A Typical Episode of Gundam Seed Destiny

[DAG101]

Not sure about others, but I'm eagerly awaiting another one.

Yeah!

I concur!

[Thundermuffin]

I AM starting to feel the urge...

And my schedule is opening up a bit...

[Wingnut]

If you stick with the Cosmic Era, please try to incorperate the Stargazer events if at all possible. That's one chapter I was really wanting to read in particular after Sven and Heero were doing their mimicking each other act all through the recap party.

[Thundermuffin]

Oh NO.

Could it be...

A preview line?

GRAHAM: (Narrows eyes) Yes, it ill-becomes us to come in second, Katagiri.

[Wingnut]

Second to who I wonder? Should be interesting, but then again it always seems to be so.

[Dean_the_Young]

Allelujah: Mariemariemariemariemariemarie...

[ZeroBusterXX]

Oh NO.

Could it be...

A preview line?

GRAHAM: (Narrows eyes) Yes, it ill-becomes us to come in second, Katagiri.

Don't toy with my heart!!

[Thundermuffin]

Oh NO.

Could it be...

A preview line?

GRAHAM: (Narrows eyes) Yes, it ill-becomes us to come in second, Katagiri.

Don't toy with my heart!!

BILLY: (Defensively) I’m sorry, we’ll clean it up! Right, Graham?

(Graham suddenly springs up, milk dripping from his hair. He turns away from Billy and folds his arms.)

GRAHAM: (Defiantly) I have no interest!

[Dean_the_Young]

My immediate train of thought was to think of all the things dripping milk could be a metaphor for, and my second thought was that Thundermuffin has descended to new heights.

[Thundermuffin]

Sometimes milk is just milk.

[Wingnut]

In this case, more perhaps to Setsuna's drink of milk in episode 3 that Lockon ordered for him than anything else. In spite of him growing older, the other meisters keep ordering milk for Setsuna when they get say beer for example as a running gag.

The preview line, I can only guess and not knowing the context of the scene it would be pointless to try. Therefore, Dean's train of thought could be a runaway one.

[Dean_the_Young]

In this case, more perhaps to Setsuna's drink of milk in episode 3 that Lockon ordered for him than anything else. In spite of him growing older, the other meisters keep ordering milk for Setsuna when they get say beer for example as a running gag.

The preview line, I can only guess and not knowing the context of the scene it would be pointless to try. Therefore, Dean's train of thought could be a runaway one.

Milk is linked to Setsuna, Setsuna is Gundam, the only thing Graham loves as much as a Flag is Gundam...

[ZeroBusterXX]

Graham is one weird dude. I always imagine Graham as a slightly less-creepy Japanophile like one I used to go to school with once. The guy also had a strange fixation on a man too.....

[charrx93]

wow... I just read the 3rd episode again. I can't believe you actually made a Star Wars reference AND a Star Trek reference (with the red coat to red shirt comment) in the same chapter! truly amazing! rofl

[Thundermuffin]

I...live.

Frightfully sorry the new chapter I promised months ago is taking so long, but life has been hectic. Alternately, I'm just lazy.

In any case, here's something I wrote up over the last couple days.

It's the pilot episode for a Gundam 00-themed sitcom. Enjoy!

-

"The Smirnovs"

-

(Open in a homey kitchen. HOLLY SMIRNOV is setting the table with bowls of something. ANDREI SMIRNOV walks in, dressed in his A-LAWS uniform. Holly turns around to greet him.)

HOLLY: (Smiles) And how’s my baby bear today?

ANDREI: (Rolls eyes) Mom, I’m in my twenties.

HOLLY: Well, that doesn’t mean you aren’t still my baby bear! And you look so adorable in your little work-dress.

ANDREI: (Indicating the lower part of his uniform) Mom, this isn’t a dress! It’s a combat-frock! All A-LAWS personnel have to wear it.

HOLLY: Well, it’s still adorable. How was work today? How many dissidents did you kill?

(Andrei leans against the kitchen counter and sighs.)

ANDREI: I ‘unno…twenty or thirty. They all start to look the same after awhile.

(Holly notes her son is upset about something.)

HOLLY: Little Paws, what’s wrong? It can’t be your job. Why, your last evaluation report from A-LAWS was excellent! You got A-pluses in both Dissident-Killing and General Titans-esque Douchebaggery!

ANDREI: (Glum) No, it‘s…it’s just…well…there’s this girl I like at work, but she’s still totally hung up on her old boyfriend.

HOLLY: How can you tell?

ANDREI: Well, we fought him today in a giant epic mobile suit battle, and she got all upset afterward. I’ve tried everything to make her forget him. I’ve tried trying to kill him, I’ve tried making unprovoked, suggestive comments about her lack of femininity…

HOLLY: Andrei, I think this is a topic which is better suited to your father.

ANDREI: Awwww, ma…can’t I just call Crazy Uncle Hercury and ask him?

HOLLY: (Wags her finger) No buts, you know your father loves to give you advice. He’s in the den.

(Andrei moves to leave with another sigh.)

ANDREI: Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt.

(Andrei walks out of the kitchen and into the den. SERGEI SMIRNOV is sitting there in an armchair, dressed in casual clothes, wearing bear-foot slippers, and smoking a pipe.)

ANDREI: (Apprehensively) Hey…hey, dad.

(Sergei sets his newspaper down and smiles at Andrei.)

SERGEI: Ah, Andrei, my little cub! Come in!

ANDREI: Egh! Why do you always call me that?? Both you and mom have the abso-friggin’-lute worst nicknames for me!

SERGEI: (Laughs) Don’t be ashamed, son! Now, you seemed to be in some distress in the kitchen.

ANDREI: You heard me talking to mom?

SERGEI: Da, my son. Now come and sit on Papa’s knee and tell me your troubles!

(Sergei offers his knee and motions to it.)

ANDREI: Dad, please, I’m a grown man!

SERGEI: (Firmly) Andrei! The knee!

(Andrei groans and reluctantly sits on Sergei’s knee.)

SERGEI: Now what is wrong, boy?

ANDREI: Nothin’. Just girl trouble is all.

SERGEI: (Smiles) Ah-HA! Well, I’m just going to pass on some words of advice MY father left me on that matter.

ANDREI: Oh yeah?

SERGEI: Da. Tell me, Andrei, do you really like this girl?

ANDREI: Yeah.

SERGEI: Well, here’s the line of reasoning I use…

ANDREI: Yes?

(Sergei clears his throat briefly.)

SERGEI: (Recites) “In Soviet Russia, girl likes YOU!”

(Andrei just stares back at his father for several silent seconds.)

ANDREI: And…that’s it?

SERGEI: (Nods approvingly) It’s all you need.

(Andrei gets up with a frown.)

ANDREI: (Mutters) Thanks, dad. That’s…that’s great.

(SOMA SMIRNOV walks into the den at that moment.)

SOMA: Colonel?

SERGEI: (Smiles) Ah, Soma, my little snowflake!

SOMA: (Frowns) Our neighbor wants to see you. Says something about you not having returned his golden lawnmower.

SERGEI: Feh, well, just shoo him off. I’m not done with it.

SOMA: Colonel. You know he’s not going to stop until he gets it from you.

SERGEI: (Frustrated) I just loathe talking to that man. He always tries to steal every idea I have!

ANDREI: Dad, you better just get it over with.

SERGEI: (Ignoring Andrei) I want to have a nice lawn, he says “That’s the Corner family’s dream!”. I want to buy a boat, he says “That’s the Corner family’s dream!”. (Sergei throws his arms up in disgust) EVERYTHING is the Corner family’s dream!

(Sergei gets up and leaves the den, grumbling in frustration. Soma regards Andrei.)

SOMA: How was your day over at “A-HOLES”?

ANDREI: (Rolls eyes) Wow, that is so refreshingly original.

SOMA: (Disgusted) I can’t believe you work for those people!

ANDREI: When did you become such a Mary? You used to work for them too!

SOMA: That was before I had my eyes opened.

ANDREI: (Suspiciously) Yeah…by this new mystery boyfriend of yours. When exactly DO we get to meet him?

SOMA: When I decide you aren’t being a total prick.

ANDREI: Least I’m not adopted.

(Soma leaps onto Andrei and gets him into a headlock.)

SOMA: TAKE THAT BACK!

ANDREI: (Struggling) Oh, you are SO immature!

SOMA: TAKE IT BACK!

(Andrei backs up and tries to slam Soma into the wall, but loses his balance and falls over. He starts to elbow her in the stomach as she keeps choking him.)

ANDREI: Gack! Muh-MAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

SOMA: RAAAAAGH!

(Holly sticks her head in the den, looking mad.)

HOLLY: Soma! Let go of your brother! Andrei, stop hitting her!

(Soma and Andrei compose themselves and get off the ground, glaring at each other.)

SOMA: (Glaring) Brainless fascist stormtrooper.

ANDREI: (Glaring) Frigid little skank.

HOLLY: (Angry) ENOUGH, both of you! Soma, Andrei is free to pursue any career he wants. Andrei, it doesn’t matter if Soma’s adopted; we love you both equally! Now behave, or both of you don’t get any porridge for dinner tonight!

ANDREI: (Scoffs) That’s fine with me. I hate porridge.

HOLLY: Then you won’t get anything from the pic-a-nic basket your father got for dessert!

ANDREI: (Looks down) I’ll be good.

(Holly looks to Soma.)

HOLLY: Soma, dear, why don’t you invite your new boyfriend to dinner? We’d love to meet him.

SOMA: I’m…not sure that’s such a good idea, mom…

(Holly puts her hands on her hips, and raises an eyebrow.)

HOLLY: Why? Is he someone your father and I would disapprove of?

SOMA: Well, no…he’s got a great personality… (Looks down and mumbles) well, one of them is great, anyhow…

HOLLY: Then what’s the issue?

SOMA: His…political views…might not mesh with you guys so much…

(Andrei eyes Soma suspiciously off to the side. Suddenly, we hear a shout from the kitchen.)

SERGEI: (Off-screen) ANDREI! The kitchen- NOW!

(Andrei looks confused, and he walks out of the den, followed closely by Holly and Soma. When we cut to the kitchen, Sergei is looking annoyed as ARTHUR GOODMAN is sitting at the kitchen table, wearing his A-LAWS outfit. Upon seeing him, Andrei snaps into a sharp salute. Soma glares at Goodman, but he takes no notice.)

ANDREI: Sir!

GOODMAN: At ease, boy. This is just a routine surprise dinner-with-your-boss. I do it eight or nine times a week with different members of A-LAWS.

ANDREI: S-sir, I wish you would have told me…I don’t think my mom made enough…

HOLLY: (Smiles) Oh, that’s fine. Now, Mr. Goodman, you just help yourself!

GOODMAN: (Returns the smile) Don’t mind if I do, ma’am!

(Goodman turns to the table and picks up a bowl of porridge. He holds it up to his mouth and tilts back, pouring porridge down his throat. Sergei looks increasingly irritated as they stand there, watching.)

SERGEI: (Quietly) He’s eating MY porridge!

HOLLY: Shhh, shhh. Manners!

(Goodman finishes the porridge and sets the bowl down, with a distasteful look on his face.)

GOODMAN: Bah, that porridge was too hot!

(Goodman reaches to his left and takes a second bowl of porridge, puts it to his mouth and then downs THAT one with one shot. Holly puts her hand to her mouth.)

HOLLY: (Quietly) Oh my…

(Goodman sets the bowl down, still looking dissatisfied.)

GOODMAN: And that porridge was too cold!

(Goodman reaches across the table and grabs a third bowl of porridge, puts it to his lips and begins to down it, but suddenly stops and spews it out. He drops the bowl, which shatters into pieces on the ground. Goodman looks to Holly, demanding.)

GOODMAN: What the hell was that?

HOLLY: Oh, that was Soma’s vegetarian porridge.

GOODMAN: (Laughs) More like Soma’s…crappy…crap!

(Soma is slowly pulling a gun out from behind her back. Sergei catches her gaze and shakes his head “no” discreetly at her. Soma grits her teeth and lets go of the gun. Goodman finally gets the final bowl of porridge and downs it, looking satisfied at the end of it.)

GOODMAN: (Approvingly) THAT bowl of porridge was JUST right!

ANDREI: (Ass-kissingly) That was mine, sir!

GOODMAN: (Nods at Andrei) You have good taste, son.

(Goodman leans back in his chair and loosens his belt. He looks to Holly.)

GOODMAN: What’s for dessert?

HOLLY: Well, uh…

SERGEI: (Interrupts, firmly) I’m sorry, Mr. Goodman, but I’m afraid you’ll have to leave.

GOODMAN: Excuse me?

SERGEI: (Firmly) You heard me, you’ll have to-

(Andrei jumps in front of his father, spastically waving his arms.)

ANDREI: -What my father is TRYING to say, is that you have to leave…room for the goodies in the delicious pic-a-nic basket he brought home for dessert!

(Sergei grits his teeth as Andrei runs over to the counter and picks up said pic-a-nic basket, then places it in front of Goodman. Goodman rubs his hands together in anticipation and begins to open it as Andrei runs back to stand next to his father. He notices Sergei’s angry grimace and smiles nervously at him.)

GOODMAN: Excellent, excellent, Andrei my boy! You’ll be getting another good evaluation report for th-

(Suddenly, the pic-a-nic basket EXPLODES! Everyone shields themselves as a brief flash lights the kitchen. When the smoke clears, Sergei looks up. Goodman’s leaning facedown on the table, his upper body burnt and smoldering. The remains of the pic-a-nic basket are scattered all over the kitchen, shredded straw and string are hanging everywhere.)

SERGEI: Everyone alright?

HOLLY: Yes, honey.

ANDREI: What the hell was-?

SOMA: (Smirks) Grenade in the basket, right Colonel? You must have slipped it in there as soon as Goodman came in.

SERGEI: (Shakes his head) Nah. It probably was just one of the booby-trapped pic-a-nic baskets.

SOMA: Booby-trapped?

SERGEI: Yeah, I steal them from the park ranger, so sometimes he booby-traps them. Luckily, I’m smarter than the a-ver-age Russian and know how to disarm them. Guess I forgot to do this one.

(Andrei runs over to Goodman’s downed body in a panic, feeling for a pulse.)

ANDREI: Ahhhhh! DAD! You FORGOT to disarm it?? You just killed my boss!

SOMA: (Scoffs) Good riddance.

HOLLY: (Scolding) Soma!

SOMA: What? He had it coming! I mean, not just for being a despicable tub of goo, but also for eating our dinner!

HOLLY: Hm, there IS that. And he insulted my cooking to boot. But still…now we don’t have anything to eat.

SERGEI: (Stroking his chin) I think I know a way to make everything better…

(We cut to some time later. The kitchen has been reasonably repaired and Holly turns from the stove with a smile.)

HOLLY: Dinner…is served, everyone!

(We see Goodman’s dead body, still in uniform and with an apple in his mouth, done-up like a roasted pig and on a giant platter that takes up the entire kitchen table. The Smirnovs all sit around him.)

SERGEI: (Pokes his fork into Goodman’s side) Mmmm-MMM! Holly, you’ve outdone yourself.

HOLLY: Now remember to peel off the bits of uniform before you eat anything, kids.

(Andrei’s sitting directly in front of Goodman’s dead and cooked face. He looks ill. Soma leans over to him, smiling.)

SOMA: What’s wrong? You look a little sick.

ANDREI: It’s not from this. I’m just imagining work tomorrow and the report I’ll have to file. “Killed boss and then my family ate him.” Yeah, that’ll go over REAL well.

SOMA: (Smirks) Sounds like fun. Whelp, time to dig in!

(Soma jabs her fork and knife into Goodman’s side and begins sawing off a slab of meat. Andrei looks over at her with confusion.)

ANDREI: I thought you were a vegetarian now??

SOMA: (Grins) In this case, I’ll make an exception.

(Soma shovels a piece of Goodman into her mouth and chews it, looking content.)

SOMA: Tastes like…comeuppance!

(Sergei stands and raises his glass to Holly.)

SERGEI: A toast to my wife! She cooks the best human flesh I’ve ever tasted. (Winks at Holly) And looks ravishing doing it.

ANDREI + SOMA: (Simultaneously) DAAAAAAAAD!

HOLLY: (Blushes) Oh Sergei, you’re killing me! With compliments!

(Everyone laughs. Suddenly, ALEJANDRO CORNER walks by outside and leans in the open kitchen window, taking in the table setting with an expression of disbelief.)

ALEJANDRO: (Incredulously) Cooking and eating a fat man for dinner?? That’s the Corner family’s dream!!!

(Sergei grits his teeth and turns to the window, shaking his fist indignantly at Corner.)

SERGEI: (Mad) COR-NEEERRRRRRRR!!!

(Everyone else laughs again.)

THE END!

[Kenji]

My God... it's filled with bears...

[mcred23]

I'm at a loss on how to describe my reaction without using words that the forum will convert into something from Scooby-Doo. It was both hilarious and totally insane.

I guess, in other words, good work as usual!

[Bright Noa]

ANDREI: It’s not from this. I’m just imagining work tomorrow and the report I’ll have to file. “Killed boss and then my family ate him.” Yeah, that’ll go over REAL well.

Lol

Btw, what does comeuppance taste like? You sound like someone who has had...experience in that field, Thundermuffin.

[Thundermuffin]

ANDREI: It’s not from this. I’m just imagining work tomorrow and the report I’ll have to file. “Killed boss and then my family ate him.” Yeah, that’ll go over REAL well.

Lol

Btw, what does comeuppance taste like? You sound like someone who has had...experience in that field, Thundermuffin.

It tastes like fat jerk, apparently.

[ZeroBusterXX]

My God... it's filled with bears...

I had no idea you were Dave Bowman in real life!!

And Thundermuffin, this made my day! All the bear puns were un-bear-able. I'm guessing if this pilot is picked up, Billy and Graham would be the gay couple across the street?