It’s Shinn, Shinn!

SHINN: Right- tell em’ SHING sent ya!!!

(The Destroys transform to mobile suit modes and open fire on the ZAFT suits. Legend and Destiny easily dodge to and fro.)

SHINN: Dammit, those big guys might be tough!

REY: Not an issue; they have Stormtrooper Syndrome!*

*The more there are of something, the easier each one is to defeat.

(Destiny continues to evade beam shots as Shinn tries to get a clean shot off with his own beam rifle.)

REY: Shinn, use the anti-ship sword! It’s the Destroy’s main weakness!

SHINN: Got it!!!

(Destiny deploys its ASS with a flourish.)

NARRATOR: YOU CAN’T DEFEND!

(Destiny spirals through a barrage of shots and deposits its ASS into the first Destroy’s cockpit, brutally and irrevocably snuffing out the pilot’s life with a chilling finality, or so Chiaki Morosawa would have us believe in this particular instance. The Destroy crumbles to its knees and explodes. A short distance away, Legend deploys its DRAGOONs again and sends the beam-spiked pair through another Destroy’s beam shield array. They cut through the Destroy’s main body and cause it to explode. We cut to the moon base’s main control room as the battle rages, where Lord Djibril is in less than high spirits.)

DJIBRIL: (Hands on his head) Dammit, Destroy Gundams don’t grow on trees! This is costing me a fortune! Screw it! I’m leaving!

(Djibril runs out of the control room. Meanwhile the Blast Impulse is approaching an obvious-looking Secret Access Shaft ™ that will allow it to enter the EAF base’s interior.)

LUNA: Ah, child’s play.

(Suddenly, some Windams approach the Impulse from up ahead.)

LUNA: No time to play with grunts!

(Luna deploys Blast Impulse’s beam cannons and rail guns and fires upon the approaching enemies, but none of the shots connect.)

LUNA: Oh, come on! Do I really suck this bad?

(Luna fires again, but no matter how accurately she targets, the shots go astray. And I mean off-target, not the manga side-story. The Windams continue to approach Luna.)

LUNA: I-I refuse to be nothing more than the damsel-in-distress/fanservice!

(The Windams open fire and strike Blast Impulse a few times, sending it floundering.)

LUNA: (Sighs) Dammit.

(In the Impulse’s cockpit, Luna takes her helmet off. She pulls out a small whistle and blows on it; we can’t hear any noise. Cut to Shinn’s cockpit. He perks up, seemingly hearing something no one else can.)

SHINN: (Looking around) Luna? Luna’s in danger!!!

REY: I’ll handle the last Destroy, Shinn! Go bail Luna out!

(Destiny takes off in Luna’s direction as Legend moves to battle the final Destroy unit.)

DESTROY PILOT: You may have effortlessly defeated the other two Destroys, but I’ve got a feeling I won’t go down as ea- HEY!!!

(Legend lands on the Destroy’s backpack and stabs a beam saber into a random area. The puncture seems to cause some kind of chain reaction in the Destroy’s frame.)

DESTROY PILOT: No! That hit a feeding line to my main power core somehow! I’m going to-

(The Destroy violently explodes as Legend flies away. Meanwhile the Windams hassling Luna’s Impulse are all destroyed by a pair of beam boomerangs. Luna turns and sees Destiny approaching.)

LUNA: Shinn! You saved me!

SHINN: Luna, you’re alright!

TALIA: (On radio) The time for proclaiming the pathetically obvious aloud is over! Now, complete the mission!

SHINN + LUNA: (Simultaneously) Yes, ma’am!

(Destiny and Impulse fly down the Secret Access Shaft ™. Meanwhile, Lord Djibril prepares to abandon the moon base in the EAF battleship Girty Lue; it slowly begins to lift off from a hidden dock. Lord Djibril sits on the bridge in a comfortable chair.)

DJIBRIL: Geez, this whole ordeal has been one big pain in my ass. Maybe I should give the bigotry and war-profiteering a rest and just retire on some secluded island with my considerable wealth and never bother anyone again.

(As the Girty Lue lifts out of the dock, Djibril notices the Legend is waiting for them right outside.)

REY: This tediously long war ends now.

(The Legend deploys its DRAGOONs and they position themselves around the Girty Lue.)

DJIBRIL: Oh, you CAMPER!

(Legend’s beam-spike DRAGOONs then rocket through the EAF battleship’s bridge, directly hitting Djibril in his comfortable chair.)

DJIBRIL: (Being vaporized) I’ll be back in Seed threeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

(The other DRAGOONs fire and completely destroy the Girty Lue. Meanwhile in the base interior, Destiny and Impulse split up and begin destroying idle battleships, mobile units, and other generally threatening-looking things. Luna finally finds the core of the Requiem firing station.)

LUNA: Now to shut them down, but good!

(Blast Impulse fires its beam cannons, but the blasts don’t hit the control center.)

LUNA: Oh FUCKING COME ON!!! IT’S STATIONARY!!!

(Luna fires once more, but the blasts magically don’t hit again. Luna sighs and takes her helmet off.)

LUNA: (Exasperated) I give up.

(Luna blows on her whistle again. We hear a faint sound coming down the passageway that Blast Impulse just arrived from. The sound gets louder every second.)

SHINN: (Approaching in Destiny) LLLLLLLLUUUUUUUNNNNNNNAAAAAAAA!!!!!

(Destiny abruptly rushes in past Blast Impulse, just flies straight through the control center and keeps going, blowing through dozens of walls.)

LUNA: Guess I better just stick to what I know.

(Outside of the base, the EAF forces are in ruin. ZAFT has once again won the day. Suddenly, Destiny bursts out of the moon’s surface, having simply flown through miles of rock and metal, with Impulse following close behind.)

SHINN: Watch out, Luna!

(Impulse veers out of the way as Destiny deploys its beam cannon and fires down the shaft it has just created in the moon’s surface. An explosion ripples forth from the shaft moments later, signaling that Requiem is no longer a threat at the moment. Impulse and Legend pull up alongside Destiny as it hovers triumphantly in the air.)

REY: Well done, you two.

LUNA: We pwned those r-tards.

SHINN: (Screams in triumph) COBRRRRRRRAAAAA!!! I mean, ZAAAAAFT!!!

(We fade out on the triumphant ZAFT troops. Cut to the lunar city of Copernicus some time later, at the current mansion that Meer Campbell is staying. Her aide/handler Sara stands in the background as Meer takes a call from Chairman Durandal on a view screen.)

DURANDAL: Ah, I’ve just received reports that the war is over- in no small part thanks to me and my awesome plans. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you, Meer. Your impersonation of Lacus Klyne drew attention away from the ridiculously crippling war costs and casualty rating that we suffered.

MEER: Well, I only wanted to help.

DURANDAL: Indeed. (His tone becomes sinister and a shadow falls over his face) And now, I’m afraid your usefulness has come to an end.

MEER: Wh-what?

DURANDAL: (Instantly brightens up) I mean, of course, that you no longer have to pretend to be Lacus.

(Meer looks down, obviously dejected about this notion.)

DURANDAL: (Once again sinister and shadowy) In any case, Sara will now “take care” of you.

(Durandal winks at Sara.)

MEER: What was that?

DURANDAL: (Charmingly befuddled) What was what?

MEER: You just winked at Sara!

DURANDAL: No I didn’t. (Shadow falls over face again) Now, as I stated, Sara will see that you are appropriately “dealt with”.

(Durandal winks at Sara again.)

MEER: See, you did it again! You-you’re out to get rid of me!

DURANDAL: (Taken aback) Why, Meer, how could you even think something like that?

MEER: (Panicking) Oh God, I’ve been your little tool all along and now that you’ve won the war, I need to be silenced!

DURANDAL: Calm down, Meer. You’re being paranoid and dangerously close to accurate. Do you want some candy? Sara, get Meer some candy.

(Sara produces a bag of candy and offers it to Meer, but she slaps it away.)

MEER: I DON’T WANT ANY CANDY!

DURANDAL: Okay, then, maybe you just want to go for a walk. Sara; take Meer out for a walk.

(Sara pulls out a leash and tries to clip it to Meer’s necklace, but she pulls away.)

MEER: NO! No walk!

DURANDAL: Sheesh, fine then. All I ever wanted was to give you the life that the REAL Lacus Klyne has abandoned.

MEER: (Stung) R-real?

DURANDAL: Oh, just throwin’ this out there, but…you COULD still take that life for yourself.

MEER: Huh?

DURANDAL: Well, we’ve gotten word that the real Lacus Klyne is currently approaching the moon. If you could get her to land here in Copernicus, you could kill her and then you could take over her life.

MEER: I-I don’t know…

DURANDAL: Didn’t you love the attention, Meer, or should I say, Lacus-sama? Don’t you deserve all the fame and love that the other one seems to ignore?

MEER: (Slowly losing it) I-I…yes…

DURANDAL: (Shrugs) But you’ll never be able to keep it; not while the other one still lives.

(Durandal pulls out a picture of the real Lacus Klyne; it appears to be framed and signed “To my biggest fan, Gil”.)

DURANDAL: Just look at her. She squandered her life and fame away for misguided ideals. She doesn’t deserve what she had.

MEER: (Losing grip on reality) S-she doesn’t deserve it…

DURANDAL: (Tilts his head slightly, and gives a sympathetic look) Too bad she’s the real Lacus and you aren’t…

MEER: (Mad) N-no…NO! THAT AM NOT REAL RAKUSU!!! ME AM REAL RAKUSU!!!

(Durandal smiles and puts the picture away.)

DURANDAL: Then you know what has to be done…

(Durandal nods to Sara, who flips out a cell phone and begins making calls. Meer continues looking quite mad and not quite all there. Some time later, we cut to the Archangel and the Eternal, which are both approaching the moon to dock for supplies or shopping or something. On the Archangel’s bridge, the view screen switches on and Lacus appears from the Eternal.)

LACUS: Murrue-san, there’s a problem. We just received a text message from Copernicus.

(Athrun and Kira walk onto the bridge.)

ATHRUN: What’s going on?

LACUS: (Annoyed) Don’t interrupt! Here’s the message we received.

(The message is shown on the Archangel’s view screen and states “Help, Lacus-sama, I’m going to killed!” and is signed by one Meer Campbell.)

ATHRUN: My God! Meer’s going to commit a murder…in the past tense!

(The message disappears and Lacus reappears, looking annoying.)

LACUS: No, I’m pretty sure she’s asking for my help because SHE is going to BE murdered. She just has terrible grammar.

NEUMANN: (Rolls eyes) Like you can talk about anyone’s grammar.

LACUS: (Shrieks) SILENCE, third row!

(Lacus shoots lightning bolts out of her eyes, which come through the view screen and electrocute Neumann.)

NEUMANN: (Being jolted) ACKKKKK!!! (It stops; Neumann is slightly crispy and blackened) Son of a-!

LACUS: (Eyes narrow) Yeah, we Coordinators can do stuff like that if we want. Best remember it, bucko. (Turns back to Murrue) Now, about this Meer situation…

MURRUE: Funny, I always thought her name was “Mia”.

ATHRUN: This is probably a trap, but we should really still help her. I’ll go with you, Lacus.

KIRA: (Confused) I forget; who is Meer?

ATHRUN: The fake Lacus with the big jugs.

KIRA: (Quickly) I’m in.

LACUS: (Mad) Why the hell should we help her? She’s using my name for her own benefits and we surely have more important matters to deal with, like butting-in everywhere and telling people what to think!

MURRUE: Yeah…but she’s, like, the most well-developed character in this series*.

*God help us, it’s true!

KIRA: Yeah, she was very…well-developed…and, and stuff… (Loses train of thought)

(Suddenly, Neo/Mu rushes into the bridge.)

NEO/MU: Did I just hear that Meer Campbell needs our help?

ATHRUN: Yes.

NEO/MU: I’ll go! I hear Meer’s got great… (Gets a death-glare from Murrue and Lacus) …I-I mean, I hear Meer’s great!

MURRUE: (Annoyed) Interested in young girls, huh? What are you; Char?

NEO/MU: Just because I have blond hair, wear a mask, have piloted both a red and a gold mobile suit, and yes, sometimes have an interest in younger girls, doesn’t mean I’m anything like Char! Besides, Rau was Char. And Athrun a little.

ATHRUN: I’m actually Quattro.

LACUS: THEY WERE THE SAME GUY! And this arguing is getting us nowhere!

KIRA: Lacus is right! We are wasting time that could be spent on the rich and totally pertinent plot thread that is confronting/rescuing Meer!

LACUS: What??

MURRUE: (Sighs and rolls her eyes) Fine. Once we dock at the moon, we’ll go confront/rescue Meer.

NEO/MU: Dock at the moon?? That’ll take too long! Meer may be in danger this very instant! Dammit, I’ll just free-float to the moon right now!

(Neo/Mu picks up a chair that happens to be lying around on the bridge and moves towards one of the windows.)

NEO/MU: If I remember correctly, I can survive in space without a helmet!

(Neo/Mu begins banging on the window with the chair. Kira and Athrun rush over and try to stop him, grabbing him by the arms.)

KIRA: No, Mu-san! That was just a retcon!!!

NEO/MU: (Grunting) Let…go of me!!! Rrrrrrrr!!!

ATHRUN: Not until you calm down!!!

(Neo/Mu finally just sinks to the ground, whimpering.)

NEO/MU: (On the verge of tears) G-got to help that poor, poor girl. That poor, poor, well-developed girl!

LACUS: (Annoyed) Enough. I’ll go and bring Kira, Athrun, and Luna’s sister with me. But this ISN’T a rescue mission. It’s a “confront imposter and possibly beat the shit out of her” mission.

MURRUE: Agreed.

(Some time later, Lacus, Kira, Athrun, and Meyrin are on the moon’s surface in the city of Copernicus. They pause outside of the shopping district.)

LACUS: Well, the message included a time and place, but we’re not supposed to be there for another hour or two. Might as well go shopping.

(Kira and Athrun groan simultaneously.)

LACUS: Can I borrow your sidekick, Athrun?

ATHRUN: Go ahead; me and Kira are going to find a bar.

LACUS: Thanks. (Turns to Meyrin) Come, handmaiden.

MEYRIN: (Grumbles) I’m not your servant!

ATHRUN: (Preparing to walk away) Meyrin, just do what Lacus says; she’s usually always right. And when she isn’t, Kira and I just blow stuff up until she is.

MEYRIN: (Sighs) Fine.

(The two pairs walk off in opposite directions. Meanwhile, we cut to an abandoned amphitheater a few blocks away, where Sara and her team of assassins are setting up a trap. Meer sits alone on a bench; Sara walks up to her.)

SARA: She’ll be coming soon, Lacus-sama. Remember to lure Lacus-sama out in the open, and then we’ll jump out and shoot Lacus-sama. You got all this, Lacus-sama?

MEER: Everything except the words that weren’t “Lacus-sama”.

SARA: (Sighs) Just sit here until they come.

(Cut to Lacus and Meyrin, in a clothing store. Meyrin is holding a pile of clothing that reaches higher than her head, as Lacus comes out of one of the dressing rooms wearing a different outfit.)

LACUS: (Spins around) Well?

MEYRIN: (Looks around the clothing in her arms) I think Kira will like it.

LACUS: (Shrugs) I could care less about what Kira thinks… (Suddenly gets big, sparkly anime puppy-dog eyes and clasps her hands together) …because my heart might EXPLODE if I cared any MORE about what Kira thinks!

MEYRIN: Er, I dunno if I’m the first to point this out, but Kira doesn’t seem to be as interested in you as you are in him.

LACUS: (Glares) Kira is just very complex and layered. One day he’ll open up to me…one day soon. I bet he’s thinking of me right now…

(We cut to a bar across the street, where Kira and Athrun sit alone, both halfway through their third beer. Kira is utterly wasted; the Ultimate Coordinator is a lightweight.)

KIRA: Yooou know, Asuraaan, thiss isn’t how I thinked I’d be spendin’ muh year.

ATHRUN: (Takes a sip of his beer) Mmm-hm.

KIRA: Tethered down tooo tha wacko pink-hair broad an’ shoootin’ stuff on ‘er behalf, allll for peeeace, or unicorns, or sumthin’.

ATHRUN: (Takes another sip) Yup.

KIRA: An’ I bet sheee wansz to settle down wif me an’ raise some little Ultimuh…Ultime…Ulti-mate Co-or-den-ate-orssssss.

ATHRUN: (Takes a healthy chug) I’ll bet.

KIRA: But I’m toooo young to settle down wif annnny chick! Don’t you thinkssso, Asuraaan?

ATHRUN: (Looks at his watch) Oh, definitely.

KIRA: Yea…sooooo, is it time to go see tha chick wit th’ big knockers yet?

ATHRUN: (Gets off his bar stool and puts on his coat) Yeah, we should meet back up with the girls.

KIRA: Gotchoo. Lez do it.

(Kira gets up and wobbles a bit, so Athrun steadies him and helps him walk out.)

ATHRUN: C’mon, champ.

KIRA: I love you, maaan. (Looks over at Athrun) Youuuu’re pretty, close up.

ATHRUN: Yes. Yes I am.

(They walk outside to the street, where Lacus and Meyrin are now waiting for them. Kira breaks away from Athrun and lurches over to Lacus.)

KIRA: (Lightly punches her arm) Heeeeyyyyyy, stuuupid!

LACUS: (Rolls her eyes) Oh for fuck’s sake. Meyrin, detox.

(Meyrin nods and rummages through her purse and finally pulls out a syringe. She hands it to Lacus, who promptly jabs it into Kira’s neck and presses the plunger down. Kira yelps in surprise.)

KIRA: AIIIIEEE!!!

(The drug injected into Kira instantly dissolves any alcohol in his bloodstream and returns him to sobriety. Yeah; that exists in the future.)

KIRA: (Rubs his head) Owwww.

LACUS: (Turns to Athrun) And are YOU drunk too?

ATHRUN: (Holds up his hands) No, I’m super-cool. Alcohol only affects me in a good way.

LACUS: Okay, well let’s go meet this bitch.

(The quartet walks towards the abandoned amphitheater where Meer is waiting. Minutes later, we cut to Meer sitting alone on a bench in said amphitheater. Suddenly, she notices Athrun walking in. She jumps up in surprise.)

MEER: What are you doing here, Athrun-san?

(Meer begins to run over to him, but Athrun pulls a pistol out and points it at her.)

ATHRUN: Not so fast, Fakey McBogus.

(Kira and Meyrin walk in behind Athrun, followed by Lacus. Meer’s eyes widen when she sees Lacus.)

MEER: It’s…you.

LACUS: (Toneless) Hello there, Meer. It’s nice to finally meet you face to my face.

MEER: (Trembling) Y-you…you’re…

(Athrun looks around; he senses something is not right. He walks closer to Meer and grabs her arm.)

ATHRUN: What do you think you’re playing at here? Are you really in danger?

MEER: (Looks around nervously) In…danger?

MEYRIN: (Screams) Athrun, look out!!!

(Athrun ducks as a few bullets whiz by his head. He turns and looks to the others.)

ATHRUN: It’s a trap!

LACUS: Geez whiz, Admiral Ackbar, ya think?

(Meyrin pulls out a pistol and provides covering fire against snipers as Athrun yanks Meer up and pulls her back towards the others. Kira pulls out a pistol, but he’s holding the barrel in his hand, with the handle pointed forward.)

KIRA: Stand back, I’ll handle this!

ATHRUN: Kira, wait, don’t-

(Kira shoots himself in the foot.)

KIRA: AGH!

MEYRIN: God, you suck with guns that aren’t connected to giant robots, don’t you?

KIRA: (Whimpers) I’m not “Ultimate” at everything, okay??

(The rest of the group runs to takes cover behind a wall, while Kira hops on one foot to get there. A group of four assassins, including Sara, come out of hiding spots and advance on them. Meer is terrified.)

MEER: They…they tried to shoot me too!

LACUS: Of course, dumbass. You actually thought Durandal would let you live?

MEER: (Teary-eyed) Oh, Lacus-sama, I’m sorry! I was wrong! I’m not you at all! You’re you!

LACUS: (Rolls her eyes) Thank you, I was privy to that information, yes.

(Athrun leans out from cover and shoots one of the assassins in the head. The other two assassins dash back to cover behind the amphitheater benches. Sara throws a grenade, but Athrun leaps out of cover and kicks it back at her. The explosion sends Sara flying to the ground in a crumpled, apparently unconscious heap. Kira steps out from behind the cover of the wall as well.)

ATHRUN: Kira, go back behind there! I’ll take care of the other two!

KIRA: Sorry, buddy, but I’ve got to do my fair share!

(Kira then rolls up his sleeve and talks into his watch.)

KIRA: (Into his watch) Freedom- SHOWTIME!!!

(Nothing happens.)

ATHRUN: Kira, I don’t think it works like th-

(Suddenly, Strike Freedom dramatically comes flying out of the air and lands in the center of the amphitheater with a loud crash. Athrun stares up at it, mouth agape.)

ATHRUN: How the hell did-?

(Athrun turns to look at Kira, but he is no longer there.)

ATHRUN: (Confused) Wha-?

(Cut to Freedom’s cockpit; Kira’s inexplicably in it and strapped-in already.)

KIRA: Strike Freedom; all systems go!

(Freedom turns and focuses on the remaining two assassins, who both stand up from behind their cover.)

KIRA: (From Freedom’s external speaker) Surrender!

ASSASSIN # 1: You don’t scare me! I’ve never believed the stories about how invincible Freedom is supposed to be!

(Assassin # 1 tosses his gun away and pulls out a knife, then runs up to Freedom’s foot and starts stabbing at it.)

ASSASSIN # 1: Take that! And that! And some of this!

(In Freedom’s cockpit, Kira sighs. He pulls Freedom a step back from the two assassins, then has the mobile suit turn its back to them.)

ASSASSIN # 2: I-I think he’s actually scared!!!

(Freedom ejects a single DRAGOON, which inertly falls towards the two assassins.)

ASSASSIN # 2: Oh shit.

(The DRAGOON falls on the two assassins. Freedom turns around again.)

KIRA: And that’s the end of that chapter.

(Cut to the two assassins pinned under the DRAGOON; it has crushed the lower halves of their bodies.)

ASSASSIN # 1: (Choking on blood) Urk! Ruh-remember me…as a nameless assassin!

ASSASSIN # 2: (Dying) I-I love you, Frank.

ASSASSIN # 1: (Spits blood out) O-oh, thanks a lot, asshole… (Dies)

(The other assassin breathes his last too, and it seems the threat is over. Lacus, Meyrin, and Meer come out of cover. Athrun runs over to them.)

ATHRUN: You guys alright?

LACUS: Not quite. There’s still one more issue…

(Lacus deftly backhands Meer without even looking at her. Meer falls to the ground.)

MEER: Uhn! HEY!

ATHRUN: Lacus!

LACUS: (To Athrun) Quiet. (Turns and regards Meer) I won’t be satisfied till I’ve taught this pretender a lesson.

MEER: But-but, I apologized! I admitted my mistake!

LACUS: That’s not good enough.

(Meer grits her teeth and pulls the star clip out of her hair.)

MEER: Okay, bitch, if you wanna dance, let’s dance.

(Meer tosses the hairclip like a ninja throwing star at Lacus. Lacus easily catches it in between her fingers.)

LACUS: Please, star hairclips are sooooo C.E. 71. And besides, I’m going to beat you up with my bare hands!

(Lacus runs and tackles Meer and soon the two are struggling on the ground. Athrun, Meyrin, and Kira, who is still in Freedom all watch.)

MEYRIN: We should break this up!!!

(Athrun puts his arm in front of Meyrin.)

ATHRUN: No…no, let them go at for a little while more…

KIRA: (From Freedom’s external speaker) Yeah…they should really…keep doing that… for a bit longer…

MEYRIN: (Rolls her eyes) Nghhhh, men.

(Meyrin walks over to the wrestling Lacus and Meer and pulls Lacus off.)

MEYRIN: That’s enough! You’re making fools of yourselves!

LACUS: (Growls) Let go!

MEER: (Dusting herself off) Yeah, let her go! I can take her! I was a better Lacus then she’ll ever be!

LACUS: (Growls) Why you…

(Suddenly, Lacus notices something behind Meer in the background; Sara is slowly leaning up and aiming a pistol at them, barely conscious. Lacus smirks.)

LACUS: (Smirking) On second thought, you’re right. You are better than me.

MEER: (Surprised) I am?

LACUS: Oh absolutely, you are just great. Here, let me help you up…

(Lacus offers her hand to Meer, who accepts and Lacus starts to pull her up.)

MEER: Oh…oh Lacus-sama, you truly are as kind as I initially thought!

LACUS: Yes I am. Oops!!!

(Unseen by anyone, Lacus sticks her foot in front of Meer as she pulls her twin up. At that moment, Sara fires her pistol. Meer trips over Lacus’s foot and falls in the path of Sara’s bullet, appearing to have taken the shot for Lacus. She collapses into Lacus’s arms.)

ATHRUN: MEER!

KIRA: (Going into SEED Mode) NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(Strike Freedom goes into full-burst mode and launches off its DRAGOONs; they jet off and spiral into the air and then reposition themselves from above. Kira fires all Freedom’s weapons at where Sara is laying on the ground; the shots all connect and create a massive explosion while the DRAGOONs whip gracefully through the air in a ballet of beam shots that all hit the same area and make the explosion even larger. Finally, mercifully, the barrage ends and Strike Freedom’s weapons all cease firing and disengage. Half the amphitheater is gone; a smoking crater, but the half that Kira and the others are in is completely fine. Athrun dourly notes Kira’s DRAGOONs as they dock again with Freedom.)

ATHRUN: Uh, DRAGOONs shouldn’t work in higher gravity environments like this.

KIRA: Ahhhhh, they’ll fix it in the Special Edition…

(Lacus is holding Meer’s body as her twin struggles to breathe and blood pours out of the bullet hole in her chest.)

LACUS: (Melodramatically) Oh, Meer, you sacrificed yourself to save me!!! What a shockingly ironic twist!

MEER: (Weakly) Please, m-my song. Please keep my memory alive…

(Meer reaches into her coat and pulls out a CD. Lacus takes the CD from her.)

LACUS: Right, I’ll listen to it…maybe on some rainy day. Anything else?

MEER: (Dying) Lacus-sama…yours…is…superior! (Slumps over and dies)

LACUS: We shall never forget you, Meer………okay, this is done. Let’s get the hell back to the ships so we can forget this whole incident and everyone involved.

MEYRIN: We should at least take the body…to give her a proper burial.

ATHRUN: Agreed.

LACUS: (Annoyed) Fine, whatever. Let’s just go.

(Athrun comes over and solemnly lifts Meer’s dead body up, and with that, Lacus, Meyrin, and he all climb onto Strike Freedom’s hand and Kira gently lifts off. Lacus looks at the CD Meer gave her, considers for a moment, and then simply tosses it over her shoulder.)

LACUS: Well, that’s one clip show we won’t have to suffer through, at least.

(Strike Freedom flies away back to the dock. A short time later, at the dock that houses the Archangel and the Eternal, word of Meer’s death reaches everyone else. Strike Freedom eventually lands and Athrun steps off with Meer’s body. All the crew members of both ships have gathered outside to pay their last respects. Neo/Mu is sobbing in Murrue’s arms as Athrun solemnly brings Meer’s body by; the young Coordinator’s face is undeniably gloomy and grief-stricken. As he passes the rest of the Archangel’s bridge crew, Miriallia whispers to Neumann.)

MIRIALLIA: I didn’t know that Athrun cared so much about Meer…

NEUMANN: (Voice cracking) I didn’t know that I cared so much about Meer!

(Neumann begins to cry as Miriallia pats him on the back. Athrun passes by Andrew Watfield.)

ANDY: (Downcast) I haven’t felt this crappy since I used Aisha as a human shield to protect me from my exploding LaGOWE and uh-oh…

(Andy quickly looks around, but fortunately no one heard him. Minutes later, Meer’s body is resting on a cot in a chamber in the Archangel. Athrun, Lacus, Kira, and Meyrin all hold quiet vigil over it. Athrun and Kira look depressed, Meyrin has a neutral expression, and Lacus looks impatient and annoyed with her arms crossed.)

ATHRUN: (Speaks up) The Chairman uses people like tools. We have to stop him.

KIRA: Yes, in honor of Meer, if nothing else.

LACUS: (Rolls her eyes) Right, because stopping the Chairman in honor of the millions who have already died in this war wouldn’t be meaningful enough.

KIRA: Lacus, that’s in the past!

ATHRUN: Yeah, we have to reassess our priorities every minute, Lacus! Sure, nearly a million people were killed in one shot by Djibril’s Solar Ray earlier today, but that was earlier today! Meer just died not even an hour ago!

KIRA: And who knows what evil scheme Durandal is cooking up, even as we speak!

(Cut to Durandal, sitting in a darkened room. He’s cutting a piece of construction paper with safety scissors. He sets them down, picks up a crayon, and begins scribbling furiously on the paper.)

DURANDAL: And just a dash of glue and glitter…

(Durandal finishes up; he proudly holds the piece of construction paper in front of him.)

DURANDAL: At last, the blueprint for my Destiny Plan is COMPLETE! (Laughs evilly)

(We see the piece of paper; it’s a crudely-drawn picture of Durandal, sitting in a golden chair with a crown on his head, and masses of stick figures all under him. A caption states “King” and points with an arrow to Durandal. Another caption states “Suckers” and points with an arrow to the stick figure crowd. Durandal puts the paper down and leans back, contemplating.)

DURANDAL: And how will you respond to this plan, Kira Yamato and Lacus Klyne?

(We fade out on Durandal’s smirking face.)

TO BE CONCLUDED!!!

NEXT TIME ON GUNDAM SEED DESTINY!

Who determines the future; the winner or the loser? The winner of course, you stupid sod! Why would you even ask that question? And Durandal intends to be the winner! With Requiem under his control and the space fortress Messiah as his command center, Durandal seems poised to take over the world maybe! But first, he must pierce the veil of invincibility that surrounds the Archangel and the ships allied with it. It all comes down to the wire; Kira VS Rey and Athrun VS Shinn! Who will emerge victorious? Who will be humiliatingly crushed? And who will have an inexplicable last second change of heart?

Find out in the pulse-pounding, disgustingly one-sided conclusion of The Typical Gundam Seed Destiny!

[RGM-79 GM]

this was great. you make great chapters even when your sick. BTW if your not better yet i hope you do get better soon.

[EZero8]

Wow... you still got it Thundermuffin...

I really liked the Neo/Mu parts, as well as the Druggie vs. Extendeds part. I'm looking forward to your conclusion!

MOD APPROVED!

[Gambit01]

Yzak. Deakka. 'Nuff said.

[Destroy Gundam]

SHANI: Huh? Oh yeah. Whatever. Go Team Druggie.

CLOTHO: (Eyes still on his game) I’ll empty the dishwasher later, Mom.

Go classic druggies. You captured Shani's apathetic nature well. And Rau's scheduled haunting bit made me chuckle.

I'd pay money to see that fight between the Druggies, Extendeds, Mayu and Flay. And Heine.

[Thundermuffin]

I already had the outline and notes for this chapter pretty nailed down. So when an opportunity to just sit at my computer for a whole day presented itself, I just banged this out faster than I was planning.

I'm feeling a lot better now, thanks.

I wanted to work the Druggies in somehow, and I figured the best way to do it would be to have a "Ghost Fight" of sorts.