A Typical Episode of Gundam Seed Destiny

Your own tale of two mecha.
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Wingnut
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Well there are worse options in the Cosmic Era after all.
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EZero8
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Yeah... there is the crying manly girl, a manipulative red-head, a girl who is stuck in the past, and two under-appreciated sisters. :D
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Alright you two, lets not spam this place up.
I must betray Stalindog!!!

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Thundermuffin
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The Lacus/Kira thing- It always struck me that Kira just wasn't as interested in Lacus as the reverse. And aside from that risque shot in the opening of Final Plus, you never really see them express any passionate affection for each other aside from the occasional comforting hug and gazing into each other eyes.

Plus, I never thought there was any closure for Flay and Kira. Flay had her claws in him til the very end and I'm not sure Kira ever got over her, despite the crappy way she treated him for most of the series.

So of course, I had to mock this situation.
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MOD APPROVED

Funny, I can't find the sticky button. But, as soon as I do this thing get's stickied! Everyone must read this.

EDIT:thanks red

Stickied. Now, let's send this to Iccya.
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Silly Folken, had to be told how to sticky a thread. :P

Anyway, thanks for doing that. Now everyone can easily see this wonderful fanfic!

And it's lccya, with an "L" not an "I".

:mrgreen:
I must betray Stalindog!!!

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Folken Fanel
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Uh, if he wants to make up gibberish, he should learn to do it right!
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Another great installment , good job. I loved the whole Meer and Meiyrin violating thing :lol:
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I was going to make the next installment be a lot longer, but decided that it is much easier to bang out smaller bits in a few parts.

So if everything that is mentioned in the "Next Episode" bit doesn't happen, don't worry, it'll be along.

The next installment will deal with Zaft's attack on Heavens Base and Kira's acquisition of Strike Freedom.

And Shinn has a terrifying dream. Is it his nagging conscience, telling him that he's on the wrong side, or is he just screwed-up in the head? YOU decide.
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The Typical Gundam Seed Destiny Episode # 3

“They May Take Our Show, But They’ll Never Take Our Strike Freedom!”

or

“Looks Like Lord Djibril Is Blasting Off Again!”

(Open up in flashback dream land. Two years ago in Orb. Shinn and family are running through the forest, as explosions echo from a nearby mobile suit battle.)

SHINN’S DAD: I thought for sure the way to the evacuation center was this way…

SHINN’S MOM: Well, dear, why don’t we just go back and ask that nice oak tree for directions?

SHINN’S DAD: Oh, eat me.

SHINN: (Whines) Are we there yet?

DAD: No!

(A few seconds of running go by without talk.)

SHINN: Now?

DAD: No, dammit, Shinn!

(Multiple explosions really close by; the family quickly dashes away.)

SHINN: Agh, why are they fighting, Dad???

DAD: Because some no-good hippie decided that Orb was too good to side with those mass-murdering, clean-cut Federation gentlemen, son.

(Suddenly, Mayu drops her cell phone down a hill.)

MAYU: No!!! My phone!

MOM: Just forget it, dear! It’s not worth risking all our lives for a cell phone!

MAYU: (Quietly) I’d sooner see you all dead than lose my phone…

(Mom looks at Mayu.)

MOM: …What?

MAYU: Nothing! My cell phone! Get it, Shinn! Or I’ll rip up the thing you drew that Mom stuck on the fridge last week!

SHINN: (Gasps) Not my drawing of me as a cowboy, riding a giant pineapple to the moon! I’ll get it!

(Shinn jumps down the hill, to retrieve Mayu’s cell phone.)

SHINN: (Grumbling) Stupid, razzafrazza…

(Suddenly just as Shinn picks the phone up, there is an enormous explosion that tears through the mountainside, sending Shinn flying down the hill. Finally, he comes to a stop at the bottom of the hill, where a military base happens to be.)

SHINN: Ugh…owwww.

(An Orb officer runs up to Shinn.)

ORB OFFICER: Geez, that was some fall. You okay kid?

(Shinn slowly get to his feet and looks to where his family just was. The sight horrifies him.)

SHINN: Oh…no…

(Shinn’s whole family has been killed by the explosion; their twisted bodies lie sprawled across the hillside. Shinn spies something nearby on the ground.)

SHINN: Ugh, what??

(It is Mayu’s severed forearm. Shinn picks it up.)

ORB OFFICER: Ewwww, put that down, kid.

SHINN: Oh…God…

(Shinn runs over to his father’s body, which is laying face-down on the ground. He approaches it slowly.)

SHINN: D-Dad?

(Suddenly, Shinn’s father looks up directly at him. Instead of Shinn’s father though, it is Athrun Zala’s head we see on the body.)

ATHRUN’S APPARITION: You killed me, Shinn! You killlllllled meeeeeee!!!

SHINN: N-no, I was only following orders!

(Shinn looks up at the sky, where he sees an image of the Destiny Gundam stabbing a GOUF Ignited with its sword.)

ATHRUN’S APPARITION: Killllllled meeeeeee!!!

(Shinn looks down and closes his eyes, trying to purge the image.)

SHINN: No! This isn’t real!

(Mayu’s severed forearm suddenly taps Shinn’s arm with a finger. Shinn slowly opens his eyes and looks at the detached limb. We see an image of Meyrin Hawke’s face in the palm of Mayu’s bloody hand.)

MEYRIN’S APPARITION: And you killed me too! Killllllled meeeee tooooooooo!!!!

SHINN: (Screams) Shut up! This-this isn’t real!

MEYRIN’S APPARITION: You little ‘tard, I’ll show you how real this is!!!

(Mayu’s severed forearm leaps out of Shinn’s grip and grabs him by the throat. Shinn falls over, clutching at the detached limb that is trying to strangle him.)

SHINN: (Choking) AGH! GAK!!!

MEYRIN’S APPARITION: Die, traitor! Die! DIE!

SHINN: (Weakly) Noooooooo!!! (Startled) AGH!!!

(Kamille Bidan wakes up from his bunk with a jolt.)

KAMILLE: AHHH!!! (Rubs his eyes) What the heck…

(Fa Yuiry walks into the room.)

FA: Kamille, are you alright?

KAMILLE: Ugh, yeah, I’m fine Fa. I just had the weirdest dream.

FA: What about?

KAMILLE: I was in this weird alternate reality that seemed like a cheap rip-off of our world. My name was Shinn something and…and everything was all angsty and shit! It was more like a soap opera than a war!

FA: Well, Captain Bright wants you on the bridge.

KAMILLE: (Gets up) Okay, gimme five minutes.

(Fa begins to walk out, then stops in her tracks.)

FA: Oh, one more thing, Kamille.

KAMILLE: Hmmm?

(Fa turns around, only her head is now the head of Athrun Zala.)

ATHRUN’S APPARTITION: YOU KILLED ME!!!!!

(The Athrun/Fa entity lunges at Kamille.)

SHINN: AGGGGHHHHHH!!!!

(Shinn wakes up for real this time. He bangs his head on the bunk above him.)

SHINN: (Grabs his head and falls back down) OW!!! Dammit, every fucking time!

(Rey walks into the room, noting Shinn’s distress.)

REY: You okay?

SHINN: Yeah, just had a bad dream.

REY: The dream within another dream thing you told me about?

SHINN: (Sighs) Yeah, it’s pretty messed up. And now Athrun and Luna’s sister are in it too. I dream about my family’s death, then I wake up in, I dunno, an episode of the Partridge Family judging by the hairstyles, and then I wake up for real.

REY: Well, in whatever case, we’re going to be late for Gilbert’s press conference.

SHINN: Ugh, right. Lemme just get dressed.

(A minute or two later, Shinn and Rey walk out of their room into the hallway. They see Luna approaching.)

REY: Luna was just briefed about what happened to Athrun and her sister.

SHINN: Uh-oh, this might be a tad awkward…

(Luna walks up to Shinn, her expression neutral. Rey steps back and observes.)

SHINN: Hi there.

LUNA: Hey.

SHINN: Soooooooo, how you doin’?

LUNA: Okay. You killed my sister.

SHINN: (Flinches) These things happen. I suppose you’re miffed.

LUNA: Actually, I find myself inexplicably attracted to you now.

SHINN: Oh. Cool.

LUNA: Yeah, so wanna go make out in Destiny’s cockpit after the press conference?

SHINN: Yeah! Wait, are we an item now?

LUNA: It would seem. Why do you ask?

SHINN: Well, you talk a bit more than I usually like from my women…

LUNA: Protect…Luna!

SHINN: (Eyes glaze over) Oh man, that’s hot. Catch ya later.

(Luna winks at Shinn and walks away. Rey walks up to Shinn.)

SHINN: Wow; that was kinda unexpected.

REY: Luna’s just succumbed to the gradual deterioration of general reason and sensibility that plagues most of the characters in this series. Pay it no mind.

SHINN: (Happy) I’ve already forgotten what you just said.

(Shinn and Rey walk into the press conference. Chairman Durandal is the center of attention in a small room with many ZAFT officers and other important-looking people, including Talia Gladys. Durandal notices Shinn and Rey approaching.)

DURANDAL: Ah! Here they are, one of the reasons I called this conference!

SHINN: What’s the brief, chief?

DURANDAL: Well, first off, I realize to enact my master plan; Lord Djibril of Blue Cosmos needs to be killed. So I am ordering the Minerva and a buncha other ZAFT ships to attack Heavens Base, where he is currently staying along with many of the members of LOGOS.

TALIA: Fan-freaking-tastic, Gil.

DURANDAL: Thanks, babe. And now, in another disgustingly frivolous use of my power as Chairman, I grant membership in FAITH to two pilots who clearly don’t deserve it; Shinn Asuka and Rey Za Burrel!

SHINN: Wow! This just proves that whatever I do is right!

REY: I am humbled and honored…in that order.

SHINN: Thanks, sir!

DURANDAL: (Laughs) Please, call me “Uncle Gil”.

SHINN: Thanks, Uncle Gil!

(Durandal pins the FAITH insignias on Rey and Shinn’s shirts.)

DURANDAL: And now, who wants candy?

(Durandal reaches into his coat and produces a bag of assorted candies.)

SHINN: Me! Me! Mememememememememememe!

(Shinn hops up and down in excitement.)

REY: (Sternly) Shinn! Remember to be calm!

SHINN: (Straightens himself out) Right, right. Sorry, lost my head there for a second.

DURANDAL: (Laughs) Don’t worry about it! Only the best for our super-ace!

(Durandal gives Shinn the bag of candy, who immediately begins stuffing his face. Durandal turns to Talia.)

DURANDAL: And now we will begin preparations to enact Operation “Kick The Bejeesus Out Of Heavens Base”!

TALIA: Catchy.

DURANDAL: (Proudly) Made it up m’self. Now, scramble!

(As the ZAFT move to begin preparing their assault, we cut to Heavens Base some time later, where Lord Djibril of Blue Cosmos meets with a bunch of LOGOS members.)

DJIBRIL: I know that Durandal is sending a bunch of forces our way to kill me, but he’ll find that more difficult than he imagines!

LOGOS MEMBER # 1: Why’s that?

DJIBRIL: Because I have five Destroy units stationed here.

LOGOS MEMBER # 2: What’s so special about this Destroy unit?

DJIBRIL: Well, it’s really big.

LOGOS MEMBER # 2: Oh.

(Djibril notes that the LOGOS members aren’t especially impressed.)

DJIBRIL: ReaAAAAAAAAlly big.

(No response from his audience. Djibril spreads his arms out as far as he can.)

DJIBRIL: Really, really, REAAAAALLLLLY big. Much bigger than this.

(Still no impressed reaction from the audience of LOGOS members. Djibril begins to look annoyed.)

DJIBRIL: Any other questions?

LOGOS MEMBER # 1: Hey, why do you wear lipstick?

DJIBRIL: (Peeved) It’s lip GLOSS.

(High up in Earth orbit, a ZAFT vessel awaits the beginning of Operation Kick The Bejeesus Out Of Heavens Base. On the bridge, Yzak Joule, Dearka Elsman, and their fellow redcoat pilot Shiho Hahnenfuss solemnly watch the Earth turn. If you know who Shiho Hahnenfuss is, congratulations; you’re the only one.)

YZAK: (Smug) Okay, this time for sure, we’re gonna get to participate in this battle.

DEARKA: Yeah, it’d just be stupid for them not to use us. I mean, we’re the elite ZAFT pilots! Right, Shiho?

SHIHO: I-

YZAK: (Interrupts) How much longer until the mission start time, helmsman?

BRIDGE OFFICER: About ten minutes.

(Yzak rubs his hands together in anticipation.)

YZAK: We’ll show them! We may only pilot fancied-up grunt suits now, but we still kick way more ass than that pantywaist Athrun!

DEARKA: Just remember to control your anger, Yzak.

YZAK: (Angry) Sorry, but I just hate that guy so damn much! Stupid, super-cool, blue-haired little fucker and that same ass-ugly red horse he always rides in on!

SHIHO: Yeah, I-

DEARKA: (Interrupts with a laugh) Calm down, Yzak.

YZAK: (Angry) That’s what you always fucking say!

DEARKA: (Laughs) I guess I do always say that.

YZAK: (Wait for it……Angry) Dammit, Dearka, sometimes I hate it when you just humor me!

SHIHO: But he-

YZAK: (Turns to face Shiho, Angry) And for fuck’s sake, will you shut up! God, you frickin’ side-story characters are so full of yourselves! Yak yak yak!

(Shiho just sighs and looks down. Yzak turns back to Dearka.)

YZAK: (He’s, you guessed it, Angry) Straight-up man, if you laugh good-naturedly at one more thing I say, I will be forced to do something really nasty.

DEARKA: Sorry, it’s involuntary! Uh-oh! Here it comes… (Laughs good-naturedly)

YZAK: (Angry) AUGGGGGHHHH!!!

(Yzak picks up a nearby chair and flings it at Dearka. Dearka ducks and the chair sails through the air towards the entrance to the bridge. The door opens at that moment.)

RANDOM ZAFT OFFICER: (Walks in) Hey, what’s going o-

(Random ZAFT Officer gets a face-full of thrown Yzak chair.)

RANDOM ZAFT OFFICER: -UGH!

(Meanwhile, Dearka jumps up on one of the bridge consoles and begins running as Yzak chases him around the area. Dearka hops from one console to the other and Yzak keeps trying to tackle him.)

DEARKA: (Laughs) You’ll have to do better than that, Yzak.

YZAK: (Livid) KusokusokusokusokusokusoKUSOKUSOKUSOKUSO KUSO!!!!

(Dearka keeps laughing and avoiding Yzak. Shiho just sighs and walks over to a communications console. She picks up the com unit and sends a message.)

SHIHO: This is Codename “Background”. Codenames “Lenny” and “Carl” are suitably distracted. Begin the operation.

(Shiho then turns and casually moves towards the exit. She steps over the unconscious Random ZAFT Officer and exits the bridge. Yzak notices her leave, and turns, pointing at her.)

YZAK: (Angry) Yeah, that’s right! You go back to “Astray” or whatever and you stay there!

(Dearka is still on one of the bridge consoles and slaps Yzak on top of the head while he’s turned towards Shiho. Yzak spazzes out and swings wildly backwards at Dearka, who again jumps away to another console, laughing.)

YZAK: (Furious) GODDAMMIT, DEARKA!!!

(Yzak goes back to chasing Dearka around the bridge. Meanwhile, we cut to Earth, where a large ZAFT fleet is headed towards Heavens Base. The Minerva is chief among the ships headed there. Cut to the Minerva’s bridge; Chairman Durandal has been given a special seat to observe the battle.)

DURANDAL: Okay, first off, before we begin the attack, we’ll radio ahead and ask Djibril to be so good as to surrender himself.

(The Minerva opens a channel to Heavens Base. A view screen pops up and Lord Djibril appears on it. Durandal addresses him.)

DURANDAL: Ah, Lord Djibril. Good to see you, you slimy ratbag.

DJIBRIL: Durandal, I’m telling you now, back off or suffer the consequences!

DURANDAL: O-ho-ho! The chicken bares its fangs!

DJIBRIL: Chickens don’t have fangs, you fool! They have fine, silk clothing and private jets and lip gloss out the ass!

DURANDAL: So what are you gonna do, run away at us?

DJIBRIL: I’m warning you, you genetically-altered scumwad, you’re about to make the largest mistake of your so-called life! Step off!

DURANDAL: If we let you go, the war will never end! Surrender and you’ll be given fair treatment!

DJIBRIL: Will I get to keep my cat?

DURANDAL: Fuck no. I’m eating that mother.

DJIBRIL: Screw you then!

(Djibril terminates the connection. As the Minerva approaches Heavens Base, we see five Destroy units in mobile armor mode all rising from hiding places in the perimeter defenses. Cut back to the Minerva’s bridge.)

ARTHUR: Sweet, jumpin’ Zeta Zakus! Those things are reAAAAAAlly big!!!

DURANDAL: Size isn’t everything, my friend!

ARTHUR: Really?

DURANDAL: Well, okay, yes it is, but regardless we’re going in to boot those Big Zam rip-offs straight in the rear end! Launch all mobile suits!

TALIA: Hey! This is my ship!

DURANDAL: Oh sorry.

TALIA: (Turns to Arthur) Issue the order that he just did, but make sure it’s carried out with more pizzazz than he implied!

ARTHUR: Yes, ma’am! All mobile suits are cleared for take-off…with style!

(Cut to the Minerva hangar, where the ZAFT pilots have just received their orders.)

SHINN: With style, he says. Luckily, the super-ace of the ZAFT military can easily accommodate such a humble request! Mechanic!

(A Random Mechanic runs over to Shinn.)

RANDOM MECHANIC: Sir?

SHINN: Launch Destiny without me in it! I’ll take-off in the spare Core-Splendor and board my suit in midair! If that isn’t style, I dunno what is!

RANDOM MECHANIC: Uh, sir, that’s highly…not recommended.

(Shinn slaps Random Mechanic.)

SHINN: I’m in FAITH! You have to do what I say! I’ve got a special pin!

RANDOM MECHANIC: But sir, the stupid/retarded-ness of that plan is rather…staggering.

SHINN: Why you, I’ll show you who’s stupid!

(Shinn lowers his head and runs straight at the Random Mechanic. The mechanic easily sidesteps the charge and Shinn runs and bangs his head into a nearby wall, falling to the ground. Random Mechanic walks up to him, as Shinn sits on the floor holding his head.)

RANDOM MECHANIC: You…okay?

SHINN: (Holding his head) That move usually works when I’m in my mobile suit…

(Rey and Luna walk over.)

REY: There’s no time for this right now, Shinn. Let’s launch and take them down!

(Shinn is calmed by Rey’s words and gets up. He turns back to Random Mechanic.)

SHINN: I apologize, maybe I overreacted. But please respect my superior level of awesomeness in the future.

RANDOM MECHANIC: Can do.

(Rey runs over to board Legend, leaving Luna and Shinn alone for a moment.)

SHINN: Are you gonna be alright?

LUNA: Yeah, I can handle Impulse.

SHINN: Don’t worry, Luna, I’ll protect you.

LUNA: (Sighs) Now why’d you have to go and say that? Now you’ve jinxed me.

SHINN: I’m serious, Luna. I’ll never let you die. In fact, Chairman Durandal promised me that he’d teach me the super-special secret to keeping people from dying!

LUNA: Really?

SHINN: Well, he himself doesn’t really know for sure, but a friend of a friend told him, and it involves magical bits of cells that infuse everything in nature, even people! And he said that I have a lot of these magical cells in me, and I can use them to do supernatural stuff when I learn how to control them! So don’t worry, Luna- once I gain these wondrous powers I’ll make sure no one I love ever dies again!

LUNA: (Not reassured) Um…okay?

(Shinn and Luna run to board their mobile suits. Destiny, Legend, and Impulse all prepare to launch with the main ZAFT mobile suit squads.)

REY: Rey Za Burrel, suitably satisfied at where things are going!

(Legend launches.)

LUNA: Lunamaria Hawke, starting to doubt my role in this narrative!

(Impulse in Force Silhouette mode launches.)

SHINN: Shinn Asuka, I’m a pretty butterfly!!!

(Destiny launches and extends its Wings of Light. The three Gundams lead the charge as countless ZAKU, GOUF, and many other ZAFT units follow. Evil, epic opera music begins playing in the background, because this battle is so very epic and Shinn and company are so very evil. The Destroy units defending Heavens Base begin to move in to meet the ZAFT offensive and transform to Psyco Gundam knock-off mode. Cut to the cockpit of the lead Destroy, where Sting Oakley is…apparently still somehow alive after dying a few episodes ago. Let’s fix that.)

STING: What the fuck.

SHINN: YAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!

(Destiny Gundam flies in with its anti-ship sword pointed straight ahead like usual, and impales Sting’s Destroy right through the cockpit.)

STING: Seriously, man. What the fuck. (Dies)

SHINN: All animation errors must die!*

*Sting being present in this battle after he clearly died in the anime was obviously an animation error. With the superior level of writing present in Gundam Seed Destiny, there is no way that the writer ever intended for Sting to be in this scene. Those shoddy animators are, as ever, the only ones to blame for any and all of Gundam Seed Destiny’s faults. If there was an animator from Destiny right here now, I’d kick them in the balls. Assuming it was a guy, of course. If it was a woman, I’d probably just ask for a date because I’m lonely.

(Destiny yanks its sword out so it neatly cleaves the Destroy unit in half. A short distance nearby, Legend and Impulse tag-team another Destroy unit.)

REY: Remember, Luna, as the love interest to the main character, you are especially susceptible to death. And the fact that you are piloting a hand-me-down also qualifies you for termination, so be careful!

LUNA: Ah, shove it! I’m a redcoat pilot too, I have mad skillz!

(Impulse fires on the Destroy unit, but can’t seem to hit it, even though the Destroy is the equivalent of the broad side of a barn.)

LUNA: W-What’s wrong? Why can’t I hit it?

REY: Luna, are you looking to exchange your redcoat for a red shirt?? Shoot the giant mobile suit! Use Shinn’s Impulse stock footage if you have to!

(Impulse cannot hit anything with its beam rifle.)

LUNA: It’s-it’s not working! For some reason my piloting skills are all inexplicably gone!

REY: (To himself) It’s already happening to Luna…it’ll happen to all of us one day…

(Rey radios Shinn.)

REY: Shinn, Luna needs help!

(Cut to Destiny, standing atop the wreckage of another Destroy unit it has just beaten easily and off-screen.)

SHINN: Luna?? Hang on!

(Destiny takes off with purpose, flying straight for the Destroy that is menacing Impulse. Within the cockpit, Shinn’s pupils become dilated and he goes into “SEED Mode”. Just as the Destroy raises one of its beam cannon-laden hands, Destiny flies by and chops it off.)

DESTROY PILOT: What the-?

(Destiny turns around in midair, flying backwards to face the Destroy again, and tosses one of its beam-boomerangs off, shunning physics of any kind. The beam-a-rang slices off the Destroy’s head, turns and slices off both of the Destroy’s arms, then turns a final time to cut through both of the giant mobile suit’s legs. The Destroy crumbles to the ground.)

DESTROY PILOT: That…didn’t even make sense!

(Destiny suddenly and abruptly flies in and stabs the Destroy in the cockpit.)

SHINN: It doesn’t have to- THIS IS DESTINY!

DESTROY PILOT: (Dying) E-End this mockery of existence!

(Destiny yanks the anti-ship sword out; causing an explosion that destroys the Destroy*.)

*Sorry.

(One of the remaining Destroy units comes marching over.)

DESTROY PILOT # 2: Insert Random Name Here, NOOOO!!!

(The new Destroy unit opens up with all its firepower, causing the ZAFT suits to scatter.)

SHINN: (Still SEED-ing) You! You’re an enemy too!!!

(Destiny flies straight at the Destroy unit, somehow managing not to be hit by the beam spamming.)

SHINN: RAGGGHHH!!!

(Destiny grabs the Destroy by the head and fires off its palm beam cannon, blowing the giant suit’s head away. Then Destiny swings its sword into the torso of the Destroy, cutting all the way through until the EAF mobile suit falls in two pieces and begins to explode from within...or something.)

DESTROY PILOT # 2: (Dying) This is bullshit of the highest caliber.

SHINN: (Screams) YOUR LIFE DIDN’T MATTER!!!

(Destiny fires its beam cannon into the remains of the Destroy, ending it for good.)

LUNA: (A bit taken aback by Shinn’s rampage) Shinn…

SHINN: (Looking back and forth wildly in his cockpit) Where…where is the next target???

(Impulse flies up next to Destiny.)

LUNA: Whoa, whoa. Take it easy there, Heero Yuy.

(Shinn sees the final Destroy unit some distance away.)

SHINN: ENEMY!!!

(Destiny takes off, blazing towards the Destroy. The giant EAF unit turns and sees Destiny approaching.)

DESTROY PILOT # 3: Oh balls.

(The Destroy tries to fire, but impossibly, the Destiny is already on top of it. Destiny crash-tackles the Destroy, making it fall over.)

DESTROY PILOT # 3: Oh double-balls.

(Destiny raises its sword and stabs the cockpit of the Destroy, killing the pilot instantly.)

DESTROY PILOT # 3: I do believe I’m dead at this point.

SHINN: NYAAAAGGHHHH!!!

(Destiny grabs the Destroy’s head in both hands and rips it off, awkwardly trying to keep its balance holding it. Destiny tosses the head aside and begins tearing into the body of the Destroy with its hands, ripping whatever it can to shreds. Legend lands behind Destiny and puts its hand on Destiny’s shoulder.)

REY: Shinn, it’s over. We’ve beaten them.

(Destiny finally stops its frenzy and stands up.)

SHINN: (Breathing hard) Word.

(We pan over the battlefield to see that ZAFT is dominant. We cut to the bridge of the Minerva, where everyone is gaping at the sheer carnage that Shinn has wrought upon the Destroy units.)

TALIA: My God, Shinn did all that?

DURANDAL: (Quietly, smugly) He’s got the touch.

ARTHUR: (Sings) “He’s got the POWAHHHH!!!”

(Everyone on the bridge looks at Arthur.)

ARTHUR: I-I thought that’s where you were going with that…

DURANDAL: Not even a little.

TALIA: But anyway, that was intense! I thought for sure Destiny was gonna grow a mouth and start eating the Destroy.

DURANDAL: Hmm? Oh. Eva reference. How droll. In any case, we need to locate Lord Djibril.

(As if on cue, a shuttle can be seen launching from the remains of Heavens Base.)

DURANDAL: Crap, he’s on that shuttle! I can see him with my Coordinator Super Vision!

ARTHUR: We have that?

(Arthur turns and squints at the departing shuttle.)

ARTHUR: Dammit, mine doesn’t work.

DURANDAL: (Shrugs) You’re not important enough. It’s okay. I know where he’ll head. Let’s get back to base so I can butter up the troops a little more before we blindly send them into battle again.

(We take one last look over Heavens Base, which is now in ZAFT’s total control. Destiny is seen at the highest point on the shore, tying a big piece of cloth to the hilt of its anti-ship sword. Destiny sticks the sword in the ground and the big piece of cloth catches in the wind, revealing it as a giant flag that says ZAFT ROX! LOLOLOL!!!111. Cut to the Archangel, cruising along the ocean headed to Orb. Within this mighty ship of hopes and dreams and ice cream, a fallen hero is about to rise again…)

KIRA: Athrun?

(Athrun Zala opens his eyes and finds himself on a bed in the Archangel’s infirmary, bandaged-up but not broken. Yes, he’s alive. Shut up, he is. He’s survived his mobile suit being destroyed once again.)

ATHRUN: (Weakly) Ughhhh…Kira?

(Kira Yamato is sitting next to Athrun’s bed, smiling at his friend’s recovery.)

KIRA: Welcome back, old buddy. You gave us quite a scare.

ATHRUN: I’m alive?

KIRA: Yup.

ATHRUN: (Weakly raises his fist in the air) Another side-switch successfully pulled off.

KIRA: We were worried you weren’t going to make it. Her either.

(Kira turns and glances behind him, where the unconscious Meyrin Hawke is lying, also bandaged-up but clearly alive. Kira turns and looks back at Athrun.)

KIRA: I’ll assume the underage redhead is your peace offering?

ATHRUN: (Laughs weakly) Y-you and your underage redheads…

(Athrun coughs a bit then turns back to Kira.)

ATHRUN: Where’s Cagalli?

KIRA: She went ahead to Orb in a shuttle.

ATHRUN: (Disappointed) Oh.

KIRA: But hey, she was pretty worried about you. Yours is clearly a forever love that should never be broken up, no matter what reason some crazy people may think up in their pathetic fan fictions.

ATHRUN: (Reflective) It’s just been awhile since we’ve been in each other’s arms. She makes the cutest face when we-

(Kira claps his hands on his ears.)

KIRA: Whoa WHOA! I don’t want to hear any more stories about what you do behind closed doors with my manly sister, okay??? Geez.

ATHRUN: Sorry. Where’s Lacus?

KIRA: Andy took her into space with him to the Eternal. They’re going to get us new mobile suits. We should be hearing from them soon, actually.

ATHRUN: Sweet.

(Murrue radios Kira from the bridge.)

MURRUE: (On intercom) Kira-kun, the Eternal’s under attack near Earth orbit!

KIRA: (Stands up quickly) Crud, our new mobile suits might be in danger!

ATHRUN: You’ve got to get up there and help, Kira!

KIRA: Right. You just rest up and I’ll meet you guys in Orb.

(Kira runs out of the room and heads towards the hangar. Once there, he walks up to Chief Mechanic Murdock.)

KIRA: What do we have here that can reach escape velocity?

MURDOCK: Well, I suppose I guess we could rig Strike Rouge with some kind of magical booster-thingy…

KIRA: (Whines) Strike Rouge, ewwwww, I’m not going out in that hideous-looking thing!

MURDOCK: I guess we could change the color of the phase-shift armor back to your original Strike colors…

KIRA: (Whines) But Strike is so low-tech compared to what I’m used to piloting!

MURDOCK: I suppose you could rewrite the operating system in like, ten seconds using your Coordinator witchcraft…

KIRA: (Whines) But that takes ten whole seconds!

MURRUE: (Over the hangar’s intercom) Kira-kun, stop fussing and do what Murdock says!

KIRA: Yes, Mum.

(A few minutes later, and Strike is preparing to launch into space with a booster-thingy.)

KIRA: (In Strike’s cockpit) I’m gonna name my new suit, “Super Freedom”. No, wait- “Nu Freedom”. Awwww, yeah.

(Strike launches into the sky, headed for space. We cut to the Eternal, in said space. It is under attack by several ZAFT vessels and is being surrounded by ZAKU and GOUF units. Aboard the bridge of the Eternal, Lacus Klyne sits on her throne…er…command seat, with Martin DaCosta standing alongside her. An explosion rocks the bridge.)

LACUS: AGH! Don’t they know that they are shooting at their Lacus-sama??

DACOSTA: I don’t think they care overmuch. Anyway, Commander Watfield is launching in that Gaia unit we refurbished to protect us.

LACUS: Wow, Andy’s piloting Gaia? That’s a good idea!

DACOSTA: (Beaming) Isn’t it? After all, he did use to pilot a four-legged suit last series.

LACUS: (Excited) THAT IS SUCH A GOOD IDEA!!!

DACOSTA: (Also excited) I know! It practically markets itself!

LACUS: (Giddy) I-I just can’t get over the irony! How did you guys come up with SUCH A GOOD IDEA???

DACOSTA: (Giddy) It’s even painted in his colors, too!

LACUS: (If this were a cartoon, her head would explode in amazement) OH MY GOD!!!

DACOSTA: (Super-excited) I KNOW!!!

(Lacus and DaCosta start laughing hysterically. The other bridge crew members just give each other funny looks. In the hangar of the Eternal, Andrew Watfield prepares to launch in his customized Gaia unit.)

ANDY: (Excited) This is such a fucking awesome idea!!! I mean, granted, I won’t be able to use the quadruped mode in space, but still!!!

(The Eternal’s catapult prepares to launch Gaia.)

ANDY: Andrew Watfield, haver of the BEST IDEA EVER!!!

(Gaia launches out to fight the ZAKU and GOUF units. Suddenly, a beam shot blows off one of Gaia’s legs.)

ANDY: Uh-oh.

(Gaia raises its beam rifle to fire, but another blast destroys it and Gaia’s right arm.)

ANDY: Well, this isn’t…

(Two more shots destroy Gaia’s other limbs. Gaia is now floating six feet away from the Eternal, totally crippled.)

ANDY: (Sighs) Oh well. (Brightens up) But this was STILL an AWESOME IDEA!!!

(A ZAKU closes in to finish Gaia off, but is shot from another blast off-screen. We see Strike approaching from planet side using the booster-thingy. The suit sheds its booster-thingy attachment and flies in next to Andy’s crippled Gaia.)

ANDY: Kira, is that you?

KIRA: Watfield-san, you’re piloting Gaia??? That’s such a good idea!!!

ANDY: (Proudly) Yup.

KIRA: Omigod, that’s- that’s…OMIGOD!!!

ANDY: Get inside the Eternal, kid! We got ya something!

(Strike flies into the Eternal’s docking bay, dragging Gaia behind it, as ZAFT units continue to circle the Eternal menacingly. Kira quickly jumps out of Strike’s cockpit and moves out of the docking bay. Back on the bridge, Lacus gets up in a hurry.)

LACUS: (Excited) Kira’s here! DaCosta, take command!

(DaCosta’s eyes go wide.)

DACOSTA: (In disbelief) Me? In command? Could this be my moment in the spotlight?

(As Lacus leaves the bridge, Andy walks in.)

LACUS: Oh, never mind, DaCosta. Andy’s here now.

DACOSTA: (Disappointed) Oh.

ANDY: Stand aside kid. And could you give me a backrub? Piloting is murder on my shoulder blades.

(DaCosta sighs dejectedly and moves behind Andy as the former Desert Tiger takes his seat in the command chair. Meanwhile, Kira moves with purpose through the hallways of the Eternal. Suddenly, Lacus comes out of a nearby doorway and tackle-hugs him.)

KIRA: (Terrified) AGH!!! Get it off! GET IT OFF!!!

LACUS: (Giggles) Oh, Kira, you tease, it’s me!

KIRA: (Even more terrified) GET IT OFF!!! AIIIIEEEEEEE!!!

LACUS: (Reasserts herself) Right, I get it; we need to get you out there right away!

KIRA: (Composes himself) Yes, the sooner I can be the main character again, the better.

(Kira follows Lacus to another hangar area, where the Strike Freedom rests, ready to be guided by its destined pilot. Kira stares up at it in awe.)

KIRA: Wow…that looks like it’s roughly, like…27% cooler than Freedom was.

LACUS: And 57% gaudier too! This is “Strike Freedom”.

KIRA: (Disappointed) It already has a name? Ohhhhhhh.

LACUS: It’s twice as strong as Freedom was, and cost about ten times more, since we thought it would be cool to coat the joints in liquid gold. No tactical purpose, but who cares, it’s fucking shiny!

KIRA: (Turns to Lacus, smiles) There’s something important I have to ask you, Lacus.

LACUS: (Hopeful) Yes, Kira?

KIRA: Is your Haro programmed to feel pain? Because I stepped on it in the hallway on the way in here, and I think it’s hurt pretty badly.

LACUS: W-what? Pink-chan?

KIRA: Yeah, you should go comfort it, because I really think it’s dying or something.

(Cut to one of the Eternal’s hallways, where “Pink-chan” is lying, shattered on the ground.)

PINK-CHAN: (Weakly, but cutely) W-why? Why did Athrun program me to feel pain??? F-Friggin’ sicko.

(Cut back to the hangar; Lacus is clearly distraught.)

LACUS: (Distraught) Oh-no, Pink-Chan!!!

(Lacus quickly dashes out, as Kira just shrugs and floats up to Strike Freedom’s cockpit. Once in the cockpit, Kira begins the task of rewriting the operating system to suit him- his eyes shift back and forth as he rapidly types.)

KIRA: Superphysics-ignoringdimensionalsubsystemsnominal.Beamspamauto-aimaligned.J-Popemitteronline.BigGulpcupholderadequatelylarge.StrikeFreedomallsystemsgo!

(Strike Freedom comes to life.)

KIRA: Kira Yamato, god complex returning!

(Strike Freedom launches from the Eternal. The ZAFT units are momentarily stunned into immobility.)

ZAKU PILOT # 1: What the? Freedom???

ZAKU PILOT # 2: It’s some kinda nutty, SUPER Freedom!!!

ZAKU PILOT # 1: That’s just messed-up! That’s- that’s like dipping a chocolate bar in more chocolate!!! You just don’t DO THAT!

(Strike Freedom shoots both ZAKUs down with its beam rifles. Three GOUFs try to entangle Freedom in their heat rods, but Kira’s new suit detaches “DRAGOON” remote units from its wings.)

GOUF PILOT # 1: Agh! He’s got funnels!!! This is some disgustingly over-the-top nightmare!!!

(The DRAGOONs shoot the heat rods off of Freedom, then fire upon the GOUFs. The blue ZAFT units desperately maneuver to avoid the remote weapons.)

GOUF PILOT # 2: Why are his funnels lasting so long??

GOUF PILOT # 1: Why does he even HAVE funnels in the first place???

GOUF PILOT # 3: (Admonishingly) “DRAGOONs”, you mean. They’re called DRAGOONs.

GOUF PILOTS # 1 + 2: (Simultaneously) SHUT UP!!!

(The DRAGOONs finally manage to shoot the other GOUFs down. They dock again with Freedom, and Kira radios the Eternal as more ZAKUs and GOUFs approach.)

KIRA: Yo, Watfield-san, wanna see my Wing Zero impression?

(Strike Freedom spreads its arms, each holding a beam rifle and begins to spin, firing in all directions. Every ZAFT unit is hit by the barrage of beam fire coming from Freedom and they all explode.)

ANDY: (On radio) Uh, Kira, I thought you just usually disabled your opponents?

KIRA: Ah, they’re fine. I can see their parachutes.

(Strike Freedom roars over to the remaining ZAFT vessels in the area. Cut to the bridge of a nearby ZAFT ship.)

ZAFT CAPTAIN: H-he destroyed two dozen units in two minutes??

BRIDGE OFFICER: (To the captain) Hey, have you been watching “Stargazer”? Man, that shit makes this show look really bad!

ZAFT CAPTAIN: Not now, dammit!!! Fire on the approaching mobile suit!!!

(The ZAFT vessels open fire on Strike Freedom, but cannot hit it as it zigs and zags through space. Within the cockpit, Kira orders his DRAGOONs to deploy with a Newtype animation flash. Yeah, Kira’s a Newtype. Why the hell not?)

KIRA: Do my bidding!!!

(The DRAGOONs disable all the engines and thrusters on all of the ZAFT vessels, leaving them dead in space.)

KIRA: (Smiles) I’m so lazy.

(Strike Freedom finally whirls around and returns to the Eternal as it continues towards Earth. Speaking of said-planet Earth, we cut back there to the Minerva, as a fateful announcement is about to be made by Chairman Durandal. Shinn is walking down the hallway to the TV room.)

SHINN: (Singsong) I hate Orb, ohhhhh, I hate Orb. Ohhhh, I hate Orb so fucking much!

(Shinn enters the room, where Rey, Luna, and a bunch of other Minerva personnel are watching a monitor with Durandal on it.)

SHINN: What’s going on?

REY: Gilbert’s about to announce our next operation.

DURANDAL: (On monitor) I’d like to congratulate our brave ZAFT soldiers on the successful completion of Operation Kick The Bejeesus Out Of Heavens Base. But we unfortunately didn’t capture Lord Djibril. Fortunately, I received this message just a few minutes ago from Yuna Roma Seiran, acting mouthpiece of Orb, and also a gigantic dick.

(Durandal’s image disappears and another image appears of Yuna at a podium. Lord Djibril stands off to the side of him in the background.)

YUNA: Orb will take our ailing ally Lord Djibril under our protection, and we pose this question to ZAFT; Whaddaya gonna do about it??

(Yuna yields the podium to Djibril.)

DJIBRIL: You heard my new BFF; Orb knows who its friends are! Now, Yuna, if you’ll just join me up here for a haughty, triumphant laugh?

YUNA: You had me at “hello”.

(Yuna walks up and Djibril puts his arm around him.)

DJIBRIL + YUNA: (Laughing together) OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!

(The image fades out and changes to Durandal again.)

DURANDAL: If we don’t kill Djibril, this war will never end! Therefore, I announce the execution of Operation “Kick The Bejeesus Out Of Orb!”- to be carried out immediately!!!

(There are shocked whispers and conversation amongst the crowd gathered in front of the monitor.)

LUNA: We’re attacking Orb???

REY: It is necessary…for peace…and stuff.

(Only one person in the crowd doesn’t say a word. Shinn Asuka stands there at the rear of the group, a slow, sinister smile tugging at his lips…)

Click to see Shinn!

To be continued!

NEXT TIME ON GUNDAM SEED DESTINY!!!

Cagalli returns to her homeland to find a super-shiny post-mortem birthday present from her no-good hippie dad. But it’s NOT Cagalli’s birthday!!! What the hell is going on here? Oh, and ZAFT launches a massive attack on Orb, but that’s really not too important. What IS important is that Kira is also returning to Orb, and he’s bringing Athrun something special…and red…and tacky. Try to guess what it is! Plus, the rematch you’ve been waiting for; Kira VS Shinn…and this time, it’s biased!

If you miss this one, Freedom will rail-gun you in the reproductive area!
Last edited by Thundermuffin on Mon Jul 19, 2010 10:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Idabosoldier
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(It is Mayu’s severed forearm. Shinn picks it up.)

ORB OFFICER: Ewwww, put that down, kid.


NICCCEEEEE
AE GUNDAM
A story about the burning Cosmos, and the rising Gundam. Told by yours truely.
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Once again, you've turned out a winner.
Thundermuffin wrote: DURANDAL: If we let you go, the war will never end! Surrender and you’ll be given fair treatment!

DJIBRIL: Will I get to keep my cat?

DURANDAL: **** no. I’m eating that mother.
:D :D :D
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Thundermuffin wrote:KIRA: I’ll assume the underage redhead is your peace offering?

ATHRUN: (Laughs weakly) Y-you and your underage redheads…
:shock: ... I give you teh cookie.
Pray she never meets Athrun.
EZero8
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Again, another great installment. I gotta say, this just keeps getting better. The Zeta cameos? Priceless. The conversation between Yzak and Dearka? Pure awesomeness. Keep up the great work!

MOD APPROVED! 8)
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Funny Stuff man, Funny Stuff

MEMBER APPROVED
Good old Thundermuffin
LUNA: Shinn, try not to go all over-the-top this time.
TALIA: Shinn! Launch and go all over-the-top on Orb's ass!
SHINN: Yes, MAAM!
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*Triple Mod Approved*

This almost makes me glad they created Destiny.
I must betray Stalindog!!!

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So good we're apparently letting the IMG tags slide :P

This Fanfic has been approved by 2/3 of the Trinary
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Thundermuffin wrote:KIRA: Superphysics-ignoringdimensionalsubsystemsnominal.Beamspamauto-aimaligned.J-Popemitteronline.BigGulpcupholderadequatelylarge.StrikeFreedomallsystemsgo!
The cup holder cracked me up.

And the whole Yzak/Dearka/Shiho part was pure gold. Benny Hill CE version anyone?
REGENE: (Grins) Any last words, Buuuuur-ing?
(Bring just grits his teeth and the Garazzo’s escape pod breaks off from its main body, flying straight up.)
REGENE: (Shakes head) Right then. Forgot we don’t talk on Planet You.
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Cardi Doorl wrote:So good we're apparently letting the IMG tags slide :P

This Fanfic has been approved by 2/3 of the Trinary
:shock: Dang. That didn't even cross my mind until you said it just now.
Well I don't mod this section anyway and those that do haven't been by here yet to do anything about it.
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Wingnut wrote: :shock: Dang. That didn't even cross my mind until you said it just now.
I suppose I'm a picky bureaucrat at heart, though I really don't care either way if they're let slide or not. :)
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