General Fan Fiction Discussion

Your own tale of two mecha.
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Heretic
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

Now this is something I’ve had rolling around in my head for quite awhile and it may be time to let it out. Cosmic Era, 279. Mobile Suit technology was outlawed after the third Natural/Coordinator war, with much of Earth, the PLANTs and other orbital colonies left in ruins, the survivors of humanity, both Natural and Coordinator were forced into a necessary cooperation to survive. In the time since, Mars has been heavily colonized and partially Taraformed, the moons of both Jupiter and Saturn have been colonized, but the cities and industries of Earth have been abandoned. Without a significant human presence, the Earth had returned to a lush green world, but disputes over which colonies have the right to resettle Earth have prevented any large scale rebuilding. Although relations have been strained between some of the Colony States, the lack of MS based weaponry and an unwillingness to risk the near total destruction caused by the three Natural/Coordinator wars, has prevented open conflict.

And so the balance continues, or would continue, unless something was to disrupt it. Something like Evidence 01, the “Whale Stone” exhibiting strange behaviour. Unknown energy types, low levels of rhythmically pulsing radiation, and bizarre dreams manifesting in anybody who spends too much time near it or physically touches it.

And if that wasn’t enough, an object moving under its own power from outside of the solar system is identified as the Stargazer MS thought lost two centuries previous.

The secrets these two mysterious objects hold could threaten the balance, reawaken weapons long forgotten and plunge mankind into yet another war.

Basically, an excuse to use only a few of the elements from SEED that were never expanded upon without having to deal with most of the baggage of the original. Also, removing most of the MS right at the outset lets me write a story where hopefully the lack of excessive combat and explosions won’t catch people off guard.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

GX7 wrote:My villains are an enigma, a mystery. Nobody knows how Megiddo was formed or why they're trying to kill all of humanity through various eras of history. Nor does anybody in my story know what they look like. This is not about Suddam Hussein. It's only about the Gundams trying to restore each era that Megiddo invades.
It’s not a question of the characters knowing why the villains are doing what they do. Its if you the writer know why. If you don’t know why your villains do things, than they are nothing but cardboard monster cut-outs for your Heroes to fight. Until you can form a motivation for both your villains and heroes, (Something more than “Fight the opposite guy”) anything you write is going to come off as hollow and uninteresting.

Try this, it’s a trick I learned in an acting class that I’ve applied to writing. When you create a character, good or evil. Start off by thinking about how and why they are who they are in the story. What kind of experiences would they have to go through to be the way they are? What kind of people would they have spent their time with and what influences would those people have had? Parents, schooling, all kinds of details that you don’t necessarily have to include in the story itself but if you have them you can use them to give just the right amount of depth and motivation that will make the reader accept them.
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Vent Noir
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

Okay, some scattered thoughts/ideas that I’m trying to get to gel into a story - any help/comments would be appreciated…

I haven’t decided on names for the characters and factions yet. I remember once being advised that names are pretty inconsequential, and to worry about the concept first.

- Gundam is rooted in the Japanese experience of war (especially WW2), and I thought of doing a story rooted in the experiences of war for my own country (Australia). I don’t want to make the parallels too close, but the central theme of a society moving from being a colonial one to being its own nation, and developing a sense of itself as a nation, is one that I feel fits well within the framework of a Gundam series.

If it’s going to be reflective of the Australian experience of war, there’s some battles that have to be reflected (Gallipolli and Kokoda are the two most obvious ones). I want the main character to be from a terraformed Mars, but fighting in a war that’s occurring mostly in the Earth Sphere, somewhere a long way away and of questionable relevance to his home. Again, trying not to make things too similar.

Male Lead: Under 18, but lied about his age when he signed up for the military (the recruiting officer knew he was lying, but let it slide). Was picked for the Gundam unit because the higher-ups believed he showed potential, and wanted someone who wasn’t too used to the old-style control system and could easily adjust. Unassuming most of the time (and tends to get easily embarrassed when praised), he acts cocky in battle, perhaps even trash-talking his enemies (originally to cover up his own fear, as he gets more experienced he realises he can sometimes throw them off by doing it).
· I’m toying with the idea that his original squadron managed to bring down an enemy prototype MS that became the basis for the Gundam. Most of that squadron was killed in the process.

Female Lead: Originally, I was PO’ed with the Soma/Marie storyline in 00 and wanted to do it “right” – the idea eventually evolved into its own thing. She’s a prototype supersoldier on loan from the Federation’s mysterious “benefactors” to try and assess her performance in actual combat. Initially obedient and compliant, she develops her own ideals and goals through contact with the other members of the squadron, which leads to her questioning the benefactors’ agenda, and its impact on her “siblings”…

Squadron Commander: Already an ace, he’s one of the Federation’s brightest young stars, and was just recently promoted to command the new Gundam unit. More self-assured than the male lead, but not really used to command, and the Federation thinks this means he’ll just follow orders.

Male Lead’s Friend (Love Interest?): The male lead knew her in his youth – she’s a medic and rescue worker who signed on to the Federation’s medical corps when the war broke out. Very kind and compassionate, doesn’t like the fact that she seems to be moving toward a situation where she might have to fight and kill to survive. Will probably develop a bond with the Female Lead, helping her to develop a different perspective on things.

Gundams:
Lightning Gundam (M. Lead) – Most raw speed, striker unit. Upgrade: Storm Gundam
Gale Gundam (F. Lead) – Most manuverable, but difficult to control well. Upgrade: Cyclone Gundam
Flame Gundam (Squadron Commander) – Heavy weapons, supporting fire type. Upgrade: Wildfire Gundam
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tehprognoob
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

um...can I just raise an issue? I already have a MiG 375 Gale and a MiG 375 Gale Storm in use. Not Gundams, but pretty damn close.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

@Tehprognoob: Meh, names of machines in Fan Fiction really don’t matter. Let’s face it there are only so many words for storm that sound good as a mecha name.

@Vent Noir: I kind of get what you are going for with your situational premise (I’m Canadian, likewise Canada was once a British colony and came into it’s own in the first and second world war, the difference being we’re still very close with Britain. Probably a proximity thing.) Your idea can work out very well, depending on how it is written.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

One thing I should have mentioned but forgot... the Male lead will start off believing very strongly in the Federation's cause, and that the other side are the bad guys, pure and simple. This attitude will change as the conflict goes on.

Heretic: Yeah, we still have a lot of political ties to Britain, too, although nowadays the influence from the US and Asia is probably stronger.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

GX7 wrote:My villains are an enigma, a mystery.
No they aren't. They're a race of demons that want to erase humanity from existence by way of time travel and meddling with past events. How do I know that? You said so in this thread and in the first post in your story's thread.

Yeah, turns out you can't actually call your villains enigmatic and mysterious if you go blowing the enigma and mystery in a lecture on your story before the story even starts.

@Vent Noir:
I like the idea of telling Gundam as a war story drawing on another country's experience of war. It fits very well with the general Gundam theme of coming of age, since the world wars were when Britain's largest colonies and commonwealths figuratively grew into sovereign nations that won respect as independent countries in their own right, and going from someone's ward to an independent person is a big part of growing up. One thing to watch out for, though, is that you don't wind up beating the reader over the head with the premise and the WWII Australia comparisons. That's not how the original Mobile Suit Gundam worked, after all.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

ShadowCell wrote: @Vent Noir:
I like the idea of telling Gundam as a war story drawing on another country's experience of war. It fits very well with the general Gundam theme of coming of age, since the world wars were when Britain's largest colonies and commonwealths figuratively grew into sovereign nations that won respect as independent countries in their own right, and going from someone's ward to an independent person is a big part of growing up. One thing to watch out for, though, is that you don't wind up beating the reader over the head with the premise and the WWII Australia comparisons. That's not how the original Mobile Suit Gundam worked, after all.
Yeah, like I said, I'm trying not to make the paralells too gratuitous.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

You already telegraphed where your villains came from by calling them a "race of demons." You already stated what their goal is, in this thread and in your story.
Summary: In the year 3000 A.D., the mysterious Megiddo Demonic Empire has created an entire army of nanomachine mobile suits. To go throughout time and remove humanity from history.
Why should I believe that you'll keep quiet on where exactly they came from or who leads them or why they want to destroy mankind when you so eagerly told us so much about them already? Why should I care about any of it when all of your characters are just talking heads with little to no differentiating characteristics? Why should I bother to read when your idea of character motivation is so rudimentary as
They just want to chase of the Americans, so their president can continue to be a total dick.
Why should I take seriously a concept in which you take something as multifaceted, controversial, and complex as the Iraq war and utterly trivialize it with time-traveling giant robots and mysterious demons from which you immediately remove the mystery before the story starts?

And, most pressingly of all, why should anyone here continue to read your work or offer you feedback if you don't listen to a word anyone says?

You've already clearly written a number of political opinions into this work. So, GX7, tell me clearly right now: are you just using these fanfics to push your political opinions?

If you are, then I have to ask you to stop posting them here. Discussion of politics and religion on this forum is against the rules, and with good reason.

If I seem frustrated, that's because I am. You are getting feedback in this forum that I would love to get and you are ignoring all of it. It kinda makes clear why some people don't even bother giving feedback.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

GX7 wrote:My villains are an enigma, a mystery. Nobody knows how Megiddo was formed or why they're trying to kill all of humanity through various eras of history. Nor does anybody in my story know what they look like. This is not about Suddam Hussein. It's only about the Gundams trying to restore each era that Megiddo invades.
If it doesn't have anything to do with Hussein, or really any of the political leaders of the crises your characters visit, why should these leaders be at all involved beyond a simple mention? If you were to actively someone like, say, Emperor Nero in your story, then this wouldn't be nearly as much of a problem--after all, how many people are around who actually had to deal with Nero and his policies? But someone as recent as Hussein being an active part in your story is going to come under scrutiny because the current conflict is a contentious topic that is still on-going; also, you said it yourself, that Hussein's playing along with this demonic army just so he can "continue to be a total dick."

It's blithe statements of that sort that make people question why they should read your works. You eliminate all suspense in your stories by explaining everything as it comes up. The reader is not involved, they can't come up with their own guesses or ideas about how things will fit together in your world and progress. What suspense is there in a journey if the path is almost blindingly clear at all times?

How many people do you know who are motivated by such a single, base desire as "likes to be bad?" And even saying that someone just likes to be mean brings up all sorts of other questions, such as: Why do they like being mean? What does it benefit them to be mean? How did they come to revel in meanness? You can't just say someone's good, or bad, or sweet, or angry, and leave it at that; a human's personality is complex and demands different responses to different events, based upon their experiences and predispositions to certain actions. Your apparent conception of Saddam Hussein's actions as president of Iraq being summed up in the singular motivation of being a dick, as you so eloquently put it, betrays your commitment to your story: Your villains are more befitting of Saturday morning cartoons, than of a work that purports to carry on the complex themes of war, love, hatred, despair, and tragedy that are emblematic of Gundam.

You are a lazy writer. That is the long and short of it. You are unwilling to research anything, even with the internet at your fingertips; instead, you'd rather rely on your own conceptions and misconceptions about the ideas you use in your stories. (Case in point: Your Olmypus story. How many people do you think would just sit down and let some jackass order them to kill theists on sight? Furthermore, trying to make the obvious parallels of the Roman persecution of Christians betrays your own lack of knowledge concerning Roman history, and the complex issues at work that allowed for such a thing to happen (such as the idea of Rome itself being descended from the gods, and that swearing fealty to either Rome or the gods meant swearing fealty to the other). You're apparently uninterested in performing research on something as common and mundane as the effects of drug abuse.) Any successful writer has to research these things that make up the human condition, if they want to successfully portray human beings in their stories. That's why most good novels take time to be written! You can't just dash off 300 pages' worth of story and expect it to be any good, without planning and researching and revising everything--at least three times.

As well, you're simply more interested in having people give you undeserved accolades for your works. Why should any of us even be bothered to give you the criticism you ask for when you either blow us off, or say something that contradicts what you've already done? I've gone far and above in restraining myself to try and give you feedback instead of pointing out everything you've done wrong and refuse to fix in your stories, when they're all a mess from start to whenever you lose interest in them.

If you're actually serious about writing, you'll listen to people who actually point out problems. You cannot expect anyone to just sit there and give you unqualified praise when, frankly, you haven't done anything to deserve it.
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Areku
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

I wholeheartedly agree with the criticisms you're seeing now, GX7. Others have already expressed the reasons in ways which are already perfectly adequate, so I'll leave those points be.

It's unwise to change the way you write due to feedback from just one person, but when a consensus develops against the way you're writing, especially from people who obviously care enough to take the time to write small essays as feedback, something is very wrong.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

No, wait come back…[/sarcasm]
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

Well hey, spend hours giving people detailed feedback on their fanfiction, only to be blown off and ignored, and see how much you like them.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

And I was half expecting the post to end with the comiadic Bender reference of.. "Screw you all, I am going to make my own site, with blackjack and hookers!"

Anyway, half the problem I see with... fiction on the internet, is that writers do not allow or respond poorly to negative reviewing. The problem with just blind praise is that you never know if your doing anything wrong, reviews that highlight the flaws of your work are only to be used a tool to improve your. Sure, its a little depressing to see you didn't do so well, but it is alot better than people just ignoring or lying to you. Just some words I hope GX7 will read before he goes wherever.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

Blightstrider wrote:Anyway, half the problem I see with... fiction on the internet, is that writers do not allow or respond poorly to negative reviewing. The problem with just blind praise is that you never know if your doing anything wrong, reviews that highlight the flaws of your work are only to be used a tool to improve your. Sure, its a little depressing to see you didn't do so well, but it is alot better than people just ignoring or lying to you. Just some words I hope GX7 will read before he goes wherever.
It's not just a problem online, but in actual writing courses. Workshops in lower-level college courses are an absolute joke; if you say anything but, "Oh, I liked it!" you're a villain for not bowing down to worship obvious perfection. Whenever I've put something out for others to see, the one thing I can't possibly stand is a simple statement of whether or not they liked it.

Why did you like it or not? What appealed to you, and why? What didn't work? What should go, what should stay in, what should be moved, what should be condensed, what should be expanded, what should be reworked? Those are questions anyone serious about writing should be posing to their audience. Nothing is more useless than unqualified praise or derision.

And GX7's already pulled this "I'm leaving!" stunt before. You'll all forgive me if I don't think this is the last of him, but I've already explained my views on his writing and his approach to writing, and I don't really have anymore to say about it, other than that I find him a typical example of my generation's attempt at the literary arts. If it seems like I'm contemptible of that sort of person, it's because I am.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

In other news, I went ahead and started writing that SEED fan fic that I posted the concept for which was lost in the general wankery.

I’ve got to say I like how this one is shaping up. I’m developing some nice characters that I’m going to enjoy writing. And to make things a little more Gundam, I’ve even included a masked person, even a red outfit motif. But it’s a woman, and I think I am going to very much enjoy writing the banter between her and her two subordinates.

[Edit] Remind me to try and avoid writing about characters having dinner when I’m hungry. I keep getting side tracked with descriptions of the meal.
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Big B
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

What, no Char-clone eating a Big Mac? :D

I like the concept taking the Stargazer 200 years after the current CE stuff and building on that and the seeming natural progression, as you pointed out, was merely hinted at. Evidence-01 seemed like it should've had a larger explanation than it received.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

It’s another one of those things about SEED that bugged me. Why include an element like that and then do NOTHING with it? “This show will be a bout robots and fighting and racism and large explosions! Oh and by the way there is extra terrestrial life.”

I mean, there was absolutely none of the social effects that would happen with evidence of aliens. Large numbers of people would stop fighting, set down their guns and say “Why are we trying to kill each other over our differences? There are aliens!” Okay maybe not quite like that, but there would still be a kind of social epiphany in humanity’s collective consciousness.

Gugh, so much bad writing. Even from so called professionals.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

The problem is, at least in current society, nobody wants to hear the negative. Nothing wrong with liking to be praised, but if nobody is able to point out "hey, this idea sucks", you run the risk of crap.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Discussion

I see people on so many websites complaining whenever anyone gives them criticism...seriously, take the criticism you can. The only stories I've been writing recently, and posting online (not on my website, though; would bring together a couple online lives I'm trying to keep separate) I've only had two constant commenters: a buddy of mine who gives me praise, with the occasional question/critique, and someone who works to find all the flaws in my work and point them out so I can fix them.

That's one person I have constantly giving me advice to fix my writing (plus, I've got very good critiques on some stuff I posted on my website. I'll have to get back to fixing that one series, because I think with the writing experience I've got now, I can do it much better)

Anyway, tl;dr version: PAY ATTENTION TO CRITICISM!!! It will help you!
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